Outer banks imagines

Not Afraid|| JJ Maybank x reader (Part 2)

Hey! I just found your account. Can I get a JJ imagine from the angst prompts you posted. Numbers 2,20,33, and 45. I was hoping that maybe the reader could be normally sunshiny but no one knows they are battling depression. She goes up to the tower with John B and instead of him falling its her. but she doesnt fall right away instead she is holding on then lets go. She is also dating JJ btw. Sorry ik this is confusing.

Prompts: 2: "Are you afraid to die?"

20: "How did things go so wrong?"

45: "Would you hate me?

A/n: Hey! I apologize for this one. It's awful but it's almost 1 am and I haven't slept in over 24 hours plus I'm on new medication. I will one day get back to this and fix it because it's awful. I'm Still writing the final part to They're so pretty. Sorry for the wait! Enjoy me spamming you with this series (although it's two parts so you can't really call it a series). Check out my master list and as always make sure to request! I have a list of things I write for so look at that! As always I love you all!! Besos Babes💗💗

Warnings: Suicide and depressive thoughts. I am in no way romanticizing any of these things. Please Babes seek help if you need it. It's hard but life doesn't throw anything at you that it knows you can't take. It only makes us stronger. I love you all and if these things are too triggering I will take it down just tell me.

I wake up feeling light. I open my eyes just to close them as fast due to the blinding fluorescent lights. I feel thin itchy sheets around my legs and a strange weight on my left leg. I finally adjust to the lights to see a blond figure next to me, holding my hand and softly snoring. As I start to move JJ shoots up, clearly still out of it. He looks at me startled as he wipes off the trail of drool that has left his lip.

"God" he says with a strangled sob. "You're awake. What hurts? Do you need a nurse? Are you okay?" He says hugging me.

"Apart from the crazy man I woke up to holding my hand I would say I'm pretty good." I say, trying desperately to make JJ smile, the smile I fell in love with. God how could I have been so stupid to have forgotten about him and the rest of the pogues. I am the one who brings them all together, the glittery glue fo the group if you will.

"Not that I don't love your company, but where is everyone else?" I ask

"John B took Sarah home. She was a mess, she keeps blaming herself because she should have done something so you wouldn't fall. I mean she isn't wrong. She should have done more. You shouldn't be in the hospital because of her Stu-" I cut him off.

"What do you mean she should have down more?" I ask.

"She grabbed you but clearly didn't hold on enough. God I can't believe she just let it all hap/"

"JJ! Stop! You have no right to say what haf happened in the hawk's nest you weren't there! And she didn't fall, I just let go." I scream at him without thinking. I immediately cover my mouth after I said that last part. Shit shit shit y/n. You are the glue, you are the shoulder everyone leans on. You can't be the depressed one of the group, they need you too much for that.

Silence as I see JJ process this all.

" Baby?" He says. "Baby what do you mean? Hello" LOOK AT ME FOR FUCKS SALE Y/N!" He screams. I feel a tear slip down from my eye and he immediately softens. "You don't mean that Y/n. You don't wanna that you let go. You slipped that's what happened. You slipped and fell. You'd isn't let go. You wouldn't do that right? Right Y/n/n?" Jj desperately asked on the brink of a breakdown.

"I'm so sorry JJ, I wasn't thinking, I mean I was I just, I just can't do it anymore. It's as selfish of me to not think of you all but all I could thinks bout was 'this is it, this is my opportunity'. I am sorry" I am fully sobbing now.

"Aren't you afraid to die Y/n?" He asks also sobbing.

"I'm more afraid of leaving you all. I'm the happy one of the group, after all, I have put everyone's happiness in front of my own for so long, I feel empty most of the time" I say as he gets in the cramped hospital bed with me. I feel the warmth radiating off his body and shiver at the feeling. "God JJ, do you hate me now?" I ask holding him.

"Y/n you are the best thing to grace this earth. You are loved by so many even if you can't see it. It's important that you know how important your happiness is." He says calmly, still crying as he rubs my back.

" Jesus, when did things go so wrong? I'm so sorry baby"

"Hey," he says lifting my chin to look at him, " You'd housing be sorry, I should. You are my everything and I feel so stupid for not seeing your pain. Please talk to me or the pogues or anyone when you feel like this. I don't know what I would do without you Y/n, I want you here for the rest of my life. I want to start a family and grow old with you. I want to go full kook and own half of figure 8 with you. But you need to stay for us to make that happen. Please stay so we can make this happen." He hugs me and hums softly as I fall asleep.