Blink Of An Eye

Chapter 4

I threw myself into my dad's waiting arms as I was rushed out of the hospital room, sobbing. Dave and Lisa were surrounding me, wanting to know what was going on.

"He's...he's awake. He knew me, yet didn't seem to know me. He said it's been so long since he's seen me. He was asking for Lauren, and then he began to get upset and set off his heart rate monitor. I don't know why he was asking for Lauren." I sobbed.

Lisa wrapped her arms tightly around me. "I'm sure he's just confused honey. He has a severe head injury and he's just coming out of a coma."

I knew she was trying to reassure me, but all I could think about was the way he snatched his hand from mine, and he didn't look at me, but rather through me.

A few minutes later, the doctor stepped out of the room. "Mrs. Blaney?" He asked, and Lisa and I both looked up. His gaze landed on me. "Could you come with me please?"

Whatever the doctor had to say, I did not want to hear it by myself. "We are all family. Can't you speak to all of us?" I asked.

The doctor nodded. "We gave Ryan something to calm him. Not enough to sedate him, but just to get him relaxed. He was quite agitated and rather confused, which caused his heart rate to go up. None of which is uncommon after coming from a coma. However, he seems to be showing some signs of memory impairment. It could possibly be that he's just confused. He's calmer now, so we need to run some more tests. Now that he is awake we are going to take him for an MRI so hopefully we will know more."

We all took a seat in the waiting room. Of course we were all elated that he was awake, but I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I completely understood that he was confused, but in just those few moments, something was definitely off. The fact that he was asking for Lauren of all people, the same Lauren that made our lives hell had me increasingly worried.

"I just called your mom and gave her the news. She's on her way over with Makenna." My dad explained, as he took a seat next to me.

We all sat around waiting for the doctor to come back. My mom came in with Makenna, and I was grateful. My sweet, happy baby girl gave me the distraction I so desperately needed.

Finally, the doctor appeared, and we all gathered in the conference room together. I was getting all too familiar with this room, but I didn't particularly like the look on the doctors face.

"We've gone over the MRI, and after talking some more with Ryan, it appears that the part of Ryan's brain that is responsible for his memory has been affected. He does not remember the accident, which is not surprising, and probably a good thing, but he seems to have lost memory of the last three or so years of his life." The doctor explained.

My heart sank even further. No wonder he was asking for Lauren, and why seeing me set him off so bad. He knew me, but he didn't know us. "Is it permanent? The memory loss?" I asked, before anyone else could speak.

"We can't be sure of that. It's too early to tell. He's rather anxious, wanting answers. You can fill in some bits and pieces here and there, but it's best to take it slow, not overload him with too much information at once." The doctor explained.

How the hell were we supposed to explain three years and not overwhelm him?

"When can I see him?" I asked.

"He's actually asking for his parents right now. It's probably for the best that they see him first and fill in some of those gaps." The doctor replied, almost apologetically.

I couldn't even begin to describe how much the words stung. Of course he didn't ask to see me. He had no clue I was even his wife. To him, I was just his high school buddy who he had not seen in years.

The doctor continued. "On a more positive note, we will be moving him out of ICU and into a private room."

We were all moved to another waiting room, and my mom and dad sat with me and Makenna while we waited for Dave and Lisa to come back. Makenna was beginning to get fussy. I gave her a bottle and hoped I would get to see Ryan soon. Maybe when he saw Makenna, it might jog his memory.

Makenna was just about to fall asleep when Dave and Lisa joined us in the waiting room.

"Olivia, why don't you take Makenna back to the hotel with your mom and dad and get some rest. You can come back in the morning." Lisa suggested.

I couldn't help but notice she wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Can I see him? Please." I begged.

Lisa sat down next to me and took my hand. "Honey, it's really best you come back tomorrow. He's feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and just needs a little time to process things. He's really confused and they had to give him something else to calm him down." She gently explained.

"He really doesn't remember our life together?" I asked tearfully.

She shook her head. "I'm so sorry Olivia. We talked to him, tried to fill in some gaps, but he became very agitated again, and the doctor had to give him something. He finally calmed down, but said he didn't want to see anyone else tonight, and asked us to leave. He's just really confused honey. Maybe tomorrow will be better." I could see the tears in her eyes and I knew this was the last thing she wanted to have to tell me.

I nodded my understanding, although I didn't really understand anything that was happening. All I knew was that Ryan was finally awake, but I was not allowed to see him. He didn't want to see me. Didn't really want anything to do with me at this moment, and that hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before.

I went back to the hotel with my mom and dad. None of us spoke, there was really nothing any of us could say. All I could do was hope tomorrow would be better.

I got Makenna bathed, fed and settled down for the night, then I got in the shower myself. The hot water felt good, and I immersed myself in it, wishing the hot water could wash away my fears.

I climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin, remembering when I was a little girl, and something scared me, I could just crawl under the blankets and hide. That would not work this time. I was terrified. Terrified that Ryan would never remember our life together, and that he would be lost to me forever. I was exhausted from days spent at his hospital bedside, but all I could do was toss and turn until I finally cried myself to sleep.