His Liability (Completed)

Chapter 20: Grieve

Days have passed but still the pain of losing my auntie Hilda is still here. We did rituals, prayers and other customs here in Thailand for the dead. I didn't have the courage nor the energy at first to do any of those things because seeing auntie's ashes in front really breaks my heart but I know I have to do those things for her because that's the least I can do for her now that she's gone.

I didn't talk to anyone and just sat in front of my auntie as guests from different clans come and go inside the temple. I didn't have the energy to deal with the judgemental eyes of auntie's relatives as they stared at me when they gathered around.

"Why is he here?"

"Is he really mourning for Hilda?"

"Frida, why don't you make your son sit aside so the guests can offer their prayers for Hilda without seeing him?"

"Why would you let your son sit in front anyway?"

Those are the questions I heard while sitting there for a few days but not once I heard my mom defending me. Not even a reconsideration that I'm mourning for my second mother. I wanted to scream and hurt them so they can leave me alone but I was reminded that we are inside a temple.

I felt warm hands touching my shoulder and I saw Mew sitting beside me. It's the seventh and last day of auntie with us and she will be buried beside this temple where her siblings decided to put her remains. Sometimes, Thai people's remains are scattered in the river, which is the family's choice but commonly, they are buried beside the temple or beside the walls. In my auntie's case, they decided to put her beside the temple.

"Babe, you have to catch some sleep. You're here for a whole day now. Did you eat anything yet?" he asked, concern was evident in his voice.

I pinched my fingers before shaking my head. I tried to smile but I failed. The excruciating pain that reigns inside me is still strong and I can't even smile nor fake it. I just can't. "I'll sleep later. I-I don't want to leave auntie alone."

Mew heaved a sigh as he nodded. "Okay but please promise me that you will go home with me tonight. You have to have the energy for tomorrow." his voice was gentle and full of concern when he spoke. I know he doesn't want me to push myself further but I just can't leave auntie alone.

I regret the time I went home to sleep and didn't have the chance to see her in her last minute. I regret leaving her with my mom and her family. I regret choosing sleep over my suffering auntie and I hate myself for doing so.

Time went by so fast that when I glanced at the outside of the temple, it's already dark. I barely ate today like the other days but weirdly, I can still move and continue to be with her.

"Gulf, go back to your hotel and rest for tonight. You have to be here tomorrow." Mom said beside me and I can't even look at her.

I want to blame her and her family for taking things lightly when auntie was in the hospital but I know they are not at fault when aunt Hilda decided to leave us permanently.

I want to disagree with her but I also know that I have to rest for tonight. I don't know if I can get any sleep but I have to try.

With the rambling thoughts within my system, I took a deep breath before nodding at my mom. I don't have to talk to her for her to notice how aloof I am towards her and her family. I am done with everything and I honestly don't want to do with anything that involves them.

It didn't take a while before Mew returned to fetch me. He's in a white crisp shirt and jeans when he guided me out of the temple. People kept on staring at him but I couldn't care less. I don't feel any emotion right now - not even a hint of jealously. It's just the numbing pain that resides within me that I'm sure of.