Between Joy And Pain

Kabanata 1

01.Self-love

Days after our break up, I haven't been able to sleep. I couldn't even have a decent meal. Masyado akong occupied sa nangyari, at siguro'y nagsisisi rin ako sa desisyong ginawa ko. I love Jared, and I won't deny that. Ilang araw muna ang lumipas bago mag-sink in saakin na wala na talagang pag-asa. This is the first time I broke up with him. Sa lahat nang panlolokong ginawa niya ay ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob makipaghiwalay, dahil alam ko naman noon na hindi ko talaga kayang mawala siya sakin. Kaya naman, bago itong lahat saakin. Oo, mahirap siya. But I'm striving. Pinipilit ko na maging okay para sa lahat ng taong nakapaligid saakin.

And you know what was the hardest part? It is when you want to continue your everyday life but the truth is what you really need is to start all over again without the person you used to be with. Jared's a long time friend of mine. Ever since we're little, magkasama na kami. We're allies in every little things. We're together on every special moments in our lives.

"Somehow you're at fault too," Peli said cooly.

Actually, three of us shared the same childhood memories. And it's just hard to ignore everything. Lalo na kapag alam mong may stain na. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako lulugar. Kung ano ang kailangan kong gawin para manatili kaming buo.

"I thought we're friends?" I said while rolling my eyes.

It's been a month after I broke up with Jared. Simula ng hiwalayan namin ay ngayon ko lang ikinuwento sa iba ang nangyari. I've been keeping everything for myself. Maybe they've heard Jared's story but not mine. Ngayon pa lang, kay Peli ko pa lang nagawang ikuwento ang lahat. At mukhang maling tao pa yata ang napili kong kwentuhan.

I heaved sigh. I sat on the ground quickly. Neverminding the heat, and I tried burying my feet on the white sand. I've been on a vacation for two weeks now and apparently I have Pelican, my friend, here with me. She supposed to be my confidant when it comes to Jared but it seems like she's being a bitch right now.

"Wag ka ngang mag inarte dyan!" Sabi nya habang naupo sa tabi ko. "Totoo naman kasi eh. Kung sana simula pa lang ng panloloko ni Jared di mo kinunsinte edi sana hindi na nasundan ng pangalawa, pangatlo, pang-apat and so on..."

"What? You're using a wrong word. Anong kinunsinte ka dyan! Of course, I didn't! We'd always fought! Para namang hindi mo alam?" Sagot ko.

"Yeah right. Sige na. Nag aaway nga kayo, tapos, after ng away sorry lang katapat?" She said full of sarcasm.

"You're talking nonsense, Pelican. Of course he'd tell me he's sorry. Alangan namang mag thank you siya dahil niloko niya ako, diba?"

"Oh wow." She let out a hard laughed. "Ngayon namimilosopo ka? Alam mo? Ang sarap mong hambalusin. I can't believe this."

"I'm just saying—"

"No. You listen to me, Lilium Gaia!" She's now getting serious. "Masyado kang marupok. Ano ba naman yung magpasuyo ka naman ng kaonti. Hindi 'yung konting kalabit lang sayo, maghuhubad ka na agad."