How long can I keep Smiling

Happy birthday Neito

Today was the day....I turn 16 years old....hooray I'm one year closer to death.....why can't I just gain the courage to end it all.

I thought as I stared at the roof of my dorm, the only good thing about this day is when my brother and Askari take me to a restaurant of my choice and we celebrate there, with some nice dinner and desert at the end.

I sigh and got ready for school, time for my normal routine that's pointless because I'm going to kill myself before I even graduate.

At lunch time
I was sitting and eating my food right next to Kendo and across from Tsunotori, Awase, Shiozaki, Rin, Tsuburaba, Komori, and Kodai.

I moved over as Tetsutetsu came over, he pat my back and said "Happy birthday Monoma, I have the best present for you buddy." Tetsutetsu says and I sigh.

"You don't have to do that Tetsutetsu, like I said before you guys don't have it get me anything for my birthday." I say.

"Awwww but I spent a lot of money on my present for you...." Tsunotori looks down at her food.

"I guess I can accept it, if it's means that much to you Tsunotori." I say and she perks up all happy.

"Monoma, what do you think of us as? Horrible friends." Kodai says and I look down a little embarrassed "We're obviously going to get you presents for your birthday, and your not saying no to any of them." She says eating some of her rice.

"Say Monoma what do you do for your birthday anyways?" Komori asks and I look down at my lap.

"Well me, my older brother, and future sister in law go to a restaurant of my choice and have dinner and deserts, nothing much." I say and they all looked a little disappointed.

"Oh? Well this years going to be different!" Rin says all pumped.

"How so? All you guys are doing is giving me presents, nothing much to change." I say and they all look frightened.

"Uhhhhh well ummmm." Awase began to freeze up, Rin, Tsunotori, Tsuburaba, and Shiozaki look away, Komori, and Kodai, laugh awkwardly, finally Kendo, and Tetsutetsu were just looking at me with wide eyes.

"What's wrong?" I ask a little hurt they wouldn't tell me.

"It's nothing important....I need to use the restroom please move you two." Kendo says getting up and we let her pass as she walks to the restrooms.

"What's going on? you all are acting weird." I say and they all nervously laugh it off.

"N-Nothing, we just were thinking of......Skiing!" Shiozaki dumbly says.

"Shiozaki....that won't work on me, I was at the table when we were all talking....." I say a little pissed.

"Dammit.....!" Shiozaki disappointedly says.

I get up and Tetsutetsu let's me get out "If you guys are going to keep secrets from me....fine go on.....I'll leave so you can speak louder!" I yell and Storm off hearing Tetsu call out for me to come back.

But I just ignored him and headed to my next class, on my way to class I ran into Shinzo, trying not to fall asleep in the hallway.

I go and sit next to I'm saying "You know if you actually went go sleep you wouldn't be tired." I say and he playfully punches my shoulder.

"Fuck you." He says with a small grin on his face which I returned "Happy birthday Monoma." He says looking at the ground.

".....thanks...." I say looking away.

"You okay?" He asks as he stares at me.

"......yeah I'm fine......i don't know why you'd think otherwise?" I say and feel his face go from normal to disappointment.

"Everyone's right....you have been acting not like yourself lately." He says and I let out a low groan.

"Not this bullshit again." I say standing up "I told everyone and I'll tell you, I'm fine, there's nothing wrong, I'm acting how I normally act, WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK IM NOT ACTING NORMAL!!!" I yell as I run back to my room, feeling tears come to me.

At his dorm
I get in my room and Immediately go into my draw and grab my razor blade, locking my door and taking of my shirt, I began to cut myself, eight times this time.

I was just going to skip for the rest of the day, not like anyone would notice......

——————————————————
I lay on my bed as I continue to sob lowly, my breathing heavy as I felt the soft cloth around me once dry as the dessert, now soaked like the ocean.

Classes were over for the day and I continue to cry, gasp, and whine in my bed "Why....? What *Gasp* di-did I d-do? Why are they keeping s- *Gasp*-secrets?" I ask as I continue to sob, rubbing my eyes, that were blind from tears and taking my contacts out "Heh....I*Gasp* c-can understand, w-who would want m-m-me around? I only *Gasp* ru-ruin the f-fu-fu-fun......" I say before closing my eyes and continuing to cry and sob.

It was only like two seconds after that before a knock on my door occurred.

I jump as a muffled voice echos on the other side "M-Monoma can I come in?" I hear Kendo's voice call out.

Shit did she hear me?! O-oh god I'm probably a mess! I thought before saying "Ummm just let me find my contacts first!" I say and search around barely able to see anything.

Stubbing my toe on stuff and hurting myself, before I head a door open and feet walk in, a few seconds after a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me to sit on a chair "Let me help...." Kendo says "Let's clean your face first." She says before I feel tissues wipe my eyes clean from anymore tears and the soft paper tissue caress my face slowly, drying it from the tears that slid across it merely seconds ago.

When she was finished I felt her help put my contacts in, when she was done I blinked my eyes a couple of times before I was able to see clearly.

When I could, I saw he face looking at mine with worry "M-Monoma.....I heard what you said in here and....." she said before shutting the door and pulling me to my bed sitting next to me "You don't ruin the fun...and we do want you around!" She says holding my hands in hers "In fact I'll show you the secret we were keeping from you." She says handing me a blindfold and then pulls me out of U.A. into the city, about like 30 minutes later Kendo has me put the blindfold on and hold my hand as she leads me to our destination.

"Where are you taking me Kendo?" I ask her as she continues to pull me forward.

"You'll see, just a little further." She say and then like five minutes later stops me and takes off my blindfold.

What I saw in front of me was a whole party in the park, with my whole class and Shinsou was in the crowd as well, my brother and Askari were also there "Surprise Monoma! I found your bother and me and him set this whole party up for you!" Tetsutetsu says and my heart beats loudly.

Why.....why would Tetsutetsu put all this effort into this party for me.

"Happy birthday Neito." Miko and Askari say walking towards me and hugging me.

I hug them back and walk around staring at everything and then look at Tetsutetsu with a smile of actual joy on my face "T-Thank you Tetsutetsu but why'd you do all this?" I ask him.

"Because, you said your parents stopped throwing you parties and since your now officially sixteen you deserve a party." Tetsutetsu says and rubs the back of his neck.

I chuckle and then laugh "Well then, is this a party or what?" I ask them and they all cheer and we have a good time at my first birthday party in a while.

I don't understand why he'd do all this for me.....but I'm glad I have friends like him and Kendo.