Lonely (a falsettos college AU)

Chemical romance

I was gonna post this last night, and I was in bed, bleary eyed AND I HAD TO GO PRESS THE CUT BUTTON INSTEAD OF THE COPY. So yeah, rewrote this, but I think I prefer it this way.

Finals stressed Marvin out to the max, and when Marvin became stressed, he became abusive and aggressive causing Whizzer to walk on egg shells around him.

They both highly anticipated the summer, Whizzer needing to escape the room he now associated with pain. And Marvin just needing a minute alone to process his feelings.

After his break up with Trina, Marvin ended up almost instantly balls deep in Whizzers ass. But Whizzer was preoccupied, often not even present during sex. He would stare past Marvin's shoulders to the ceiling focusing on the tiny cracks in the paint. Night after night they would have sex, and as they finished, tears would roll down his face. Marvin would go to wipe them away, but Whizzer would instantly sit up, and go to his desk, going back to his studying. Lighting a cigarette. Some nights he forgot about the cigarette, letting it burn to ashes in his fingers, using the butt to shade his sketches.

Most mornings Marvin would wake up to whizzer not having moved through the night, sometimes a cup of tea on the desk or another cigarette held between his lips.

He barely ate as the stress got to him, the cigarettes stopping him from needing food, along with the fact he had no time due to studying and was trying to work at the same time.

But one constant in Whizzer and Marvin's lives were the fights. They were always over stupid and meaningless things, like how Whizzer hated Marvin not hanging up his clothes, or when Marvin would point out how Whizzer would never be able to be in a relationship, or monogamous.

They would fight loudly, yelling and screaming at the other, causing the neighbours to bang on the walls. They would always end up having sex, angry and forceful, the sounds of pain and aggression echoing through the room.

It mimicked the first time they had sex in the bathroom  stall nine months ago, or ten if you asked Marvin, meaningless, no strings attached, no feelings except anger.

And afterwards Whizzer would always light a cigarette and go back to work in only his boxers, causing Marvin to want to fuck him so hard he would not be able to get up to reach the desk. Or just show him how much he loved him.

Somedays Whizzer would fall asleep standing up above his books on the counter at the cafe, but Johanna would pick up his shift, not waking him up as she saw him fading, his once bright personality dulling.

She often commented on how much weight he had lost, asking if he felt okay, and Whizzer would always reply that the stress was getting to him. She understood that, remembering how bad her first year summer finals were.

"So, were you told your fashion final assignment?"

Whizzer looked up from the large sketchbook on the counter.

"Ugh yeah, we were told today. We've got to design a portfolio based on how society pressures us to be and how we break the standards it sets for us."

"Nice, have you got any ideas?"

"A couple-" he doodled a tiny mannequin on the bottom corner of the page "- what do you think of when I say 'red'?"

"Anger."

Whizzer nodded, writing it down quickly on the mind map of words in the centre of the page.

"To me it's the colour of wine staining someone's lips when you first meet them, symbolising how they will bring misfortune and mistakes. It's the colour of lipstick on a women's teeth when she smiles or the way her dress twirls and whirls as she spins and dances after she pushes apart the tables in a Parisian restaurant. It's the colour of the marks you leave on someone's neck after having too much to drink. The feeling of giving someone your heart, and a rose to someone, but it's the colour you see when they leave."

They stood in silence for a moment, pondering the poetic words that spilt from Whizzers mouth.

"So, not sleeping is really doing wonders for you huh!"

Whizzer yawned, bringing tears to his eyes.

"I've never felt more alive."

The bags around Whizzers eyes added years to his age, deep and dark, struggling to keep them open.

Several days later he finally slept. Marvin and him had sex, a usual occurrence, but as Marvin tried to hug Whizzer,trying so hard to keep him in the bed they shared, but Whizzer brushed him off, getting up to study.

He barely took two steps before he crumbled to a tiny curled up heap on the floor. Marvin was instantly by his side shaking him, checking to see if he was alright. He hauled him up into his arms and lay him down on the bed, quickly calling Charlotte.

She sent him out of the room when she arrived, and he paced up and down the corridor until she finished checking Whizzers vitals, he sprinted to her side, instantly asking if Whizzer was okay.

"He's just sleeping, he collapsed from exhaustion. When was the last time he slept?"

"I don't know-" he was frantic, trying to get his head around what happened "- thank God he's alright."

But more permanent worry lines seemed to grace Charlotte's forehead, which made Marvin feel slightly scared.

"When he wakes up, call me. I need to talk to him."

The unsettled feeling did not leave Marvin's stomach, but he pushed it to the side, tucking Whizzer into bed and hugging him tight. So tight that for a minute, nothing could hurt him, nothing would make him feel sad.

"Wait for it" the small voice whispered in his head. "Just you wait."

While Whizzer was still out Trina visited, and after Marvin's failed attempts to even awkwardly converse with her, she sat on Whizzers bed, stroking his hair, and tracing circles into his back lightly with her fingernails. She was the one to break the ice.

"You know there is a chemical equation for love."
"Well I sort of figured that out myself."

She sighed at his inability to ever feel like he was not the smartest in the room. Now that she no longer saw him through a rosy filter, she could see every single one of his flaws and scoffed at how blind she had been.

"Will you just let me be smarter than you for a second-" she said, raising her whispered tone to a low speaking voice "- dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, together they are love in its purest essence."

"Why are you telling me this?"
"Each chemical can be easily manufactured, hell I could make it in the chemistry labs, but if there is an Imbalance, or if you overdose on even one of them, it can cause schizophrenia, paranoia and in worse case scenarios, insanity."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"Are you paranoid?"
"No?"

She cocked her head to the side.

"Then are you sure you love him?"