"They say family is the most important thing in this world. The love came from them is more important than wealth and privilege."
"But no, family is not just an important thing, it's our everything. "
"Our family is our haven in a heartless world. The love found in a home is life's greatest blessing, it is one of nature's masterpieces. "
"Many challenges and trials may come but the only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works, is the family. "
The pastor keeps preaching about family, about our parents, about the love they had for their children's.
"Our family was God's greatest gift, so dear children, young people, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right."
As I hear those words, tears starts raining in my checks. I remember how rude and stupid am I that time. Things happened in the past became my greatest nightmare.
I regret being a hardheaded and dis-obeying brat way back then.
I was a Christian before, I'm a girl who loved going to church and worshipping God. My parents raise me so well but things change when I met my circles of friends. Things happened and I lost my path.
After that I used to disobey them, raise my voice and didn't take their advices. I know it's rude of me to do so, given the fact that they raised me and gave me the outermost support I need to get through.
But what happened was a blessing in disguise. In that way I found the right path again and continue serving the Lord.
*Flashback*
My mom knocks at my room, I was busy chatting with my boyfriend. She was calling me but I didn't respond, so she did open the door.
"Rain baba kana we're going to eat, " I just look at her and nod.
After eating I've decided to watch some news. As I opened the TV ang laman ng mga balita was the NCOV pandemic.
The virus that scattered all over the world, the named virus that become a nightmare of some people and the virus na sumira sa mga pangarap ng ibang tao.
But me? I don't care about that shit. Why? We're going to die anyway. So what's wrong being infected? And yeah, I'm not scared with the idea of dying.
"Where are you going?" my mom asked.
"out"
"With whom? "
"Tsskk of course with my friends"
"Can you just stay at home for a month? You know, there's a lot of cases now he--"
I cutted her off " pft blahblahblah" nilampasan ko siya at dumiretso sa labas.
She's always like that. So over acting, lagi niya nalang akong pinagbabawalan for the things that I wanted to do.
Do she know what does it feel? being locked in the house for a couple of weeks or month? T'was so boring.
I wanted to hang out with my friends too, go in the mall for a shopping and do whatever I want outside of that fvcking house.
Our every day routine is that, I, wanted to hang outside, mom and dad keeps stopping me and I, being scolded everytime I got home. But I don't care anyway. I did what all I wanted to, until one day I got ill.
Mom was there who took care of me and sent foods in my room but unexpectedly she got sick too. Dad don't know what to do so he brought us to the nearest hospital.
The finding was mom and I are both positive in NCOV, and that was all my fault. If I just obey and listen on what they've said, it will not happen.
"Mr. Ramirez your daughter was in stable, after a weeks of injections and medications we assure you that she can pass through this. " the doctor said.
"How about my wife doc? " my dad asked trembled. The doctor sighed.
"Your wife has a low resistance but we'll do everything to keep her safe."
"Thanks doc"
My knees got trembled on what I've heard. This is all my fault, kung naging mabuting anak lang sana ako sa kanila, if I just follow what they've said, this will not going to happen.
"Hey Rain baby, come here" my mom smiled at me and that broke my heart. Seeing her in that condition brought me in my deepest regret.
I was slowly walking towards her while my eyes got watered. She's the best mom I've known and I felt sorry for her because of my actions. She brought me to this world, she raised me so well, she fed and watered me but look what I've cause to her. I'm such a worthless child to her.
"I'm sorry mom, I'm sorry" I sob and hugged her.
"Shhhh, don't cry baby. Can you promise me one thing? " she asked and smiled pero hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko ang kaniyang mga luha.
"What is it Mom? " I asked her while my heart start beating so loud and fast. Natatakot ako sa kung ano ang pwedeng sabihin ni mommy.
"You need to take care of yourself okay? Promise me that you don't do the same mistake again. Obey your dad because that was right. I always love you my baby. " I can't even say a word after what she've said. Napahagulgol nalang ako sa iyak knowing that this is the mess i've created. She looked different now, from pinky skin turns into pale one. Her eyes look really tired. Noooo mom no.
She opened her arms wide and she gave me a warm hug. My hearts feels like it's going to explode. I hate this feeling, I don't want to experience this anymore. I cried and cried on my mom's shoulder.
Being in my mom's arm was a haven. It is full of comfort and tenderness, that made you at peace.
That time I was silently praying for a miracle to happen. "I love you my baby, mommy really loves you" t'was a music in my ear that makes me shiver.
"I love you my baby, mommy really loves you," was her last words before closing her eyes. Now she was permanently sleeping. I cause her for her unending sleep. I'm the reason why she left, I'm the reason why she's now gone, I'm the reason of my dad's downfall, I'm the reason of everything happened to my family.
My tears can't stop falling because of me I lost mom. Nanginginig na ako sa kakaiyak but I know to myself na hindi ko na maibabalik ang mga nangyayari. All I can do is to regret and mourn from my mother's death.
I am a survivor of NCOV, but not my mom. All I can say is that God really works with a purpose.
