Fate - Jimmy Garoppolo

Chapter 21

"I named her and I buried her!" Isabelle shouted, her hands balled up into fists.

Jimmy stood stunned, feeling like his breath was just knocked out of him. He felt like all of a sudden, the weight of the world was on his shoulders, exactly how Isabelle had been feeling for the past few years.

"What? Nothing to say anymore?!" She spat out, narrowing her eyes at him. "You can't accuse me of more shit so now you're silent?!"

"Y-You..." He was finding a hard time forming words and actually speaking them. "W-What...I can't..." His hands were practically pulling at his hair as he tried to take deep breaths, the shocking news affecting him tremendously.

Regret was one of the major emotions that were coursing through him. Sadness was another while his heart broke thinking of how Isabelle had gone through this alone. His heart broke trying to comprehend how he was a father but now he wasn't. His heart shattered trying to imagine burying an infant. And as he kept imagining it, tears filled his eyes.

"Jim, hey, you good?" George asked him as he stepped in front of him.

Jimmy shook his head as he tried to wrap his head around the whole truth. He tried to steady himself as he felt like the room was spinning.

He was a father. His baby died. Isabelle had to go through it alone. She had to bury an infant. She had to bury Annabelle by herself. Those were the thoughts that were running through his mind as he tried to calm himself down.

"Iz! What the hell is going on with him?!" George asked her, worried about his best friend.

The anger in her dissolved, even if it would just be momentarily, but it dissolved and was replaced by worry as she hurried towards him. "He's having a panic attack. Jimmy, hey, hey, look at me." She tried with him but he just shook his head as he started to breathe fast. "I know it's hard but please just look at me, okay?"

"I-I can't..." He stuttered.

She grabbed his face with her hands and forced him to look at her. "I'm right here, okay? Now close your eyes and think of a happy place, okay? Think of anything or anywhere that'll calm you down."

And he did. He closed his eyes and the first image that came to his mind was that of him, Isabelle and Annabelle on the beach. And for a split second, he smiled, forgetting that it was his imagination. And then he opened his eyes and looked into the sad eyes of Isabelle, everything coming back to him.

His breathing was back to normal but his heart was now forever tainted. "Isabelle..."

She cleared her throat as she stood up, "I-I have to go."

"No, please." He quickly stood up as he grabbed her arm. "I'm s—"

She put her hand up, cutting him off. "If you say you're sorry, then all hell will break lose, James. Just don't say you're sorry, please. For the sake of my sanity."

"I just...Fuck, Isabelle, I was a complete asshole. I didn't expect...I didn't know..."

"But you assumed."

"And I was a fucking idiot for doing so, but I—"

She shook her head. "Do you see what happened a moment ago? Your panic attack? That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you found out that your daughter died? That horrid feeling you get as if your heart is being fucking snatched out of your chest? That is why I didn't tell you when it happened. Because I know that feeling, James. I fucking know that feeling and I didn't want you feeling it because what's the damn point? Why make you get sad over something that you can't fix anymore?"