Blink Of An Eye

Chapter 15

I was up early, very early the next morning. Who the hell am I kidding? I barely got any sleep at all. Between crying, bad dreams about the accident and the way Ryan left and the things he said kept playing through my mind. I heard Ryan when he came home last night. I heard him when he opened the guest room door. I pretended to be asleep because I couldn't handle whatever else he had to say to me. I was angry, but more than that, I was deeply hurt by his words. I had actually considered leaving. He made his feelings, or lack of feelings for me clear, but I couldn't make myself do it. Even if he didn't love me, he still needed me, whether he admitted it or not, and I had to be here for him. At least until he told me to leave. Until then, I had decided to move myself into the guest room to give each of us some space from the other.

"Good morning." A soft voice behind me startled me.

"Good morning." I replied back, automatically. I didn't turn around. I couldn't look at him. I didn't have the guts to face him. I knew if I looked into those beautiful blue eyes, I would lose it again. I had to be strong.

"You're up early this morning." He said.

"Makenna has a doctors appointment. I know you have one too. I'm guessing you are okay to drive yourself." I said, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"Is she okay?" He asked, sounding concerned, not seeming to notice my tone.

"She's fine. It's just for her six month checkup. She's seeing Carly today. " I replied.

"Six months already." He said with a small sigh. "Livvy, we need to talk about yesterday."

I felt a wave of panic. I knew this was coming. I was not emotionally ready for it. He probably wanted me gone. "Can it wait until later Ryan? I have to get Makenna cleaned up and dressed, and get going." This was a lie. I still had at least another hour, hour and a half before I needed to leave. I just wanted to put this off for as long as possible.

"Sure. It can wait." He replied, he seemed a bit hesitant, which naturally made me fear the worst. He then turned to Makenna, who was sitting in her high chair, having just finished her breakfast. "Good morning princess. You be a good girl for mama, and I'll see you later okay." He kissed the top of her head and she laughed. My heart was breaking, but I was so grateful that our daughter was too young to understand what was going on in her parents life.

******

"Hi. Makenna Blaney here to see Carly." I said to the receptionist, as we checked in at the front desk of the pediatrician's clinic. Three pairs of eyes turned to look at me, and I wished the floor would open up and swallow me whole. Everyone at the front desk had a look of sympathy, or maybe it was pity on their faces. I guess they knew who I was. Even the non NASCAR fans probably recognized the name Blaney since Ryan's accident had gotten so much attention.It didn't help matters that I looked like shit. Lack of sleep and crying all night had taken enough of a toll that makeup couldn't even hide.

"Mrs. Blaney, you and Makenna can come on to the back. Carly will be with you shortly." She said with a kind smile as she led us to an exam room. I was a bit surprised that I had completely bypassed the waiting room, especially considering we were a half hour early for our appointment, but I wasn't complaining. I may have gotten even more stares sitting in the waiting room.

It wasn't long before Carly entered the room. I couldn't help but notice how gorgeous my friend looked. Skin glowing, eyes bright and sparkling, blonde hair perfectly in place.

She took one look at me, frowned, and engulfed me in a hug. I lost it on the spot.

"Oh Liv, what is going on?" She said, taking a seat in one of the chairs next to me.