A Dance of Life

36

Pat and I both crash into our beds once we reach the apartment, exhausted from the trip. The taxi ride was hot and super uncomfortable, and by the time we arrived home, my back was hurting immensely.

"Tell me again why you didn't call your boyfriend?" Pat groans, flipping onto her back.

"I did, but I told him not to bother after you told me about your family," I reply quietly, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Um," Pat starts, sitting up. "What does my family have to do with a car ride?"

Her voice is tight, so I can't tell if she's purposely holding back emotion, or which emotion it might be.

"In case you wanted to talk?" I tell her as I place a pillow under my belly and between my legs.

"Why would I want to talk? And there's nothing to talk about anyway. That chapter of my life is closed." She stares at me intensely for a few moments then goes back to lying down, staring at the bunk above her.

"It doesn't work that way, Pat, and you know it." I pause to breathe through the discomfort and make sure my voice is stern. "It doesn't matter how much you'd like it to be true. It isn't."

"Why exactly are we talking about this?" she asks, her voice layered with annoyance. "I didn't force you to talk about your dad or any of your problems."

"I'm not trying to force you," I say, hurt that she doesn't understand. "You've always been there for me, when I needed you and when I didn't think I did. I just want to do the same for you."

And you did try and force me to talk about what you thought happened with Frederic, I think, but I push the thought away; it would only cause an argument.

"Your peace of mind is a priority to me and I love you, so let me be there for you..."

She doesn't respond. Instead, she clenches her fist to her chest and closes her eyes. Her chest rises and falls unevenly, and I know she's trying not to cry.

"You were with them for more than half of your life, Pattycake, that doesn't just go away. You ju-"

"I don't want to talk about this, Annelise," she interrupts, turning onto her side and facing the wall.

I sigh, wishing I could stand up and embrace her, but the pain in my back won't let me. "I understand, but it doesn't matter what's going on, I'm available for you to talk to."

She stays silent and I feel sad; I hope I didn't push her away.

~~~

My ringtone pulls me out of my sleep. I quickly silence it and glance at Pat's bed, hoping I didn't wake her up. She's still facing the wall and her breathing is steady, so I answer the call, not bothering to check the ID.

"Hey, Annelise, how are you?"

"Nathan? Hi. I'm... good." I try and make my voice as quiet as possible, and for maximum effects, I pull my duvet over my head. "What's up? How are you?"

"Excited that you're back in town. I've missed you so much." He sounds like he's smiling, and I find myself smiling as well.

"I missed you too," I whisper.

"Are you free? I really want to see you." I hear a fridge door close on the line, causing my stomach to grumble in response.

Shoot. I need to eat.

"How about I pick you up in about ten minutes?" He suggests, his voice softer.

"Uh, I can't actually; I have to stay with Pat," I tell him without thinking.