𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑴 & 𝑯𝑶𝑷𝑬; 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑯𝑻𝑶𝑵

prologue

warning: talks of self harm and a little suicide.
also, the prologue was posted before the disclaimer so read the disclaimer before this! sorry for the inconvenience :)
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the feeling of the blade piercing your skin; the feeling of the blood running down your arm and how it creates a slight tickle, a slight feeling, letting you know that you're still here, you're still alive.

the escape, the feeling of pure bliss, the feeling of being so high, so...okay. the feeling is ethereal, it's beautiful.

ashton never wants that feeling to stop, but all great things must come to an end. the temporary happiness, the temporary feeling of being okay. the feeling that you might actually be worth something, anything.

no one knew of the pain that ashton was going through, the thoughts that clouded is insecure little head every time he was alone, anytime someone wasn't telling him he's worth something, even if their words were fake and said out of pity for the poor boy.

his best friends, luke, michael and calum had no idea of the struggle that ashton was having with himself and his whole existence. he wanted to tell them, he wanted to tell them so bad, but they didn't deserve the burden that was his life, his issues.

them, his fans and his family were the only thing that was keeping him grounded, the only reason that he's still here and alive on this present day.

he didn't want to be.

he wanted to fly, he wanted to feel the bliss and then never have to feel anything again, he was done. it was becoming harder to keep his crisis to himself, people would start getting suspicious, and then they would give him their false pity and false words of "it'll be okay, you'll get through it" and "we love you, you're so amazing and mean the world to us, it'll be okay ash. we're here for you."

fucking liars. so many people pretend to care, when in reality they couldn't give a shit and just want to seem like a nice person.

ashton had a lot of baggage, possibly too much for him to carry for much longer. he was so over it, so tired. he just wanted to the words to stop, to leave him alone.

even around the people that he loves most, the most amazing people in his life, he feels like he doesn't belong. he doesn't deserve to be in the band, 5 seconds of summer. he doesn't deserve to have millions of people express their love for him and his bands music. he doesn't deserve to have three of the best guys in the world be his best friends.

so, to console himself, he cuts. 'self harm', some people would say. ashton wasn't one who cared much about what it was called, more about how it made him feel.

how it made him feel as though he was on top of the world, how it cemented how worthless and weak he was, by scarring and being left printed on his skin as a dreadful reminder that he doesn't belong here and no one cares.

his internal struggles will forever be left unknown to those who surround him and the thought leaves him feeling nothing but empty and perhaps a little guilty, knowing that they would do anything in their power to help him feel better, to make him feel like he was worth living.

he just wanted people to understand, he needed someone to help him, to help him stay alive and be happy, the way a normal person should deserve to feel. he knew they would help him, yet he downright refused to tell them, knowing that the burden would be too much to put them through, it would be nothing but unfair on them.

so, ashton done what ashton knows best, and what does he know best? to be the nothing he is and keep adding to his ever growing collection of scars to show just how weak he  truly is.
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so that's the prologue! i know this story sounds so messed up already, but it isn't all going to be about this one topic, there will actually be a plot and an actual story lmao.
anyways,, me and my lashton shipping ass will be off, and i hope you's like the story x