𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑴 & 𝑯𝑶𝑷𝑬; 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑯𝑻𝑶𝑵

chapter 10

*warning: graphic descriptions of self harm and suicide*

luke's POV:

the feeling that a person gets when they finally get what they've been wanting for a really long time is wonderful, it's magical.

i've wanted ashton for the longest time; quietly obsessing over someone who i thought i could never have, yet now i do.

and i'm ecstatic.

i know right now he's still in his room from when he went yesterday, having some time to himself, yet i'm still over the moon.

nothing could make me any more happy than what i am right now, nothing.

except maybe having him in my arms.

cringe hehe. but i can be cringe now because ashton likes me back!

i don't think anything could bring me down from this high.

"luke? LUKE!? get out here now!" michael yells, instantly worrying me.

i run out to find calum sitting on the lounge with his head in his hands-crying it seems-while michael was looking at me with wide, teary eyes.

"luke! it's-he's-i-" michael tries, visibly shaking.

"michael slow down, what's happened?"

michael goes to say something again, before handing me a letter with heaps of writing on it and falling to the ground with sobs wrecking through him.

i don't know what to do, so i start to read the letter, which rips my heart to shreds within 3 seconds.

i read on for a few more seconds, skimming over the whole note, before the tears start to fall and i'm running towards ashtons bedroom door.

i try to open the door, almost breaking the knob because it's locked, and start banging on it, screaming and trying to break it down.

calum and michael are instantly by my side, trying to break the door down, and with the combined strength of the three of us it's quickly out of the way.

i run inside-knowing to instantly go to the bathroom as that's where he hurts himself every time.

as soon as i open the door, the sight that greets me is something i don't think i could ever get out of my head.

on the cold, hard tile, lay ashton, the love of my life, completely still with blood pooled at his arms and all over the floor.

everything after that seeing that seems like a blur, the way i screamed and cried and kicked as i fell to the ground, holding ashton to me while frantically trying to feel for a pulse, the way i punched the ground and yelled louder when i couldn't find one.

one of the boys called an ambulance, while i'm hysterics themselves, and then they tried to calm me down, which resulted in me yelling at them to fuck off.

i didn't know what to do, how to feel.

why would he do this? why would he do this without warning any of us?!

i was expecting him to move, him to jump out of my arms and say it was a joke, i just what we to him to do something. anything, to show that i really hadn't lost him.

that i hadn't lost ashton irwin, my best friend, my lover, bands drummer, my everything.

he's still in my arms, the blood coating every part of my body, making me gag in between sobs.

"luke, the ambulance is here, you gotta let him go man," calum says, laying a shaky hand on my shoulder.

i quickly shook him off, anger radiating off every part of my body.

"luke-"

"FUCK OFF! LET ME GO AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!" i yell, breaking down even more in tears.

"ashy, please baby, wake up! please wake up! i can't lose you, not right now, please ash!" i say, holding him closer to me.

the paramedics get there, ushering us boys away, and fighting with me to get to ashton.

i knew i had to let him go for them to help, so i did, while instantly turning around and hugging michael, who wraps his arms around me tightly.

i was sobbing helplessly into michaels chest as they carried ashton away, as he lay there, unmoving.

what the fuck is going on.

"he-he's-mikey!" i say, leaning into him further and i start to choke on my tears, leaning over the toilet and throwing up.

everyone hurts, every fibre of my being is burning, and it's all cramping up to the point where i feel like i can barely move, barely do anything.

why would i let him do this? how did i not see how he was feeling?!

michael and calum kept their arms around me and i sank to the floor and blacked out.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

michaels POV:

i don't think i've ever to see something so awful, something so graphic and something that screams pain.

i never thought i'd ever see one of my best friends basically dead on his bathroom floor with blood pooled all round, and i never expected to have to deal with the consequences of all of it.

mental health, it's the worst.

it's fucked, sitting here in the hospital with luke  and calum curled up in my arms, as if i'm their source of comfort when i'm hurting just as bad, but i'll always be there for my boys, always.

it breaks my heart even more to hear luke's quiet sobs, as calum sleeps peacefully because he's exhausted.

luke refuses to fall asleep, so i keep him i my arms as he continues to cry endlessly, and i'm worried he's gonna dry himself out soon.

"luke? buddy, i think it'd be good for you to get some sleep. it's late, we've been here for hours," i say, looking down at him.

"i-i can't sleep, m-mike. i'm sorry, b-but i cant," he says, slipping over his words.

he's completely distraught, as we all are, but he's just not letting himself stop crying, to stop thinking about it for at least a second.

it breaks my fucking heart.

so, as i hold my two boys, i hope and pray with everything in me that my third will be okay in the end, for my sake, and for everyone else's.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

this story genuinely hurts me and shocks me when i'm the one writing it and i know what's gonna happen? it's confusing :/

anyways, please vote & comment so that i know you guys care and want me to keep writing :(

also!! i checked my reads and i had 103 and i know it's not loads but i'm so thankful for that many, thank you so much for reading my crappy story-it means the world!

anyways, i love y'all,
stay safe,
-grace <3