For Ever

fourteen

dear ever,

swimming was never my strong suit. after that incident in swimming summer camp when i was seven, i never dared to swim in a pool where i can no longer touch the floor. nor do i swim in oceans and lakes without a floaty. but on the other hand, you were good at staying alive.

remember that day i drowned when you tricked me? i didn't know you had a mischievous side, ever.

"That's it, you're doing a great job Tani!" you cheered me on as I sat at the edge of the pool. Your awfully loud voice broke the serene atmosphere that was engulfing me as my legs swayed alternately in the water. I rolled my eyes and raised my middle finger proudly. Letting you know that you have disrupted a precious moment. I heard you chuckle and I groaned in annoyance. You sat next to me and place your legs in the water, like mine.

"I thought you were afraid of the water?" you wondered, tilting your head to face me. A curious look resting on your face. I smirked in reply and then jumped down to the pool to prove that I, Tanisha Jane, was not afraid of the water. The height of the water was just above my chest and the movements I made sent massive ripples that's disturbing the peaceful water.

"I'm not afraid of the water..." I trailed off, moving both my hands in it, mimicking the movement of a fish. Playing around like a little kid. "I'm afraid of drowning," I clarified. "As long as I can stand without my head submerged in water, I'm okay."

"Can you swim?"

You jumped into the pool, right next to me.  Sending splashes of cold water to the dry pavement. Like mine, it sent ripples to the water, yet again disturbing it's peace.

It took me a moment to reply, not knowing how to answer. I opened my mouth to say something and then closed it again. Finding the right word to explain was difficult enough. I'm never the one to admit that I can't swim, I was too ashamed to do so.

"I can't say that I can," I started immediately avoiding your gaze, dropping my head and shoulders down, sighing. "But I can't say that I can't."

You blinked aggressively trying to decipher what I just said. You seemed lost, it reminded me of Bree during Chemistry when our professor was spouting too much information in one sitting. Your eyebrows scrunched and then move up and finally nodding in understanding.

"You can swim under the circumstance that you're sure your head is above water? But if you don't, you can't?" you said slowly almost as if you were afraid to get it wrong but surprisingly you didn't.

"Yeah, like this."

I held on at the edge of the pool and then hoisted my feet at the wall just slightly above the ground I was stepping on. At full force, I pushed myself forward and started swimming across the pool. I made sloppy strokes and fluttered my legs in the water. I know it wasn't the best but it would suffice.

"See, I'm not struggling," I shouted when I finally reached the other side. I heard you chuckle and saw your shoulders bopped up and down. You then swam towards me, quicker than I did on my own. 

"Not bad, so I see the problem is up here," you muttered as you patted my damp head. You pursed your lips and then spoke, "I guess I can't teach you here."

I looked up to you in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"This pool is meant for kids. I thought you couldn't swim that's why we went here. The height of the pool remains constant, five feet," you stretched your and pointed to the left and right. My mouth was ajar and then nodded in understanding. Your mood instantly changed, like a switch.

"Well, why don't we just have fun then? Let's make use of our trip here. You can teach me not to drown next time," I say trying to lighten up the mood. I could sense your defeat as you forced a smile. Your expression remained the same, although not stated it was evident, Ever. You were sad that in your attempt of teaching me how to swim or should I say not to drown, was a fail. You stood there dejected for almost a minute or two. I pulled you in a tight hug and patted your back. Trying to comfort you as much as I can.

"There's always a next time," I whispered in his ear. The only sound that was emitting after that, other than the ripples of water that haven't calmed, was our breathing. I then placed my hand on your broad shoulders. I crouched down to see your eyes and smiled. "Cheer up! Alright? It's okay, Ever. It's not the end of the world." 

"Let's have fun."

After that, I swam to every corner of this pool, both longitudinally and across. Meeting every corner of this pool. Showing you that we should make this opportunity for fun instead. I swam again towards you and then when I was near. You looked up and smiled, a little speck of mischief in your eyes. I never knew you had that in you or was I just seeing things?

"Race you!" you muttered immediately making long and fast strokes as you swam. You made your way to other side of this rectangular pool, swimming as if your life depended on it.

"That's a really long swim! No fair! You had a head start," I shouted which made you stop halfway and lifted your ahead above water.

"Come over here then! We'll start the race here!"

I immediately swam towards you, excited. I lifted my head to see if I was near you. Once I was I tried to stand up, only to realize that I can no longer touch the ground. Panic came in and I immediately started  trying to hoist myself up, desperately trying to get out of the water. But due to the fact that water wasn't hard and sturdy like a pavement, I failed. My anxiety creeped in as I was trying my best to keep my head above the water but my body felt so heavy as if dumbbells were tied down to my feet. Then I felt your hand on my waist. Helping me, to calm down and stay up. I held onto you, wrapping my arms above your shoulder and my legs to your waist. I placed my head at the crook of your neck.

"Tani, calm down," you sheepishly say. "I'm sorry for tricking you. I was just trying to help."

Tears were forming from eyes as my breathing began to slow down.

"I hate you."