𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 • jennie kim

08 | someone

everything became a blur. jennie couldn't remember the concert. days merged together and time was foreign. pills were a necessity for her.

when jennie woke up, she didn't feel refreshed.

she stared at the white wall blankly for a few minutes, not wanting to tune in into reality. she didn't bother checking the time. her phone. her schedule.

she wanted to be left alone.

but of course, she would never be. everyone knows her - what she's doing - her height - her weight - her hobbies. well actually, everyone knew about her, but they didn't know her.

they thought they knew her. they thought she was being arrogant and lazy. they thought she's a bitch, a prostitute, a brat, but really, what do they know?

she makes a mistake, she forgets a line, she screws up once in a while - everything a human does - but she knew they would never let her forget her mistakes.

life just sucked honestly. there was just nothing to look forward to. even if people happened to somehow turn a whole 180° and stopped hating on her, what was the point? it was all fake. they didn't really know her anyway.

she was pulling down the group, the entertainment, everything. the girl herself could not understand why she was still here.

was it hope?

couldn't be. the little dying flame that stayed, flickering weakly for months against the looming darkness had surely been extinguished.

much rather, jennie felt, it was fear. fear of death. she didn't want to live, but she was too scared to die.

jennie sighed, forcing herself to check the time.

11.32 a.m.

she had overslept.

it didn't really matter though, as she didn't have anything planned for the morning. the girls wanted to explore the city, but she had definitely woken up too late. she saw their texts saying they'd left and would be back by noon so that they can head to the concert venue together. she read all their messages quickly and replied a small message, stating she felt sick and was sorry.

she put the phone back onto the bedside table, and went back to staring at the wall.

she thought of all the hate comments she got, all the bullshit she had been through, the hurt she experienced. she thought of the future, the past, the present.

but she only thought, she never felt.

she was numb - only the memory of her anxiety attack playing in her mind. she remembered the reactions, the girls, the entire scene vividly.

anger and desperation bubbled in her chest as the scene replayed over and over. anger, because it happened. desperation, because she couldn't do anything about it. she had never felt so helpless.

her lower lip trembled and she clutched the hem of her shirt tightly with her fists. adamantly staring at the ceiling until the needles pricking the back of her eyes hotly stopped.

she didn't get up, she didn't move, she didn't eat.

she didn't want to.

she didn't want to exert energy at all.

she just wanted to do nothing.

there was no point in doing anything, anyway.

---