The Silent Playlist

Track 5 Ikaw Lamang

Today is our wedding day. I'm Aica Concepcion soon to be Mrs. Elijah Marasigan.

Ely and I we've been together for quite some time already.

We are boyfriend girlfriend for six months and decided to get married na this December.

And to tell you honestly, it was quite a challenge for me to get him. Because he was with someone before. Yung sa amin, play time lang. Alam ko naman yun.

And I'm very much aware of that.

Kaso hindi lang talaga matanggap ng ego ko dati na nainlove sya sa babaeng ugh, should I even call her a girl? Call me mean pero hindi talaga bagay. He wasn't Elijah Marasigan for nothing. He was way too perfect for a guy. He was my ideal man. Pero nga he was willing to marry the girl na sobrang clumsy and isa syang bastarda. I've seen that girl. Angelique Valera. She's a typical girl with the boyish attitude. I think I almost know her dahil sa dami din ng kwento ni Ely at dahil sa isa pang lalaki. And she's not that pretty din naman. I've heard anak sya sa labas ng dad nya. Hindi ko alam kay Ely if she really love the girl o naaawa ang sya kasi nga guys, napakabait ni Ely. I don't know either if hate or pity grew in me because of that man and Elijah. Whatever.

Maybe nagtataka kayo how Ely and I ended up kung si Angelique naman talaga ang mahal nya at balak nyang pakasalan.

Simple lang I wouldn't be Aica Concepcion for nothing either. I have mastered the art of seduction and I applied it best with Ely. He got drunk and lost control and we did make out one night.

He gave in easily, and being the classic bitch I send Angelique the voice recording of Ely saying how much he wants me. Ely doesn't know a thing about that.

Angelique confronted me about what I did. I know she will. Hinayaan ko na lang sya. Kawawa na rin naman sya. Maybe I deserve that slap a little.

Ely was so frustrated that time minsan naiisip ko nalang sabihin sakanya lahat at magsorry. Kaso tuwing nararamdaman kong ako yung kailangan nya I always thought otherwise.

Maybe I was wrong for doing that but I did that because I love him. I love him so much.

I tried na hindi nalang. Pero wala akong nagawa. Siya ang gusto ko. Siya lang ang mahal ko.

Simula ng makilala ko sya, I started to care. Dati naman puro lang ako. ME. MYSELF. I. Ayan lang naman ang pronouns na essential sa akin. But when he came to my life, slowly, unknowingly it becomes all about HIM. Everything about him. I hated it pero wala anong magagawa ko. He slowly turned my world into him, him alone. Hindi nya sinasadya hindi ko rin naman alam na magiging ganun.

Ngayon kasal ko na, masaya ako pero may part sa akin na hindi. Kailangang kailangan ko sya lalo na ngayon pero pinapatay ako ng konsensya ko sa ginawa ko sakanila ni Angelique. Alam ko mahal pa rin sya ni Angelique.

Inaayos nila yung gown ko, I was shaking. Gustong gusto ko na matali pero hindi ako mapakali, kasi sa gagawin ko baka masira yung kasal ko.

Ayoko ng maulit ang nangyari three years ago.

I was once left in the altar.

That's the reason why I hated commitment.

At ngayon, andito nanaman ako sa sitwasyon na ito. Chrystin was here. She's one of my bridesmaids. She was present too nung wedding ko dapat three years ago. She was one of my friends? Yeah I'm not so sure but that's what I think I should call her. You know, in my world I believed that I could only trust myself. And I love myself alone, no one else just me. But the great prince charming came and made me realize that, I shouldn't be some self centered girl and try trusting other people.