Runaway. || Luke Hemmings

Chapter 23

Wasted. We lay closely in a nearby field, and while he stilled behind me, his left arm draped over me my mind rushed with events that had occurred since this venture first took place. The area was quiet, the long, light grass being whisked by the wind creating a hollow whistling sound in my ears. I felt his long, heaved breaths blasting off my skin, warming up my whole body. Although I was in a state of agony and loss, somehow he comforted me. His presence, although bare, made me feel as if everything was okay, and that everything will be okay. And although I felt like I still needed Natalia in my life, I knew I needed to let go of her, sooner or later.

I quietly removed myself from Luke and checked to see if he had woken up from the motion, but he hadn't, so I took the opportunity to just look at him. To look at his perfect-ness; the way his cheekbones outstood with his golden blonde hair, his thin, oh-so-attractive lips set into a hard, straight line and the arm that I had left now draped over himself instead of me. Part of me wanted to wake him, wanted to tell him that I needed him, but I shook my head and resisted temptation. I couldn't. I couldn't just land all of this on him, not when there was so much left to do, so much more important things to think about. So I sucked in a deep breath and tried to clear my head of these knots, turned around and began walking towards a low stream I could hear lapping nearby.

I sat at the edge with my feet in it, the water surprisingly warm. The sun was only now beginning to rise; not the bright, warm sun you see on a summers morning, there was something dull and grey about it. I picked up a pebble and threw it into the water, causing ripples to tear up my reflection. There wasn't a sound to be heard, no wind, no rain, nothing. It was peaceful, to say the least, I needed this. This was exactly what I needed to clear my head of haunting thoughts that were weighing me down. I breathed in deeply and lay back, closing my eyes.

"I don't know if you can hear me, but.." I bit my lip as I began talking to Natalia, or really, began talking to thin air. I don't know if she was ever really there or not. "I want you to know that nothing will ever be the same without you, and that I'm always going to love you and miss you more than anything." By now, a tear slipped through my sealed eyes, and I told myself I had to keep them closed or a whole waterfall was going to flood us. "I know that this was partly my fault, and I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this had to happen, I know that there was no need for it and it shouldn't have happened but I guess fate tempted it. I thought that I was never meant to run away from my family and friends and we thought that we'd be friends forever. But I guess you can't have everything you want, I mean if its meant to happen...its meant to happen."

I opened my eyes, sat up and picked up another pebble, rolling it around between my fingers. "I love you so much and I'll never, ever, forget you. I'll take care of everything, I promise. I will do this for you." My voice shook, and I threw the pebble into the water, looking away so I wouldn't be splashed with the guilt that racked my body, and as soon as I threw it, I felt a huge weight lift from my chest. I knew I had to let go sometime. And it hurt like hell, but I knew that this was the right thing to do. I stayed there for a while more thinking about everything and anything before I decided to go back to Luke.

"Hey," I said quietly, seeing that he was already awake. He picked at a strand of grass and watched me silently. "I was just saying my last goodbyes to Natalia."

He didn't answer, so I just sat beside him and crossed my legs, looking down at the faraway stream I planted her soul in. The breeze weaved in and out through our hair, bringing strands across my face and sticking to my dried up lips. I tore it from them.

"I really need you." He said to me. I looked at him, not sure of how to answer. I felt like my heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice, silky smooth. I whispered, "what?"

"Nothing."

I looked down, because he didn't look at me when he said it so I felt like I shouldn't look at him. I don't know if he was nervous or what, but he didn't say it again.

So I did.