For When You're A Man (under reconstruction)

Never Done This Before

This was the first time that one of Dad's letters hadn't helped. It was about romance. Not raw teenage attraction. Of the most primitive sense. Especially not raw homosexual teenage attraction. Attraction that's awkward. That has crazy consequences. I keep trying to read in between the lines but there's nothing there. So for the first time ever, I made my own decision. No recommendations from anyone.

It's about 9pm and I texted him. I have no idea how to flirt, at all. Why do I even have  to flirt, now that I know he's into me? I'll let you know once I figure it out.

So now I'm doing the thing that I usually laugh at white protagonists for doing in movies. Sneaking out of my window. It's not as exciting sneaking out of my flat though, since there's nothing cool around here, but he wanted to see my area so I said I'd show him.

"Hey," I said, now unsure of how to greet him.

"Hi," he responded.

 Snap out of it Ayo, I'm a whole 17 years old and I'm blushing like a year 8 right now. I feel my ears getting really hot and it's hard to look at him but it's hard to look away. Stupid pheromones. I wish I had some sort of experience, I'll bet Seb's been out with tons of people and I look like a massive idiot right now.

Then we just did this weird stare for a few seconds. It wasn't all cute like those Disney movies though. It was more like I felt like doing things in that moment that I had never thought do do before. I can't lie, the fact that this attraction was reciprocal made my latent attraction to him explode into the forefront of my brain. But I wasn't sure if this was a good feeling at all. Having a general attraction to guys was one thing, being attracted to a guy was different. Especially when it was mutual. I knew ultimately that sneaking around like this would inconvenience me. But anything to get my mind off my Dad or my responsibilities.

"Don't laugh at me but this is the first time I've ever done anything like this." I admitted, desperate to fill the silence.

"I'm more honoured actually. Not that I really know what this is," he replied.

Ditto. I'm not about to tell you 

"I'll show you around, don't get too excited. There's nothing much around here. There's a night market around 40 minutes away. I don't have my oyster so we'll have to walk it," I proposed.

He nodded.

"So, you've never done anything like this before," Seb smirked, his nose ring glistening in the dim light.

"Never," I admitted.

"Well, you must have imagined it before. What would you want to do?" He turned to look at me. I knew he wasn't asking about my fantasies about hot air balloons and sharing raw cookie dough in pyjamas. But I didn't know what to say. Because I wanted to do a lot.

" Wouldn't you like to know. But honestly, I wouldn't know where to start. I've never even kissed anyone before. But maybe some time soon, I'd be willing to try," I answered honestly.

"I'd be willing to wait for that," He said, looking me up and down.

We finally got to the night market and I could see that he was becoming slightly disorientated. With all of the Yoruba being thrown around, there was no wonder.

I zigzagged through the stalls and showed him around, remembering that I couldn't really hold his hand. I decided against going to the fishmongers for obvious reasons but I was really happy to show him where they sell the Nigerain fruits. I bagged up a few agbalumo  (African star apples) and some bracelets for Biola and I. (And I may have snagged an extra one for Seb whilst he wasn't looking). 

I love this place so much, there are real performers scattered around with talking drums of different sizes every hour.

"Do you like it here?" I asked, biting my lip. I was so entranced by this little pocket of our community that my Dad and I used to love that I completely forgot that I'm on a sort of first date.

"I love it, thanks for showing me," He said, wearing a smile that made his eyes disappear showing his sharp cainines. I think I'm staring a bit too much.

"I like it when you speak your language," he commented.

That was the first time that anyone had ever complemented my horrendous Yoruba so I was extremely flattered.

"It was much better when we lived over there when we were kids," I responded,

"It's a long walk back, we'd better go," I said, turning back.

He followed alongside me, it was a wonder he wasn't bored. We fell in a comfortable silence and glanced over at one another every few seconds.  I liked the one dimple he had one one of his cheeks. Don't ask me whether it was  left or right because I was too mesmerised by it to tell you.

We polished off the apples and I twiddled his bracelt around with my thumbs.

"Seb, you're the first person outside of my family that has ever appreciated my culture so I got you this," I said, presenting it. Now, I realise that for a not-date this was very date-like behaviour but my Dad always told me that you should never be empty handed when you're with someone that you care about.

We were around 10 minutes away from my place (which is where we had to say goodbye because there was no way that I could explain that away) and I leaned down and pecked him on the cheek, praying to the God I don't believe in that the Nigerian Network wouldn't see us and tell my mum. 

"I don't know what this is, but I like it. I'll see you on Monday,"

He smiled and waved at me. Brilliant, now I can see the dimple again.

Now, if only those teen movies could tell me how to sneak back in to my room.