Blink Of An Eye

Chapter 6

I stared at my reflection in the hotel bathroom mirror taking in my appearance. The bloodshot eyes, puffy bags and red splotches on my face a stark reminder, as if I needed any reminding of yesterday. The events playing through my mind sent a fresh batch of tears flowing down my face. I honestly didn't think I had any tears left.

Ryan's face had lit up when I walked into the room with Makenna. She squealed with delight seeing her daddy. Ryan was in awe over her. Full of questions and excited to hear everything about her. He didn't get a flash of recognition like I had hoped he would from seeing her, but I was thrilled by his excitement.

The visit had gone so well. He was a natural with Makenna. After a while though, she began to get cranky. It was her nap time, so my mom offered to bring her back to the hotel with a promise to return later. Ryan was disappointed to see her go, but was looking forward to seeing her later. Dave and Lisa left to grab something to eat, and it was just Ryan and me.

Then, I'm not really sure what happened.

Ryan looked tired. This had been quite a day for him. I told him I was going to go back to the hotel myself so that he could rest. He closed his eyes for a few moments, and I thought he had fallen asleep, but then he opened his eyes. He looked at me with a blank expression on his face, I could see a flash of pain with underlying fear in his eyes.

"Why are you here Livvy? Why am I even here?" He sounded very disoriented, and it scared me.

"You were in a bad accident Ry." I gently reminded him.

"Why are you here?" He raised his voice and winced. "I want to go home. I don't want to be here. When can I go home?" He was practically shouting now, his eyes flashing wildly.

"Ry..." I began.

"When can I go home? When can I get back in the car?" He demanded. His last sentence struck a nerve with me.

"Get back in the car? Are you serious Ryan? You almost died. I nearly lost you." I said, holding back tears.

"Who the hell are you to tell me how to live my life?" He asked angrily.

"I am your wife." I answered as calmly as I could.

"I don't even know you. Not this you anyway. Show me the accident. I want to see it." He demanded.

"I don't think that's a good idea Ryan." I said.

"Then get the hell out of here. I don't want you here. Go. Leave now." He yelled, then he suddenly grabbed his head with both hands and cried out in pain.

Panicking, I ran from the room to the nurses station, frantically telling them I needed a doctor immediately.

The doctor ran to the room, and once again, I was left outside waiting. I could hear the yelling, thrashing, sobs of "just let me go home." Then it got quiet. I heard a soothing voice, although I could not make out what was being said. I slid down the wall onto the waiting room floor sobbing. What the hell just happened?

This was all my fault. I should have known this was too much too soon. I was so eager for him to remember something, anything, that I overwhelmed him with too much information. He had asked, I didn't say no because one, I can never refuse him anything, and two, I didn't want to risk upsetting him.

Dave and Lisa returned as I was still sobbing, still waiting for the doctor, and I had to try to explain to them what had happened, although I wasn't sure myself. I just knew that he was in pain and that killed me.

Finally, the doctor came out of the room. "Ryan is sedated and should sleep the rest of the night." He said.

"What just happened? He was more confused than before and obviously in a lot of pain." I was confused myself, and more than a little concerned.

"Unfortunately, it's not uncommon with Ryan's type of head injury. Believe it or not, the pain is actually a sign that the brain is healing. We will run some tests in the morning to be sure. The most important thing was to get him calm. I think the three of you should all go and get some rest, and we will know more in the morning.

*******

I spoke to the doctor as soon as I arrived at the hospital that morning. He explained to me that the scans looked great, and that everything was healing. I was relieved to but was terrified that another outburst would occur when he saw me.

"I understand your concerns Mrs. Blaney, that's why we want to keep Ryan here for another few days of observation. He was in good spirits this morning and was asking to see you." The doctor smiled at me, and that really lifted my spirits. "We do have him on some mild narcotics and something to keep him calm, but you can go in to see him."

I stood nervously outside of the door. I was anxious to see him, but I didn't know what to expect. I took comfort that he had asked for me, but the last thing I wanted was another outburst. I don't know if my heart can take it.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly opened the door and walked in.

He smiled at me from the bed. "Hi Livvy." He said. He actually sounded cheerful.

I smiled back. "Hi. How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I feel great. I was hoping you would bring Makenna by. I'd love to see her again."

He didn't seem as if he remembered his outburst or anything that had happened after my parents had left with Makenna yesterday, and I realized that was probably a good thing. Focus on the positive.

"She was asleep when I left. I'll have my mom bring her by later."

Of course I was thrilled that Ryan wanted to see his daughter, but I couldn't help but feel that was the only reason he wanted to see me.