the last thing i wanna do (lil peep fanfic)

eleven

lillianjames: gus sent this to me the other day, aaah an absolute cutie
[comments]
lilpeep: damn didn't know u ss that, but it's oki bby 😘
realhorsehead: ugly. 0/5 stars. would not fuck 🤮🤮 no homo
fish_narc: ^ chris is speaking facts. the angle sucks
tracyminajj: y'all r trippin he's SEXY, will fight all of gbc
lilpeep: realhorsehead i wouldn't fuck u either, ur -3/5 stars bro

i smiled reading their comments. my screen went black and then i had an incoming facetime from ben. i accepted it. "hey, fish."
"hey! so we're having a sleepover at gus's place. you in?" he was sitting on his couch smiling.
"yeah. who's going?"
"gus, obviously. me, wicca, tracy, horse. you."
"okay, i'm down."
"nice! okay, see you soon!" he ended the facetime.
i laughed and grabbed a bag. i threw in some pajamas, some clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush, and makeup remover. after i was satisfied with my outfit and makeup, i went over to gus's and walked in. "gustav!"
"y'all invited her? this was supposed to be a boys night." someone groaned.
"she's one of the boys." tracy smiled. "chris, that's lillian. lillian, this is horse head."
i laughed. "calling yourself one of the boys with that hair? okay, man."
"low blow." he chuckled.
"i also saw how you said you wouldn't fuck my boyfriend, and i find that offensive. he's hot."
"yeah, she's right. he's hot." tracy high fived me.
"okay, who agrees gus is ugly then?" chris asked.
adam slowly raised his hand, and so did ben. "oh, come on!" i yelled.
"i don't care if they think i'm ugly, i'm not dating them." gus walked in and slung his arms around my shoulders.
"wait, if she's one of the boys, does that mean you're gay?" adam laughed.
"oh hell yeah, i'm fuckin bi man. i'd fuck makonnen."
"don't fuck makonnen." i sighed.
"i'll fuck you."
"gus."
"joking! right now. later."
"not later, bro, we're all in this place." tracy groaned.
"someone's bed will be squeaking tonight." chris muttered. ben muffled his laugh.
"i'll kick you all out." gus threatened.
"ooh, interesting. would you kick me out if i fucked tracy?" adam asked.
"hold up-" tracy started.
"no, i wouldn't. record it though. get that money." gus smiled.
"that's illegal." ben said mildly.
"so is my whole lifestyle. sit." he said to me.
i sat next to him. "he's not wrong."
"peep, shut up. if you don't i'm gonna fuck your girlfriend." ben joked.
"oh shit." adam said.
"mine." gus put his hand on my thigh. "all mine. no one else's."
"mhm. yours." i mumbled into his neck, shy now.
"awe, how cute." tracy grinned.
"let's order food." chris suggested. "pizza?"
"hell yeah."
"cmon guys, let's go grab it." ben said.
"no! hell's wrong with you? getting it delivered." adam looked at ben.
"okay, i'll order." tracy laughed and left the room.
"don't get mushrooms!" chris yelled, looking at ben.
"uh, get some with extra mushrooms?" ben called back. "i love them."
"we know." gus said. "man, you post about them on instagram all the time. that and frogs."
"i like mushrooms and frogs." ben defended himself.
"do you like shrooms?" i asked.
"no, they give me stomach issues."
"dear god, you sound old." tracy yelled back. "anyways, they don't have delivery, so who wants to come with me?"
"i'll go!" i offered. "i need a break from ben and his stomach issues."
"come on! that's rude."
"it's kinda funny." gus snickered.
"truth." adam smiled.
"okay, bye y'all, have fun. ben, i'll make sure to get you some mushrooms."
"thanks!" he smiled at me as me and tracy left the house to pick up the pizza.

***
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***

"hey, hey, hey, it's okay, baby."
i woke up to those words and a feeling of fear. "i-"
"nightmare. you had a nightmare, baby, but it's okay." gus said, half-asleep.
"when did i..." i looked around in confusion before realizing this was gus's room.
"fell asleep on the couch, i carried you up."
"okay." i tried to slow my heart rate.
he was propped up on one arm, shirtless, looking at me. "what was it about?"
"just... reliving the... you know. it happens a lot."
"the nightmares?"
"yeah."
"why don't you call me?"
"don't wanna bother you."
"baby, you never bother me."
i opened my mouth to speak, then closed it. i laid back down, facing away from him. i woke him up. i didn't mean to.
"baby."
"mhm?"
"come cuddle?"
i laid my head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. "i'm sorry." i whispered.
"for what?"
"waking you up."
"i was already awake, i couldn't fall asleep."
"why?"
"just thinking."
"about what?"
"about how the most gorgeous girl in the world was laying next to me."
i chuckled softly. "you have bad taste then."
"it's the truth! also i came up with a new song idea. i'll run it by mystic."
"okay, peep. have fun." i nuzzled my head into his chest.
he started combing my hair with his fingers. "go back to sleep, baby."
"okay." i replied, listening to his heartbeat. a few minutes later, he was asleep. i was listening to his breathing, feeling how his chest would rise and fall with every breath. my peep.

***
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***

"psst. lillian. wake up."
i yawned. "shut up, i'm trying to sleep."
"i don't care, come on." he shook me.
"what's so important?"
"breakfast."
"gus, go get breakfast yourself."
"no, we're going out to eat, dumbass. get dressed."
"i'm tired, you guys go out, have some guy time without me."
his face fell. "but it won't be the same."
"but you need time with your friends, and i need sleep."
"fine. go back to sleep." he kissed my forehead. "night baby."
"night gus." i buried my head in the pillow. "have fun."
"of course, i always do."