Within You Without You ~ George Harrison/The Beatles

Chapter Twenty: Unknown Delight

Connie was still terrified of hospitals.

It was a fear that would probably stay with her for the rest of her life, her mind instantly taking her back to the horrific memory of her mother's death. Hospitals were meant to be places you'd go to get better, and nurses were there to look after you, not the sort of place where someone who's sole purpose to help gets murdered. It didn't matter how long ago it was, anytime Connie went near a hospital she felt as if she was mentally reliving her mother's death, the fact that she hadn't directly witnessed it meaning her imagination ran wild in the worst possible way.

That day was no exception. It wasn't just the fear of hospitals or the thought of her mother that had her on edge, but as she went with one of the nurses and did the pregnancy tests she felt as if her insides had tightened, constricted by anxiety as her mind automatically reminded her of every previous test she'd taken. Every negative test. She'd just got her mind around the thought of not having children, she'd just made peace with the past, now it was all getting dug back up. If it was another negative, if the vomiting and late period had just been an odd fluke, Connie didn't know how she was going to react. Would it bring back the troubles with George again, the long silences and awkwardness, neither of them able to face the other? Would she get over this test as badly as she did the last one? After what the doctor had said to her last time, the whole trip out of the ashram to the medical centre felt like a pointless activity that would bring both her and George nothing but further upset.

Still though, she went along with it for George's sake. She didn't tell him her doubts or fears any more than she already had done in their bungalow, but as soon as the taxi had dropped them off at the medical centre in Rishikesh, he could feel her nerves. It was different to the medical centres back home, but on the plus side no one really knew who they were so they had proper privacy, and as they signed in they were seen to by an American doctor who had apparently come over to India for work experience. It was quiet so they were assigned their own room, and after Connie had done all the necessary tests, she and George sat alone side-by-side on a hospital bench, both of them silent as they waited for the doctor to return with the results.

George had his hand intertwined with Connie's, and as more time passed he began to feel her shiver. She was normally quite good at hiding her fear and controlling her emotions, but clearly the situation was a bit much for her. He was surprised he'd managed to talk her into going at all considering how angry she'd been when Paul suggested she see a doctor. She was usually so stubborn that when she didn't want to do something she'd not do it at all, so he was actually really proud that she'd agreed to go. Maybe after his revelation even she knew she'd need medical attention, even if she hadn't yet admitted it to him.

Gently he squeezed her hand, offering her a reassuring smile when she looked up from the floor to meet his eyes for a split second. With a small sigh, she leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, and he responded by pushing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

"Will you sing for me?" She asked, her voice ever so slightly croaky, as if she was straining it from not shaking. "Take our minds off it?"

"Now I know I'm not handsome, no good looks or wealth, but the girls I chase say my plain face will compromise their health," George began to sing quietly, his choice of song making Connie let out a quiet snort of a laugh. "Now I know fellows worse than me bow-legged and boss-eyed, walking out with lovely women clinging to their side,"

"Now if women like them like men like those, why don't women like me?" she sang along with him before drifting off so she could hear his voice better.

"Look at Empress Josephine, the most attractive women that was ever seen, yet Napoleon short and fat captivates a lovely looking dame like that," George continued, and Connie couldn't help but let out a quiet gasp. "Now if women like them like men like those, why don't women like me?"