𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑴 & 𝑯𝑶𝑷𝑬; 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑯𝑻𝑶𝑵

chapter 12

*warning: drug use*
*unedited*

flashback (ashton's POV) 4 years ago:

sometimes it's hard for a person to remember how others feel; to take that feeling in.

it's hard to know that other people can feel the way you do, to feel the same pain and feel just as useless, just as worthless.

i never would have thought that luke was feeling sad or depressed, because he's one of the most happy people who i've ever met in my entire life.

he's always upbeat, colourful and always dancing and smiling and jumping around, but when the doors are all closed and the judging eyes are no longer, he's broken, a kaleidoscopic of broken colours.

of course, i never knew this until today.

i never knew that my favourite person in the whole world, the reason i'm still alive, was hurting on the inside.

i walked into his room to ask him something, but the second i say him the question flew right out the window.

the room smelt like weed, and there was empty alcohol bottles thrown everywhere.

it was fucking devastating.

my first thought was that he was an alcoholic or maybe even a junkie.

how naive of me.

the boy was clearly in pain, clearly hurting.

weed, cocaine, alcohol, it was all his escape from reality, all on the inside, whereas mine was harming my skin, the outer part of my body.

we're clearly different, but very much the same.

he's only 20, a young man who's just made it in life with his best friends in a band, started having luck with all the girls, and having fun with life.

but he wasn't having fun, he wasn't feeling lucky, he was feeling hurt.

i got all of this just by looking at him curled up and sobbing on the floor beside his bed with a joint in his hand and a bottle of beer sitting next to him.

he was off his head, high and drunk as hell which is the most unhealthy combination you could ever have.

"luke...luke what happened?" i said, walking over to him and taking the joint away.

his eyes were bloodshot, red seeping into every crevice, and his words were slurred as he spoke.

"nothing, i'm happy!" he said while laughing and swaying side to side.

"luke please talk to me, this is insane. why the hell are you smoking!?" i said, eyes wide and heart rate going through the roof.

"i don't-you don't understand. so many things are wrong, so many! i don't even know any more ashton, but there's this person, this guy and i'm practically in love with them and i can't-they don't-it can't happen ash!" he yelled, throwing himself into my arms.

"it hurts so fucking bad ashton, i just want this person to love me," he sobbed, holding me tightly.

i didn't know what to say. it hurt, to know that luke loved a girl who i didn't know, and that he was into someone else, it hurt really bad. but this wasn't about me, it was about luke, and i needed to put me things aside for now.

"luke, i don't know what to tell you, but if that person, whoever she is, she's missing out by not liking you back. you're amazing, and beautiful and the nicest guy i've ever met, and if that person doesn't like you then they're missing out on a goddamn lot," i said, feeling angry at the person for not wanting luke. who wouldn't want luke?

"ash, baby, you don't understand. this person-they're not a gir-they-it's not what you think. it just won't work because they don't like the things i like." he said, looking up at me.

"it just won't go my way, and i know it."

he's crying, fucking sobbing into my arms and it breaks my whole goddamn heart to know that he's even this upset about something so significant and i've never known about it.

"i'm always here for you, luke. i know it hurts, i know it sucks, and i know it's the worst feeling in the world, but one day it'll all be better and you'll find someone so much better who loves you the way you deserve to be loved," i said, running my hands through his hair.

"i don't think i could ever find someone better than this person, ashton," he said softly.

"that's what everyone says luke, and then they go and find someone who's even more amazing then the last, who makes them more happy," i say, holding him close to me.

he sighed, cuddling into me.

"i'll guess i'll just take what i can get."

"what do you mean?"

"the person hugs me a lot, and it means the world to me...i like hugs," he said, resting his head onto my shoulder.

"i can't ever lose you, ashton. you mean everything to me, you're my whole world, and i can't ever lose you. please promise me that you'll never leave my side because i can't live without you ash."

i guess i should've thought more into it, i shouldn't looked more into what he was saying, how he seemed as thought he was trying to tell me something, but i didn't.

i didn't look into it, there's no way that luke would even be remotely interested in me so i let the thought leave me head, never to return again.

i guess that's a point where i went wrong, where things went bad.

so, i made a promise.

i promised that i wouldn't ever leave luke, that i would forever be by his side and never leave.

but i guess we all make promises we can't keep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

hiya hiya biatches, how does life be?
i feel like this book is trash oops-
oh wells

can y'all please vote & comment for me? it makes me feel loved🥺

also please point out my spelling mistakes lmao so i can fix it.

i love y'all, stay safe,
-grace <3