Insatiable (UNDERGOING REWRITES)

Chapter 37 : Nolan Daniels

I was going out of my goddamn mind.

It's been fifteen hours of agony. Of not knowing what the hell was going on. Not knowing where Julian is, what happened, who took him, if he's okay. There were so many bad scenarios running through my head at top speed and not enough answers to keep up with them. At this point, I was just a bomb waiting to explode.

Ezra called the police, but they said they couldn't do much. We can't file him as a missing person until twenty-four hours after his disappearance. That was such bullshit, though.

Julian is gone. We all know that. Some guy from his past took him like some sick psycho that he most definitely is. So why the fuck isn't anyone doing a shit about it?

Ezra was on the phone hour after hour, person after person––as if being on the phone is going to help Julian whatsoever.

No, actually going out and doing something about his disappearance instead of sitting on my ass––!

"Nolan? Hey, come on, look at me."

I turned my eyes to Caleb who was sitting next to me, a gentle hand against my arm. He looked at me with so much worry and concern, I had to look away.

This was how it's been going the last day.

"We'll find him," Caleb reassured me.

I let out a long sigh and shook my head. My fists clenched against my thighs. "You keep saying that, but we'll only find him if we go and look for him."

Caleb tilted his head to try and look me in the eyes. "You know we can't do that. We don't know exactly who we're up against."

"We know who we're up against! That psycho asshole who tormented my––"

"Nolan! Please, stop." Caleb now knelt in front of me, his hands on either side of my face. "You keep getting angry, and I get it, I do. I would be furious if someone tried to take..." He looked behind him to where Ezra was pacing, whispering harshly into his phone. "But getting angry and upset and acting like this isn't going to help Julian. Just, please, eat something, close your eyes for a bit, don't sit here and bottle up your thoughts and feelings. You're going to explode. And I really don't want to clean you off the ceilings."

Caleb tried for a smile, but I didn't feel it. But he was right. I couldn't just keep sitting here, thinking the worst about this situation. It wasn't helping Julian anymore than trying to go out and find him blindly would be.

I let out a breath, hoping to let out some of my worries too. "You wouldn't be able to reach the ceilings."

Caleb snorted, shifting back onto the couch beside me.

We were still at Julian and Ezra's apartment. The letters Julian had stashed away were scattered on the coffee table, some Ezra had walked to the kitchen where he had set up his own little work station. He had told me as much as he knew, which besides the information the letters gave, wasn't a whole lot else.

This man, Phineas, apparently loved Julian––who was actually Gabriel back then––but it was in a way that only a psychopath could comprehend. Abusing and raping and hurting was not something people generally based love filled relationships off of.

I knew I didn't know much about Julian, but this was a whole new level. The guy you're sleeping with, your maybe boyfriend, and someone you could possible, might already be, in love with, has a secret past where he was a totally different person. Damn. Bad enough I'm trying to get Julian Mason to date me, now I had to do the same with Gabriel Morgan.

Seriously, Nolan, you should not be thinking about this right fucking now.

Caleb looked up and watched Ezra pause in front of the counter, looking down at the few papers in front of him before he continued speaking on the phone. I watched the way Caleb tracked Ezra's moves. His brown eyes were soft yet vibrant.

"Is he why you've been acting so weird lately?"

Caleb turned his eyes to mine, brows now furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"You've been really distant lately. Is it because you've been hanging with him?" I nodded to where Ezra was. Caleb turned to follow my gaze before he let out a long breath.

"Partly, I suppose." He turned to look back at me, now a sad and hurt look on his face. "A lot has happened lately, Nolan. And truthfully, I've wanted nothing more than to tell you about, to go to you and just rant. But you haven't been around."

"What? Of course I––"

"No, Nolan. You haven't. You've been obsessing over Julian the last few weeks. And I get you, you like him, a lot. But you've been so caught up in him that you completely forgot about your friends. You forgot about me. Enough not to even notice that I haven't been okay."

I turned fully to Caleb, reaching out to grab his hands, but he pulled away.

"I'm not telling you this right now so you'll suddenly want to talk and make sure I'm okay. Because I am, I'm fine. I...We've worked everything out. And you shouldn't be worrying about me right now––"

I held a hand up, using my other to grab Caleb's hand and squeeze. "I know I haven't been there, Cal, and I'm so sorry. I've been a crappy friend, and I'm so sorry. But don't keep shutting me out. There's nothing else for us to do right now but wait, so talk to me. Tell me everything."

Caleb searched my face, my eyes. Looking for something that I had no idea what. But I smiled at him, hoping I was being as reassuring as possible, because all I said was true. I haven't been there for Caleb when I should have been. I've been so caught up in things with Julian that I haven't even noticed what's been going on with Caleb. No wonder he's been so distant towards me.

"Okay, I'll tell you."

Riiiiiiiing.

Everyone jumped five feet into the air. My heart now beating a more rapid pace. Ezra spun to his phone quickly answering it before putting it on speaker as he mouthed, Joe, his police friend.

"We found something, sir."

"What is it?" Ezra's voice was urgent. It seemed like I wasn't the only one on the verge of a breakdown right now. Caleb was up and moving towards Ezra, eyes full of concern.

I didn't hear the rest as my phone started ringing. I quickly answered mine as well. A sudden commotion, talking, shouting and movement shot from my phone.

"Kyle?" I called.

"Oh my god. Oh holy fucking shit," my roommate was saying, more to himself it seemed than to me.

"Kyle! What the hell, are you okay?"

"Nolan!" He yelled into the phone, seeming to finally realize he called me. "Oh, thank god. There's so much blood, man. You gotta..."

The rest of his words crackled out. I pulled my phone away to check the connection, but mine was completely fine. It must have been his. He must be far away from town to have poor connection like this.

"Kyle? You're breaking up, say that again?"

"It's, um, we found...well, Jonah found him. We found them on a walk. He must have been running along the highway and the woods or something. A wonder nobody saw him or hit him. There's so much blood, dude. You gotta get over here."

I was already standing, hands shaking as I gripped my phone tighter. I could barely register Ezra speaking rapidly into his phone on the other side of the room before turning to look at me, eyes wide.

"Who, Kyle? Who did you find?"

There were more voices, a broken sob followed by rasping breathing, before Kyle said, "Julian. We found Julian."