I hate it when someone that I've used to be close, compared me to other like wtf? Can't you see? Iba siya tapos iba din ako.
And I'm sorry kung gan'to lang ako. I'm not that good in sports, I'm suck at solving math equations, I'm not that good in english as what she was. I'm not that smart enough compared to her. I don't have that golden voice na meron siya. I don't have that body na magaling sumayaw. I'm not good at everything. I don't have talents and I don't have that beautiful face like her.
Marunong pero hindi magaling
Yes that was I am. Marunong lang pero hindi magaling.
In my entire life I envy my younger sister for having everything. She got praises everywhere for being who and what she was. Lahat ng wala saken nandiyan sa kaniya. And our parents love her so damn much for being good above all.
"Mom I need a pair of shoes for our volleyball game." We are having a dinner as I asked mom to buy me a tennis shoes.
"Volleyball? You know how to play that? You got to be kidding me Blare. And wala pa tayong pera para diyan. There's no left at your father's salary, naubos na sa mga kailangan ni Alexia. " there's a hint of doubt plastered in my mother's eye. Do they trust me? I asked myself.
Yeah Alexia Alexia Alexia lahat para kay Alexia. Okay I understand. Who am I compared to her? Actually I'm just nothing but a trash to this family.
I lost my appetite so I choose to go upstairs and lock myself to my room.
Thinking how useless am I burst me into tears. Bat ba ganito lang ako? Panget.. Bobo.. Walang kwenta...
Tssk how unfair the world was. I also want to get praises by others. I also want to get praises by having a beautiful face. I also want to get praises by having a smart mind-set. But hell, how?
Bat ba naging kapatid ko pa si Alexia? Before she came into this world hindi gan'yan ang turing sakin nina mommy at daddy. I got everything I want back then but when she was born, everything changed.
All the attention nabaling na sa kaniya. I've never been the first priority of the family. Laging si Alexia. It is because she have everything? Is it because she was that good enough? Ediwaw siya na.
----kinabukasan----
"Ate, can you read some stories to me?" she ask smiling.
I didn't give her an answer. I just continue what I am doing.
"Ate plss can you read some stories to me? " she said again smiling while doing that puppy eyed look. Tsskk.
I just stare at her coldy. She's getting me piss.
" Na ate plss, " she said again.
"Ano ba Alexia? Can't you see na may ginagawa ako? You're so annoying" I shouted at her, she's getting to my nerves.
She just smiled and look at me teary eyed tsskkk "sorry a-ate" she said and run upstairs.
Tsssk buti nga sa kaniya she's irritating me. I just shrug my thoughts off and continue what I am doing.
Monday came and it's our PE class. Everyone was wearing their PE uniform and tennis shoes. As I notice, most of my classmates having a new shoes. I just smiled sadly looking at my tennis shoes. I can't help but to hate Alexia more, damn her.
The game starts, I was just sitting at the bleachers with my classmates while watching their breathtaking game. I'm not at the first 6, what do you expect? I just know how to play that game but I'm not that good like them.
Time run so fast and today is already saturday. Alexia was annoying me again.
"Ate sige na samahan mo na ako sa labas," she pleaded. I stare at her emotionless and nod.
Wala naman akong ginagawa sa bahay so sumama ako sa kaniya.
She was happy playing volleyball outside with here friends. Alexia was really good at playing volleyball that time. Tskk see? Lahat alam niya, lahat magaling siya.
As the game continue the ball was drop sa gitna ng daan and Alexia was running to get it nang may isang mabilis na truck ang nakabangga sa kaniya.
Noooooooo.... I was stilled seeing her blood scattered on the road. Noooo it's not happening. Nakatulala lang ako sa kung saan nakahiga ang walang malay na Alexia.
I can't move. Fvcking no. My vision started to blurry as my tears running down to my checks. Ghadd tell me I'm just dreaming. Noooooo.
Nang nakagalaw ako I run as fast as I could until nakadating kung saan si Alexia. Blood scattered everywhere. Parang isang balde ang mga nakakalat na dugo, my heart became heavy. I hug her lifeless body "No lex plss wake up. Sorry baby girl, I'm sorry for hating you but believe me, ate loves you so much so plss wake up. " napahagulgul ako sa sakit. I can't stand seeing her like this, fvck I can't stand seeing my little sister na naliligo sa sariling dugo. "Baby girl wake up pls. It's just a dream right? D'ba lex? Tell ate na dream lang to. Pag gising ni ate you're going to annoy me pa diba? " I can't take this pain.
May nakita akong susi sa ilalim ng shorts niya and kinuha ko yun. If this is a dream I badly want to wake up. I don't like this kind of dream.
Nakadating ako sa bahay nang wala sa sarili. Again napaiyak naman ako pag-alala nang mga ngangyayari. This is all my fault. "Lex pls comeback, you're going to piss me pa dba? You're going to ask if I can read you your favorites story pa diba? " my heart ache knowing how bad am I to her. How heartless am I treating my sister like that.
I was staring at the air crying nang may naalala ako. Ang susi.. Kinuha ko yun at nagmamadaling pumasok sa kwarto ni Alexia. Hindi na ako makahinga sa kakaiyak. My heart beats became fast. As I enter her room, napakalat nito. Yes Alexia wasn't Alexia kung hindi makalat ang kaniyang kwarto. Napapunta ako sa kaniyang cabinet and I try opening it using the key na nakita ko.
And to my surprise its a tennis shoes, the same size sa paa ko. I opened it and I found a letter na nakalagay sa loob nito. Alexia why are you like this? Why are you still good to ate knowing how heartless am I to you? Knowing that I hate you?
Lexx I'm so sorry, can you pls comeback? Kahit hindi mo mapatawad si Ate basta bumalik ka lang. Lexx pllsss.
Nanginginig ang kamay ko nang binuksan ko ang kaniyang letter.
Hi ate smile ka na ha lagi ka kasing nakasimangot pag ako yung kaharap mo. Ate I know how much you hate me, how much you envy me. I'm so sorry ate hindi ko naman gusto to eh. I'm so sorry if ako nalang lagi yung nakikita nina mommy at daddy. If I have just a power to do something I will transfer my abilities to you, para ikaw naman yung makita,for you to be praised by other people also. Ate this is my gift for you I just wanted to say advance Happy birthday. Always remember that I love you okay? No matter how you hated me I'm just here ate. But I'm so sorry for coming into your life. Dahil sakin nawala yung attensyon nina mommy sayo. Ate I'm sorry dahil inagaw ko yung lahat sayo but believe me ate hindi ko 'to gusto. Because you wanna know kung ano yung gusto ko? I want to feel your love ate. I want to be with you everyday. To play with you and you to read me my favorite books. Ate smile ka na ha. You're beautiful ate dahil sayo ako nagmana. I love you ate. Take care always muaahhh...
-Alexia
Lexxx plsss comeback to ate we'll going to do what you want pa plsss my baby. Comeback to ate plss.
