Troubled Souls // 5SOS

XVIII ∞ Alone

• Michael •

Another day, another empty chair.

We all walk into therapy within minutes of each other, but Luke never comes through the door.

After the last meeting, when Luke had his panic attack, we were all confused beyond belief. No one knew what to make of it. Well, I knew what to make of everything that he had said directly to me, but everything about Ben, whoever that is, is a mystery to me.

We all want answers, but no one's willing to go ahead and ask the question.

"Alright," Sophie says, sounding exhausted. "Why don't we get started?"

"Aren't we going to wait for Luke?" Beth cuts in.

Sophie clears her throat. "Luke isn't coming back to therapy," she replies slowly.

We all react with confusion, asking questions and making comments all at once. Sophie raises a hand to silence us.

"Why?" Jade asks once everyone else has gone quiet. "What happened last time?"

Sophie shifts some of the papers on her clipboard and pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. "Normally, I would try to keep the kind of information Luke told me last week private. It was very personal. But I think you guys deserve to know and I don't think he'll mind me telling."

"Did he tell you who Ben is?" Ashton asks.

"Yeah, and what happened to him?" Calum chimes in. "Didn't he say that Ben died?"

"Ben is the name of Luke's older brother," Sophie replies. "He was hit by a car and died two years ago and the last therapy session was on his birthday."

From there, Sophie launches into the story of how Luke's brother died. I never even knew about this. So that's what messed Luke up so bad. By the end of the story, Jade and Beth are in tears. Calum and Ashton are on the verge of crying, tears welling up in their eyes, and my throat and eyes are stinging from holding back.

He had to watch his brother die.

"Wait, wait," Jade says suddenly, attempting to talk normally though she's still crying. "What about Michael?"

"What about me?" I ask, drawing everyone's attention.

"Well, Luke said it was his fault that you went mute, didn't he?" She replies. "How is that possible? I thought you said it was an accident."

"It was."

"Michael, is it alright if I tell them what happened?" Sophie asks me.

"Yeah, i-it's fine,"  I reply.

Sophie continues the story, recalling the events of the day I'll never forget. I've never held it against Luke — it was an accident, even if he had been trying to beat me up — but now I know why he did it. He just didn't know how to cope with his own emotions. He was beating himself up on the inside and he needed a way to get it out of his system. Sure, it wasn't the best way to do it and it wasn't fun for me, but if he wanted my forgiveness, I would give it to him.

Then Sophie explains how Luke had self-harmed and attempted suicide because he couldn't handle all the guilt. His depression had only made it all worse. I knew he'd self-harmed, everyone had seen the scars during his attack, but suicide?

I'd never known about that.

"So what are we going to do?" Beth asks when Sophie finishes the story.