Hold Me In Your Arms Forever (suicidal Sugawara x Daichi haikyuu!!)

Chapter 6

Suga's POV- Friday

The warmth on my skin awakes me. I bring up my hand and rub away the sleep from my eyes as a small streak of light pierces my curtains. I hear some shuffling next to me and sit up fast. Too fast.

"Hey, it's alright, it's just me." Daichi says. I feel his hand on my shoulder. A sigh escapes my lips. "Here," he starts. "I brought you your favourite." He hands me an old pale blue mug filled with mint and camomile tea. The aroma finally wafts into my nose and I let a smile rest on my face.

"Thank you." I take a small sip and close my eyes. I let my mind wander for a bit, thinking about school and last night. I open my eyes and look to Daichi who is leaning against the wall, looking out of my room's small window. "Why are you still here?"

'Hm?" He turns his body to face me. "Well I wasn't just going to leave you without some kind of explanation from you. Don't worry though, I wont interrogate you." I look into his dark eyes. He looks tired but happy. I think back to last night, or more technically early this morning. And how it's Friday.

"Wait what's the time?" I ask, panic clearly lacing my words. I hear a light chuckle come from the other who sits down next to me.

"Don't worry, I called both the school and Kyoko about how we were both taking today off for personal reasons." He gives me a thumbs up and I let my head fall back onto the wall softly. I take another sip of the tea and hum. I try not to think about a lulling sadness pulling at the back of my head.

"What are we going to do today then?" I ask. Daichi thinks for a second before finally makes a plan.

"Maybe we could stay here and rest, or would you like to come to my house?"

"We can go to yours, I don't know if I can stand being in here. I'm going to have a shower first, if that's ok?"

"Yeah, and do you mind if I have one after you?" he asks. I nod and smile, finishing off the tea I'd been slowly sipping. I put the mug on my bedside table and push off the covers. I look back to him and ponder a very dumb thought that shouldn't be said or thought. But I say it anyways.

"Or do you want to join me?" I ask. Fuck. I feel the heat rush to my cheeks and before I manage to say anything else I hear a reply.

"Oh! Only if you're comfortable with that, but I'm down." He smiles and stands up from my bed. I quickly turn back around and shout a "yEP!" I walk to the bathroom and turn on the lights. For a second I expected a pool of blood near the wall but the floor is still the same stained yellow as it was when I first moved in.

I feel the presence of Daichi behind me.

"I cleaned up while you were sleeping." He says. I move forward to the shower and turn it on. I feel my hands shaking, and I grab the hem of my shirt. I look down at the ground and lean against the sink. I don't want him to see me. Or do I?

I look up to see Daichi shirtless and taking off his socks. I feel my face flush, causing me to put one hand over my cheek.
"Hey, are you ok?" I hear from above me. I tilt my head up to see him looking at me with soft eyes. I feel my heartbeat accelerate and I gulp.
"Y...yeah..." I whisper. I fiddle with my hands. Though I feel large arms slowly go around my shoulders and back. Slowly again, I move my own arms around his waist. I put my forehead on his shoulder and let out uneven breaths.

"We don't have to shower together if you don't want to. I understand if you're uncomfortable or weirded out by other guys-"

"I-I'm not!" I quickly retort, pushing him back a little so I can look at him. "Well, what I mean is I'm not grossed out by seeing guys naked because it's normal for most guys to have stuff and I understand that others don't and-"

"Suga, calm down." Daichi says with a soft but serious tone. "Are you comfortable with this?"

I stop and take a breath.

⚠️ Heavy language warning ⚠️

Oh cut it out, he'll judge you. You're so frail and disgusting, have you forgotten about your cuts and scars? You're so stupid. What if you get hard? He'll know you're gay. He'll know you like him. He'll know your gross secret.

I feel my legs start to wobble and my vision gets cloudy. I put my hands up to my face and cover my eyes. I feel the tears slip out, one by one, rolling down my cheeks.

"Oh, Ko..." he mutters, "it's ok, I'm here..."

Good for nothing piece of shit. Why haven't you just cut yourself deep enough to die. You thought I went away, huh? You'll never be released from your own torment. He probably wants you to get naked so he can take a photo and show everyone how much of a fag you are. You're a dirty faggot.

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up!" I nudge the hand that was on my shoulder off, turn around and punch the mirror. My mind explodes. Glass shatters. Blood.

I grab my now bleeding hand with my left arm. I stumble backwards and land on Daichi. He puts one arm around my torso and the other is used to also hold my hand.

"Christ, are you ok? That's a stupid question, god, I'm stupid!" I hear him ramble.

He thinks you're even more of a freak now, well done! I hope you're proud of yourself, because no one else will ever be proud of you. You're better off stabbing yourself with that glass. I'm sure your 'friend' will be happy seeing that. He'll finally stop being disgusted by a stupid faggot.

⚠️ End of heavy language ⚠️

"S-stop! I fucking hate you!" I pull out of Daichi's arms and move back to the shattered window. "Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. HEAD!" I swing to punch the mirror but I hit something softer instead. I hear a quiet 'ouch' before opening my eyes, which I realise now we're closed.

I see a teary, half naked Daichi with his hand blocking mine from the mirror. I let my arms drop to my side as I step back.

"I'm..."

"Don't worry about it." Daichi says quietly. He wipes his own non bleeding hand.

"Wh...why are you crying?" I whisper. I lean against the wall and cover my mouth. Hearing a small laugh from him averts my attention from the voice mocking me.

"I'm crying... I'm crying because I'm worried. I've always been worried about you. The thing is, you've always been my best friend. Do you think I didn't notice when you started wearing only long sleeves or coming to school with a red, puffy face and giant bags under your eyes? I notice everything about you, a..and I've always..." he trails off as he looks at the ground.

I slowly move forward, not really knowing what's going through my head at the moment. I feel the tears continue slipping down my cheeks and I hear the loud beating of the water against the shower floor. I feel the light sensation of blood dripping down my numb hand.

He moves his head up to look at me. Cupping my cheek, he cocks his head to the side slightly and let's out a dry laugh.

"Suga, I think I fell in love."

1323 WORDS HWLSBSSJBFAMBXKSBDKABDKSHDKSHEJEHSKDHSKDHAJHDJSHDKAHDJSDHAKDJAJDHKSHDKSHDJAHDKAHDJA I KNOW ITS LIKE TWO WEEKS LATE BUT DONT YELL ST ME PLEASE AJDHAKDHAJS I HAVENT PROOF READ ANYTHING I JUST BSUYED OHT 500 WORDS IN HALF AN HOUR AND AJHWKDHAJJWDJJDHD IM SORRY FOR THE WAIT AND ALSO IM SORRY FOR THE BAD LANGUAGE HUT I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP MOVE SUGA AND ALSO DONT YELL AT ME FOR LIKE THE ALL OVER THE PLACE-NESS IM LIKE CRYING ALSO PUMP IT UP CAME ON WHEN I WAS WRITING THE PUNCHING THE MIRROR BIT AND I WAS CRYING CAUSE IM JUSG GOI NG "DONT YOU KNOW PUMP IT UP YOU GOTTA PUMP IT uP" WHILE MAKING TWO ANIME DHARACYERS SEVERELY GAY AND ONE SEVERELY DEPRESSED AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SORRY FOR THE LATE IPDATE I HAVE NO EXCUSES BESIDES I GOT LIKE REALLY DEPRESSED AND STRESSED AND WELL DRESSED AND I FINALLY GOT RID OF A TOXIC FRIEND SO SHE CAN SUCK MY DICK HAHAHAHAHAHASJBAJSAHSHAH I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCHC AND IM SORRY FOR DYING AND NOW I WILL CR Y

next chapter will be up next year 💃

ty for reading ily and you're so strong and amazing and beautiful