A Dance of Life

16

Before going back into the house, I call Patricia to let her know what's going on. I don't think it would be fair for her not to know the situation at home.

"Alright," she sighs, after a lot of questions as to why they couldn't go anywhere else. "Do I need to buy anything? Like snacks?"

"No, I don't think so. We have some snacks here, even if they aren't sugar laden," I reply, sitting on the entrance stairs.

"Okay, but I'll still go to the store to see what we might need to buy; just in case."

"That's a good idea, I guess. Don't forget to talk to Frankie," I remind her before hanging up.

The front door opens and Diana walks out. "I hope it's okay that I covered Lucas with the first blanket I saw?" She asks, moving to sit beside me.

I nod in answer and lean against the railing; creating more space for her. Neither of us says anything for a while but I can tell that she's itching to ask something. "I can't tell you, but if you ask I would answer honestly," I tell her when she still doesn't speak up.

"Okay... um, so you're pregnant? Is that why you haven't been coming to class?"

"Yes, yes, and no, not really."

"Huh," she laughs, "I didn't get anything from that."

"Yes, I'm pregnant. Yes, that's why I stopped coming to class; I have been ordered not to burn too many calories. But at the same time, no, that's not why I stopped coming," I clarify.

"So what's the other reason you stopped coming, you and your boyfriend that is?"

I almost tell her to stop calling Nathan my boyfriend, but I manage to catch myself. "He has a name, you know? It's Nathan," I laugh, "And Logan is bothering me - us."

"I thought he and Logan were friends."

"That's not a question, D.R.," I tease.

"You don't have to answer this one if you don't want to..." she starts and I immediately know what she's going to say.

"Did you ever have a situation when you were younger, where someone would ask you who you liked? They'd list off boys, and you'd answer 'no' with a laugh each time, but when they got to the guy you liked you realized you didn't want to say 'no' but you didn't want to say 'yes', so you just stayed silent? But that silence gave you away, didn't it?" I turn fully towards her and give her a reassuring smile. "Ask anything you want, D."

"Alright," she mutters, leaning on the wall and facing me. "Did someone... um, attack you?"

There's a healing process from facing your fears. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

I give her a sad look, "I can't read minds, you know? And I want you to know... but I- the words won't come out. So for me to answer your question honestly, I need you to ask the question properly."

"Were you... raped?" She says the word in a whisper, her brows furrowing apprehension.

I gaze at the sky, watching the clouds change shape. My mouth feels stuck, and I'm frustrated. I want to be ready for this. I want to tell her, Lord. I know my silence is an answer but I want to get out of the victim stage. I want to own it. I want to be healed.

"Yes. Yeah, I was." A weight that I didn't know was suffocating me lifts, and peace flows through me.

She pulls me into a hug before I can react and squeezes me tight. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, Annelise," she says, her voice cracking. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."