Insatiable (UNDERGOING REWRITES)

Chapter 40 : Julian Mason

Nolan had wrapped his hand around mine like a shackle. But I didn't mind. Not when he was stroking my hair, and simply staring at me with his blue-gray eyes. This was the kind of attention I had always wanted from a lover, but was never confident in keeping.

I wouldn't let him go.

Someone dear told me not to.

"Jules," Nolan murmured. That was another thing he kept doing: saying my name. Every time he did, it sent chills down my spine and warmth into my chest. I stroked his knuckles.

"I'm sorry."

Nolan shot forward, hand on my cheek, eyes wide with determination. "Don't you ever apologize to me. Don't."

I just smiled. "I should have told you everything sooner. But I was scared."

"I don't doubt it. But you have every right to keep things from me until you want to. I trust you, Julian. Whatever you need to tell me, from here on out, can wait until you're ready."

I reached a shaky hand up to touch his own cheek. "When did I get so lucky?"

Nolan grinned, bright and beautiful.

I inched my way to the other side of the hospital bed to make room for Nolan. He gingerly slid in next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, his cheek resting on my head.

It had been two days since I woke up. Since I killed Phineas. Since I died.

Nolan hadn't left my side since.

I slept most of the days, letting my body and mind heal. Nolan had to hand feed me the first day. The second, I refused his help, claiming I wasn't going to be one of those people who let their boyfriends do all the work for them. Nolan had just grinned at my use of 'boyfriend.'

"I want to tell you now," I whispered, afraid if I spoke any louder someone would come out and grab me. Even knowing that Phineas was dead––the officer's had confirmed as much, and that they had Mateo in custody––I could never run from that age old fear. It would always chase me.

Nolan didn't say anything, just pressed a kiss into my hair.

And so I told him everything.

———

"How come I've never seen this before?" Nolan exclaimed, fingers light on my back. There was a flash of someone else's hands on my back, tracing the black ink there. I looked over my shoulder, wanting to replace that memory with this one.

We were still sitting on my hospital bed, the sheets rumpled around us as Nolan was examining my back and the tattoo there. Of course I had never told him anything about it. It also helped that I had started to get the tattoo removed. It wasn't quite finished, but it wasn't as large as it was before. Thankfully, when we had sex, the lingerie covered the greater part of the tattoo. And Nolan must have been too preoccupied to notice the exposed bits.

I had started the tattoo removal a few months back, but then I cancelled the rest of the removal appointments, and made plans to alter the current look.

Now instead of the symbol for the Ruby Lions, Phineas' gang, it was the story of my life.

Where Nolan's fingers touched, I knew exactly where he was looking.

"This was the symbol of Phineas' gang, the Ruby Lions. The lion is the obvious bit, the thorns and vines cage it, or as Phineas said, protects it. 'All for one and one for all,' their motto. Very unoriginal."

Nolan smoothed his other hand down my other side to my thigh. "But it's not the same anymore?"

It was more of a statement than a question. I smiled, though he couldn't see me.

I explained my want to get it removed, but then deciding another path to take halfway through.

"There are still some vines and thorns, but now there are daffodils, symbolizing rebirth and new beginnings. A single daffodil foretells misfortune, while a bunch of daffodils indicate joy and happiness."

"Is that why there is one red daffodil, while the rest are yellow."

I nodded. "I kept the lion. It's grown to be my favorite animal."

Nolan placed a kiss there. "You know, my nickname is the Lion."

I looked at him over my shoulder. "I know."

Nolan watched me a moment before his eyes widening, as if he was finally understanding. He looked back down at the tattoo. "The eyes..."

"Blue-gray, silvery. Just like yours."

"And the words?" His voice was so quiet.

"'All for you and one for me.'" I turned around so I was sitting in his lap. "All I do is for you, and the only one for me is you."

His chest stuttered as I placed a hand over his heart. "I love you, Nolan. I want to be with you, and only you. For as long as you'll have me."

My heart was beating erratically in my chest, my palms sweating and neck burning red.

Nolan's eyes flitted across my face before he lowered his head to my shoulder. "That's all I've wanted to hear you say for weeks."

I pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear. "Happy to oblige."

"I love you too, Jules," He said, pulling away to hold my face. "So goddamn much, you don't even know."

I lowered my forehead to his. "Then show me."

I watched Nolan blink twice before he smirked and softly slid his lips against mine. He was being gently, taking care with me, one, because of what I had just been through, and two, because I was still healing. But I didn't want him to be gentle. I just wanted all of him.

Grabbing a fistful of his shirt, I crushed him against me. Something made a loud beep in the background, but I couldn't care. Nothing was going to stop me from being with this incredibly insatiable man.

He wound his arms around my back, pulling me closer against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist. One hand drifted lower down my back, pushing the hospital pants I wore down until he could cup my ass. And slide one finger through my crack and graze my hole. I let out a breathy moan as his tongue entered my mouth.

But all too soon as I was becoming encompassed with him, did Nolan pull away. His cheeks were flushed and pupils blown wide as he looked back at me, and started laughing.

Someone burst through the door––a nurse––eyes immediately going to the heart monitor, which I realized was spiking erratically, before looking at us tangled on the bed. Her cheeks flamed a brilliant red before she cleared her throat.

"I suggest you two wait to do––" she waved a hand at us "––that until you aren't sitting in a hospital, hooked up to a machine that can alert everyone to your activities."

With that, she pressed a button on the machine and shut the door with a click.

Nolan burst into another round of laughter.

I couldn't help but join in, collapsing against him.

This happiness I felt, raw and elated, was something I couldn't remember if I ever felt before. But that didn't matter. What mattered was the now, and that I had Nolan here with me. Nothing could stand in my way anymore.