Troubled Souls // 5SOS

VI ∞ Guilt

• Luke •

The next day, I stand outside the huge house that I'd only been in one or two other times. I don't even know if she'll be home or if she'll even want to see me. It's been two years since I'd seen her last. I knock anyway, frantically, needing someone to hear me.

There's a pause, then I hear footsteps, then the door opens slowly, the chain catching it when it opens as wide as it can. I see a pair of big blue eyes peeking through the crack.

"Luke?" Her voice asks. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" I ask, the words getting stuck in my throat. She seems to consider it for a second, then shuts the door to undo the chain, opening it fully and inviting me inside with an open arm.

I step inside, lingering awkwardly in the entryway. She walks into the empty family room and I follow, sitting down across from her in the chair when she sits on the couch.

"What are you doing here, Luke?" She asks again.

"I just wanted to talk, I guess," I reply.

She brushes a strand of brown hair behind her ear, staring at the ground and avoiding my eyes. "What is there to talk about?" She asks in reply.

I guess she has a point. It's been two years for her. Two solid years to recover and accept and change. To me, it's been two years, but it feels like two days. I haven't improved in the slightest.

"How are you doing?" I ask, unable to come up with anything else to say.

"I'm well," she replies, though I can tell she's just humoring me. "How are you?"

"I'm getting by," I answer.

I won't try to hide the fact that I'm not okay because she can probably see it in my face. She's always been good at reading other people.

"What's wrong, Luke?" She asks. She's stopped avoiding my eyes and now she's staring at me almost too intensely. Now I'm the one avoiding her gaze.

"Why do you assume something's wrong?"

"Because you wouldn't be here if everything was fine."

"Have you moved on, Annabelle?" I finally ask.

She seems to think about it for a moment, running her fingers through her hair.

"It-It's been two years, Luke," she replies, selecting her words carefully. "We can't just live in the past forever. There comes a time when you just have to pick yourself up and keep going."

I put my face in my hands and bite down hard on my lip. Why is it that I sometimes feel too much and then sometimes I feel absolutely nothing? I can't handle this roller coaster anymore, I want to get off.

"Luke?" She asks, her voice soft, trying to get me to look at her again. "Have you moved on?"

My eyes are stinging and my throat is tightening up.

Don't you dare cry, Luke. Don't you fucking dare.

I look back up at her, feeling the tears start to flood out of my eyes and trickle down my cheeks.

"They told me that time would make it better, Annabelle," I reply, my voice cracking all over the place. "It doesn't, it just makes it worse. I want to move on, but I can't get myself to do it."

She gets up quickly and comes over to gather me up in her skinny arms. I'm afraid she might cut herself on all the broken pieces as she tries desperately to hold me together.