Second Chance

Second Chance Part 13

Things are pretty awkward between Max and I on the way home. I know we agreed to remove the last part of the evening from the record, but it's impossible. I'm not mad at Max, its completely understandable. Brady has a way of getting exactly what he wants. I guess some sick and twisted part of him can't stand to see me happy even though he is the one who single-handedly destroyed everything. "I'm really sorry again." Max says as he pulls into my driveway. "Don't worry about it" I lean over and give him a kiss. I get out of his jeep before he has time to say anything else. I can't deal with anything else happening tonight, the sooner I get through my front door the better. As I walk up the front steps I can see the living room light on. I guess my mom was worried about me. She never used to wait up on me. I wipe my eyes again before opening the front door. I hope she can't tell I've been crying. "What happened?" Mom asks getting up from the couch running over to me. Great I guess it must be pretty obvious I've been crying. "I really don't want to talk about it right now. I'm mentally fine, just exhausted. I want to go take a bath and go to bed, can we do this tomorrow?" I ask. I walk past her heading towards my room. "Ken, it's obvious you've been crying. What happened?" Mom persists. My heart rate picks up just thinking about everything that happened tonight. "Brady and Brielle were at the party, they tried to cause some drama." I don't turn around to see her reaction. "I really don't want to talk about it." I walk into my room and lock my bedroom door. I know she won't follow me in even though she wants to. I will talk to her about it, I'm trying to be better at icing her out, but I really can't relive it again tonight. It's all so crazy it almost feels like it happened to someone else and I was just watching it unfold. I go into my bathroom and start running a bath. I need to relax and unwind. No matter the issue how big or small a bath has a way of calming my nerves, at least a little. I strip off my clothes and throw them in the laundry basket, I should go put them in the wash right now so my entire laundry basket doesn't smell like a beer soaked cigarette, but I don't have the energy. I grab my lavender bath salts as I soak down into the tub. I dump about half of my container in with me. If there has even been a time I needed to relax it's right now. I close my eyes and sink down in the hot lavender water. I hold my breath for as long as I can before popping back up. I can't get Brielle out of my mind. I know she didn't have any loyalty to me, but I can't imagine treating another girl like she did. She knows how deep those words would cut and she still used them. I don't know if she really tried to kill herself or not, tonight is the first I've ever heard of it. If she did she really needs to get the right help. I'd like to think her lashing out is due to a deeper rooted problem. Maybe Brady is the one who has a type... Broken. Brady was by no means a great boyfriend, but if I'm being completely honest and transparent I wasn't the greatest girlfriend either. When we got together my anxiety and depression were just starting to take over my life. I was really flakey with him. I can't even tell you how many dates or plans I broke at the last minute because the thought of doing whatever it was made me physically sick. For the first part of our relationship I was really good at making excuses. I used my mom a lot, my friends, school, really anything I could use to get out of doing something. It was wrong of me to lie to him, I should've just been honest about things I didn't want to do and why. He never mentioned me flaking or my lame excuses until we were at a party one night. He had come over to watch movies, a rare occasion and had gotten a text invite for some big party a couple of towns over. As soon as I saw the message I started feeling dizzy. The idea of it was a nightmare. A big party full of drunk people I don't know. I'm not exactly shy, but when I'm in large crowds I tend to shut down. Since Brady was at my house and we had already made plans to spend the entire evening together I couldn't make an excuse. I tried to guilt him into not going, but he managed to maneuver every opposition I had. He even mentioned how many dates I had broken before, I owed him. When we got to the party I knew I was going to have a panic attack. I ended up dipping into a bedroom. I collapsed onto the floor in a pit of sobs. I pretty much blacked out. All I can remember is crying and shaking. I was so anxious and overwhelmed. Brady came in there while I was having my panic attack. It completely freaked him out. He ran over to me and held me asking if he needed to call 911. I've never seen myself have a panic attack obviously, but they are apparently pretty scary. I can remember nodding my head no incessantly. The last thing I wanted was more attention on me. He was able to calm me down. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. Up until then I was just any other girl. Once I calmed down he asked me if I needed to see a doctor and I told him no. I didn't go into any further explanation because honestly I didn't know what to say. He never asked me anything about it and left me on the floor to go play beer pong with his friends. I sat on the floor of the bedroom for I know a good hour before going out into the party and faking it with the best of them. I had a couple of melt downs after the party in front of Brady, nothing to that extent however. He would comfort me through them. I thought he was being a really supportive and understanding boyfriend. Thinking back now though, he should've questioned me about these things. I know I wouldn't have wanted to talk about them, but I needed to and he was the person the closest to me. He also should've stopped putting me in those situations. He knew parties were really bad for my nerves and yet we continued going to every party imaginable. He also knew movie theaters really bothered me, and yet every group hang out he coordinated involved going to see a movie. I know it wasn't his responsibility to fix me, but he could've done something. Anything. I can't put all the blame on him. He wasn't forcing me to stay in the relationship. I should have broken up with him far before he cheated on me. We were too different from the start and we both knew it. Besides his dream was to go to college in California so we would've never made it past his graduation day anyway. I think I was just so afraid of losing who I thought was the closest person to me. It wasn't until after the breakup I realized we really weren't very close in the first place. When I think back on our relationship and the conversations we had they were all pretty shallow. They typically involved school, sports, or parties. I couldn't see it at the time, but the best thing to happen to me was Brielle and Brady.

    "Are you ready to talk?" My mom asks. She is pouring herself a cup of tea as I make my way into the kitchen. "Pour me one too?" I ask. I set down at the bar ignoring her question. She hands me a mug and sets down beside me. "I respected your wishes last night, we need to talk about it." She says. She takes a big swig of her tea. "I know, and I want to talk to you about it, I just really couldn't relive it again last night, it was way too fresh. Basically Brielle spilt her beer on me and called me a dumb bitch. To make things worse Brady was with her and just laughed looking completely through me. As if that alone isn't bad enough Brielle confronted me on my way out of the party just being a total ass about her and Brady's relationship. I was able to keep myself decently calm which I could tell got under her skin. Then when Max got to the jeep he was acting super weird. I was worried things with Brielle and Brady had been too much for him, but turns out Brady cornered him telling him to watch out for me because I'm a rabid partier and I bullied Brielle to the point she tried to kill herself." I spit it out so fast I can tell my mom is struggling to keep up. "Ken, honey." She says grabbing my hand. "I know.It was awful, luckily I was able to explain myself to Max. He didn't believe him, but I could still tell the whole situation bothered him. I really don't understand either of their issues with me. I never did anything to make them hate me the way they obviously do. If I could live in a world where I never have to see them again that would be incredible." My mom nods her head. I can tell she is trying to decide what to say. "I can't believe after everything they put you through they would have the audacity to try and start things with you. That pisses me off." She says. I can't help but to giggle. She cracks a smile. "What?" She asks pushing my shoulder. "It's just funny seeing you get all riled up." She smiles. "Well nobody messes with my baby."

    Max and I text all day Sunday and things seemed to have gone back to normal, but its a lot easier to act normal in text than it is in person. I was really worried things were going to be awkward or weird at school, but luckily we have just picked up where we left off. After Friday's game Max's notoriety has went through the roof. I'd say half of the school stopped to talk to us in the hallway today. I've never been someone who cared a lot about status, but I have to admit it felt pretty good walking down the hallways hand in hand with the it boy. In the same breath though, I wish Max and I could go to a stranded island like Olivia and Jake did on Scandal. I wish we could be in our own bubble forever. Alas though, it's not realistic. I was worried Allie would try and start something again especially since her bestie Brielle's master plan fell flat. To my excitement I never heard anything out of her, and no one has even mentioned Brielle or Brady to me all day so they must've tried to keep the events of Saturday night under wraps as well. I'm being the bigger person by not talking about everything that went down. I could destroy both of them in a single day. In fact my friends really wanted me to. All day they kept trying to find ways to insert it in conversations with different people. I'm just not interested in their demise. If they are truly so miserable in their own lives that they have to go try and ruin someone else's I feel sorry for them. I'm going to just worry about me, myself, and I.