A Dance of Life

33

"Why did Nathan leave?" Lucas asks as I'm tucking him into his side of the bed the following night. I can tell he's still upset from Diana's sour behavior during dinner; his brows are knitted together and his lips are pursed in a line.

"He needed to sort a few things out," I tell him, ruffling his locs. "He'll be back soon."

I hope so.

I smile at him and plant a kiss on his head. I tap the blanket and move to stand but he grabs my wrist.

"Are you leaving too?"

"Uh, no, I'm just going upstairs," I say but he doesn't look convinced.

"Please don't leave me," he says, fear in his eyes.

It's uncomfortable to crouch, so I sit back on the bed to be close to him, my heart breaking. "I'm really not leaving, bud, if you need me I'll be upstairs."

He shakes his head and holds my hand tighter, and that's when I realize that he's probably never slept alone. He's always had Diana, and then Nathan. Last night we all fell asleep watching TV so it wasn't an issue.

"Okay, but just for a couple of nights alright? You're a big boy now and you have to learn how to sleep on your own."

He visibly relaxes but doesn't smile. I move to Nathan's side of the bed and pause. I text Pat about the situation and ask her to stay with Diana, we don't need her feeling dejected either. Once that's done, I look at the bed and take a deep breath.

How am I going to sleep here when it probably smells like him? And Lucas isn't going to allow me to go get my pillow so I have to cuddle one of his. If Pat catches me snuggling Nathan's pillow, she isn't going to let me hear the end of it.

I make sure my face doesn't show what I'm feeling inside because Lucas is watching me carefully. I peel the covers back and hold my breath as I lower myself onto the bed.

It's not diseased, Annelise, behave.

Have you ever slept in a man's bed? No? Then leave me alone.

"Goodnight, babies," Lucas says. He taps my tummy gently and gives me a smile before turning away from me.

There's a response from the baby on the right and I rub it to calm myself down. I've found that rubbing my tummy when they move has become almost therapeutic, reminding me to come back to earth.

I pull the blanket over my nose, as a force of habit, breathing in Nathan's scent in the process. There's a flutter in my stomach, but I know it's not from the babies this time. I breathe it in again, closing my eyes and imagine he's here with me, arms wrapped around me.

Eventually, I fall asleep. My fantasy, paving the way for a dream.

***

I wake up to an empty bed and a hurting back.

One week of luxury and you suddenly have so much to complain about, I say to my body.

I'm thinking that maybe I can get a little more sleep, but Lucas barges into the room, Pat close behind him. I groan silently and sit up.

"Morning," she says with a bright smile.

I give her the best smile I can muster, my body still yearning to go back to bed.

I guess this is how they felt when I woke them up that morning.

"We decided to do something special for you since you've been going out of your way to do something special for us," Pat tells me as she sits on the bed, pulling Lucas onto her lap. "So Diana decided we should make you breakfast."