Perfectly Imperfect Life

Ashley Garcia (ch 1)

Depression, is it a serious problem? yes.

Do people with depression need help? yes.

are they struggling a lot? yes.

but I want to ask someone this question, why do other people think that depression is a joke? is it because you can't tell if they're real or fake?

my name is Ashley Garcia, I'm 17. my father died 2 years ago and to this day, my mother mourns for him. I was a happy kid back then, but I'm nothing today.

we had a car accident on the road and at that time we were okay, and dad was okay but, the man inside the car that we crashed into suddenly got mad.

my dad tried to talk it out but the man held a gun and shot his head, right in front of my own eyes. it's ridiculous, right? yeah, I thought so too, but it happened and I can't change it back or bring back time.

it's just tiring to wake up everyday, feeling emotionally and physically awful. it's like waking up every day in hell. I'm suffering and I just want all the pain and sadness to go away.

for 2 years, I became like a ghost. living under the shadows. people may think that I'm overreacting that my whole personality changed because my father died 2 years ago but that's what pain does right? make you suffer, make you change. whether it's good or bad.

I wasn't that shy before, instead, I was really active and hyper. but now I'm an anti-social depressed nerdy girl.

I had friends back then but they seemed to stop being my friends because they can't handle the sudden change of my personality. do they even know the word adjust?

to be honest, it was lonely having no friends for the past 2 years. I guess it's my fault for being this scarred and sensitive. school is starting soon and I guess there's gonna be a season 3 of a ghost girl.

I'm not really nervous because I know what I'm expecting. rumors spreading that I was that ghost girl 2 years ago. bullying and people making fun of me. same old stuff, does this year have anything better than seeing someone else suffer because of you? it's too repetitive. I also want some thrill in life but I'm afraid my confidence isn't that high enough.

would I be living differently if nothing bad happened at that time? yes, drastically. I'd be living like a normal teenager but it didn't. the fact that I got depression instead of happiness was such a scam. it's like those funny quotes like "oh how the tables have turned." but instead of funny, it was not. I'm really bad at this. I always add something sad at things that are meant to be funny.

call me a killjoy and I'll accept it. even I hate myself. if you somehow hate me, I hate myself more. if you think I'm trash, same here. I think I'm trash.

why is the world so cruel and unfair, taking away happiness and giving me sadness instead. how f*cked up really...