It's OKAY not to be OKAY. /GDC/MSZS

I am 'okay'

Wei Wuxians POV:

I am Wei Wuxian, I am currently in Mo Xuanyu's body (due to him forcefully summoning me without me knowing) everyday seems alright I guess, it's been pretty boring ever since we exposed Meng Yao and I parted from Lan Zhan. But then we got back together and I stayed in cloud recess with him (as friends Ofcourse nothing more nothing less).

(In the jingshi)

I never ask anything from Lan Zhan to not bother him accidentally and then he would kick me out like in the past. But this time something changed, he seemed different, more caring, it's as if he loves me or i am someone important to him that he can't live without. But who am I kidding? That can't be because Lan Zhan, the great hanguang-jun the fearless emotionless, stone-faced subborn man can't love a man like me, the great yilling partaich, the evil sourcer who mastered demonic cultivation since young.

But even so, what is he to me? Whatever, it's not that important to think of now. The point is that I try not to talk much to him and bother him. But I also can't let him be too bored with me so...

I will smile, smile not because I'm forced, smile not because I have to, smile not because to comfort others but myself too. I mask my pain not to worry others. I hide my face not to show others. I run away from my problems not to cause any. But little did I know that I was the problem I was running away from...

Lan Zhan was staring at me without me realising, and I opened my eyes, snapped from the trail of thoughts, through the never ending pain and looked to what I would gain.

"Wei Ying." His ever so demanding and megestic voice spoke.

"Lan Zhan.." I replied giving him my best smile.

"..."

"Why are you going through this? Are you not alright? Are you okay?" He spoke worryingly but it sounded more like a plead.

I touched my head and my lips and realized I was bleeding. There was blood all over my hands. I don't know what happened, was I overthinking things that I accidentally harmed myself? Or was it something else? But hearing Lan Zhan's worried tone got me shocked and I thought for a while.

'Am I really okay? Do I really have to go through this every night, am I willing to keep this?' I replied anyways

"Yes I am okay, thank you for worrying. It must have been an accident or I was overthinking ahhah.." I said this because Ofcourse it is alright, right?

"Mn. Anything for my Wei Ying." Lan Zhan said and smiled wiping me with a paper towel.

"But Lan Zhan I can do it myself, okay?" I said even though it pained me. He was acting very subborn, what is with Lan Zhan these days?! Oh wait.. did he call me 'my Wei Ying' no no no no I don't want to be his! no way! He is too much! Maybe it was an accident right? Yes yes it is ahaha my bad, I must be hallucinating...

Then after Lan Zhan left the room to get some tea and other stuff, I quickly sat down and started to remember what ACTUALLY happened and why was I bleeding a lot.

Flashback-

'i was doing a night hunt with my son and Wen Ning when suddenly we were attacked. I tried to save them by using myself as a shield. But it didn't work. I was getting tired my eye lids were getting heavy when I got blasted by the monster. Wen Ning couldn't protect my son because me and him share the same energy. So if i am not fighting he can't either. Before I passed out because of the loss of blood I called for help and then Lan Zhan came. They both aided me and brought me into the jingshi. Sizuhi was alright just a little scratch on his hand that's all and Wen Ning, he can easily recover because he isn't really a human.'

End of flashback-

I let out a deep breath and was really shocked but I guess it's okay? I survived (not that I wanted to). I sighed and went back to sleep.

Soon Lan Zhan came in and saw me asleep. He came and without me knowing he placed a light kiss on my forehead and held my hand watching me sleep. Do I look like and angel when I sleep? Would he really want to touch me? Is it okay?

The next day-

I woke up feeling normal. And tried practicing my smile to not show any signs of depression or anxiety when inside I'm dying.

The day also went smoothly. When I was taking a walk through the cloud recess since I was bored I thought since no one is watching so I dropped the fake smile act and sighed. It kinda felt like I was tumbling, like I was a stone that's wishing to melt. The dirt wishing to stay dry. The wind hoping to be blown away.

While I'm still here with a heart-broken smile, the pale face showing more. And my heart, belongs to no one but myself. Sadly I cannot die... I learnt this from a wizard (that has already passed out while doing this) he inflicted me a curse to be immortal and watch as the ones I love pass away, he did this also for my sake, so I couldn't die or kill myself.

It's okay though, I don't have anyone right? I'm selfish and love myself right? Isnt that me? Is it?

Unbeknownst to me, Lan Zhan was quietly Watching me and my smile fading away, the light aura that surrounded and flown through me during the day is gone and replaced with darkness and despair. Lan Zhan felt a pain in his heart when he saw that one who is special to him suffer. 'But why? Why is he suffering?' He wonders. 'Was it because of me? Us?'

Lan Zhan felt the urge to cry he felt like he was losing me again even though he is right Infront of me. He also felt like the one he is facing right now is a whole new different person.

"Wei Ying" I heard his voice wide and clear, I flinched I did not realize he was there. I hoped this was not actually happening I kept thinking so much and I began to feel so dizzy. I saw him, he just stood Infront of me staring. I couldn't hold it any longer, I cried. I began sobbing and he offered me his arms I refused but he pulled me into his embrace and began shushing me and calming me down with his gentle voice.

Finally I stopped, I wiped my tears and pulled away, he frowned from the sudden way i parted from him, he wanted to be in my embrace for a long time maybe forever.

"Are you okay? Why did you cry, what happened I can help." Lan Zhan spoke feeling a bit overwhelmed with all this happening to quickly and he is also too confused on what he just witnesssed.

"Lan Zhan.. I'm okay."

(A/N hi guys! Well how do u like the story? I hope it's good! It's something I came up with while watching some depressing shit and thought, oh well why don't I do this? So I wrote this and took a long time lol)

Total words: 1267