𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 • jennie kim

11 | living

jennie woke up to a lot of notifications. she immediately knew something was odd.

in a haze, she unlocked her phone, the light of her phone blinding her eyes for a second. then she saw all the messages from her friends, most of them telling her to not go online.

that they were in the ceo's office and would be back soon.

don't check the internet.

she gave a bitter smile. clearly they didn't know her well enough if they thought that would work. 

she opened google, and the first thing she saw in her suggestions was a hate article on her 

what a beautiful way to start her morning, indeed.

she knew she shouldn't, for her own sake, but she clicked on the article.

JENNIE KIM OF FAMOUS GIRL GROUP BLACKPINK LAZY ON STAGE

Netizens have been criticising the famous girl group member, Jennie Kim, for her supposed lack of power on stage. Many fans noticed her slow movements during their previous moments.

Some claimed it is because of her arrogance as she is her company's favourite. Others claimed she was being selfish and wanted to go solo.

One fan even made a comparison video of Jennie's previous performances vs her 'lazy' performance.

https://jenniebeinglazyfor20minutesstraight/youtube.com

Comments stated,

"It might be understandable if it was during rehearsal but she's so careless when fans are watching right in front of her. What is she thinking? Isn't it normal for you to work harder if the fans are watching? She has changed."

"What's wrong with her..."

"She must think she's all that because YG supports her so much but she's not on that level yet."

"She must really think she's the female version of GD but she still needs a lot of practice. Her live performance sucks."

"She thinks she'll be fine even she doesn't try hard.... Honey... that's not how the world works? How is she an idol?"

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tears blurred her vision to the point she couldn't read the rest. she hadn't even felt them coming, she didn't know she was in pain, but then, why was she crying?

even through the blurred vision, jennie read the entire article through. hot tears trailed down her cheeks, and she could feel the burning trails they left.

each comment stabbed her in the heart. over, and over again. they pierced her like arrows lit on fire. it burned her.

when she came to the end, she clicked her phone off, laying back in bed. she stared at the ceiling, through tears.

jennie hated this. she hated how she could feel the pain. she hated the burning longing in her heart, to be loved. she hated it. everything. herself.

she automatically turned to her side, her hand reaching to her bedside drawer. she pulled it, and reached half-blindly into the drawer, her fingers longing for the familiar feel of the pill bottle.

she found and uncapped it within seconds, but her heart dropped when she realised nothing was remaining. it was empty. she had emptied it.

jennie needed more. now.

not bothering to check her appearance properly, she shoved on a pair of jeans, a long coat and sunglasses. jennie hated leaving the comfort of her room, her self isolation chamber, but she hated the thought of having to survive without those pills even more.

she forcefully jammed her earpiece into her ears, turning the volume to the max to ignore her surroundings.

she took a few bills and scrunched them up into her pocket. she opened the door, about to stride out, when she saw the very three people that told her not to go online.

"jennie," jisoo exhaled, her shoulders tense.

"are you okay?"

"i'm fine," jennie's tone was clipped, steady, like she just hadn't cried.

sure you are, was something jisoo wanted to retort back, but held her tongue back as she stared at jennie with sad, tired eyes. she didn't need to even ask if the girl had read the article. one look at those hollow, bottomless pots of emptiness, she knew. she knew she had read the cursed thing. she knew she was a pin's width from a breakdown.

"where are you going?"

"just for a walk, soo," the girl smiled. oh, but it didn't reach her eyes, nor did the corner of her eyes crinkle, nor did the cold pools of darkness lighten.

jisoo peeked into her room. bottles of water were scattered across the table, empty but not thrown away. bed undone, clothes in a pile at the corner of the room. things were not organised, not the way jennie kept it. this wasn't jennie. this was a shell of her best friend.

"how about i join you?" she asked cautiously.

"no, it's okay. don't you have a drama to prepare for, soo? you don't need to."

the older gave a forced smile, "it’s in an hour. i have time."

jennie pursed her lips. she needed the pills now. and jisoo wasn't letting her get them.

"but where i'm going will take longer than an hour."

"then i'll call lisa to follow you."

a weak laugh, "you don't need to."

jennie's heart was thumping in her chest. she needed the pills. she needed it. for survival. for numbness.

pills. need. now.

jisoo could sense the brunette’s internal conflict. she pulled her lower lip into her mouth by her teeth. she usually wasn't the intrusive type, but she was scared.

"on second thought—"

"no, it's okay," the raven-haired girl pretended to check her phone, "my schedule actually starts in half an hour. i misread the schedule. i can't join you."

she lied.

she would cancel her entire schedule for jennie.

but she was scared.

no, terrified.

she was scared that if she didn't let jennie get the pills, she would do something much worse.

something that can never be undone.

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