Second Chance

Second Chance Part 22

"Why did you do that?" I scream at Brady. He lays down flat, staring at the ceiling. "I've been wanting to do it for a while now." He says coolly. I cannot believe he just kissed me. He broke my heart, he had a full on other relationship while we were dating. He knows I'm happy and just because he's having a rough go at it he thinks he has the right to kiss me. "I don't care what you've been wanting to do. I have a boyfriend, Max. You know this." He laughs as I talk. "Yeah Mr. Pretty Boy. We both know he won't last. You can't deny you still have feelings for me." My head is spinning. "There will always be a part of me that loves you. You were my first love. Nothing you do to me can change it. I don't want to be with you. I respect myself way too much." He covers his face with his hands. "I love you Kennedy. I know I messed things up with you. I'm a wrecking ball. I seem to ruin everything I touch." I don't know how to talk to him. I don't know why I didn't pull away when he grabbed my face. I guess I was just so taken aback by it. It is the only reason. I didn't want him to kiss me, right? "Brady, I think we should get you home. Is there someone I can call?" I ask disregarding his proclamation of love. "I'm not going anywhere." He says. I feel like it's my duty to do something. "Brady, I need you to listen to me. I know how you are feeling right now. It feels like your life is over. Like no one would care if you died or disappeared. It feels like no matter how hard you try to swim back up to the top you're drowning. Your mind is telling you all of these things, but it isn't true. You are surrounded by people who care about you. Are they upset with you right now? Yes they are, but it is up to you to change and show them you can be a better person. You need to give them time to heal like you need to give yourself time to forgive yourself." Brady maintains eye contact. I've never talked to someone so openly about how I felt. Of course I discussed it at rehab, but it was with counselors who were under oath. I told Max about rehab, but I didn't fill him in on the gory details of what I was going through. There was no point. "I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel." He whispers. I can't leave Brady like this. "Brady. I was in just as dark of a place last spring. I haven't told many people this, in fact I've only told Max, but I went to rehab. I was at rehab all summer dealing with my stuff. We dated for a while so obviously I know you know I have issues with anxiety. Well everything just kind of boiled over and I realized I had to make a change from within. Rehab was hands down the best thing to happen to me. I got to meet people who knew how I felt, and I was able to work on myself with no distractions. I could call your mom and talk to her about it. I'm sure they could find a spot for you." I say grabbing his hand. Brady looks shocked. "Kennedy, I had no idea things were so bad for you. I was struggling a lot back then too. I think it's why I started cheating on you. I just felt like I was going through the motions in life and wanted to feel something again. It's why I started drinking a lot too. I noticed some things were going on with you, but I was too selfish to talk to you about them. I remember when you had a panic attack at one party. I should've taken you home and taken care of you, but instead I was so worried about myself I brushed it off. I've made so many mistakes. I wish more than anything I could go back in time and handle things differently. Especially now that I know you were struggling too." A lump forms in my throat. I'm trying so hard not to cry. I want to be able to be strong for Brady. I just got an apology I never expected. I can feel the pain behind his words. There is no question in my mind he is being genuine. "Then I went and talked to Max, I'm such a piece of shit." He says starting to cry again. I get off the bed and start pacing around the room. I don't know what to do. I don't want to make a scene at the party, but I also can't leave him here like this. "Brady you've got to stop being so hard on yourself." I say walking back over to the bed. I get out my phone. Max still hasn't replied to me. "I'm going to make a quick call." I say stepping into the on suite bathroom. I know Brady is going to be mad at me for this, but this is bigger than both of us, and I'm not a counselor. "Kennedy?" Brady's Mom Jess asks. "Hey, I'm really sorry to bother you, I just wasn't sure what else to do. I'm at a party in Rockwell and Brady is here and well he's not doing so well. He's high and talking about how he's ruined his life, and basically he is saying he doesn't have anything left to live for." I spew the words out as fast as I can. My heart is racing. "Oh, well I knew he was having a rough week after being suspended and all. Can you send me your location and I will come up and get him?" She asks. I'm surprised with how calm she is. My mom handled things completely different. "Oh sure, of course." I say back. "Thanks sweetheart." Jess says and hangs up. I gasp. What the heck. She doesn't even seem concerned about him. I walk back into the bedroom and Brady is still crying. I've got to find Max. I can't stay in here with Brady all night. How will that look. I call Max. "Where are you? I've been walking around looking for you." He shouts into the phone over the music. "I'm in a bedroom. I don't know how to describe it, it has um a big picture of a palm tree. Can you come find me." I say. There is a pause on the line. "Yeah for sure, stay put." He says and then hangs up. I hope Max understands.