Worlds Away

Chapter Fourteen: In Love

"What do you want to do?" Alex said as I snapped the car seat into place

I knew he was referring to Jack. Jack wasn't sitting out by the car or anything. I had been lucky enough to look at my phone and see that Rian had texted me that Jack was with him. I could only imagine the conversation Rian and Jack were having currently. I climbed into the car as I sat there and just exhaled.

"You know it could just be nothing?" Alex spoke sounding like Jack.

"You are starting to sound like Jack now," I pointed at him as he drove back toward his place instead of Jack's apartment.

"it's probably just a lot Logan."

I focused on Harrison who was a babbling mess in the car seat. He had found his voice and it destroyed me to think he may not even be able to hear himself. He probably never head my voice or Jack's. That one really hurt. What was I going to do?

Alex pulled in to the long drive and parked the car. He opened my door as Lisa came outside to greet him but then stopped when she saw me with Harrison. She smiled but you saw her smile falter a little.

"You just missed Ryleigh and Zack. How did Harry's appointment go?" Lisa asked as I pulled out his car seat.

"It went alright and so did Jack..." I said softly as I walked into their house.

I shrugged off Lisa as she came in behind me but Alex held the door open for her. The pair communicated with their eyes before Lisa gasped and ran over to me locking me in a hug.

"Lo, I am so so so sorry. There are so many options available for Harrison as he grows up! We will all be right here with you. I will go call Jack and-" Lisa rambled as Alex couldn't help but smile at his wife.

Lisa was always the protector and true mother of us all. I couldn't help but feel that maybe there was something wrong at the hospital and that is why I never got the report back but I was told no news was good news. Maybe I was a bad mom for not asking about the report? The guilt started to rise in my throat and I placed Harrison's carrier on the floor before running to the trashcan to throw up in.

This was not the first time Alex nor Lisa had saw me get sick. It was really embarrassing as Alex came over and rubbed my back. I was crying and gasping for air. I shook my head and felt like such a failure. Lisa took Harrison and laid him down in the spare bedroom that they had designated for their nieces. Harrison had a cot in there though that was all his. Alex made jokes about having to now decorate with more boy toys.

"It's gonna be okay Logan you are getting worked up over something small," Alex said as he rubbed my back.

Harrison not hearing wasn't small to me though. What could Harrison here? Did he hear all he fights Jack and I had? Jack and I had some pretty brutal fights. I had packed bags a few times and threatened to leave with Harrison and never come back. Jack told me once that he didn't love me and everything was all a lie. But there were good times like really good times. There was the time were Jack was drunk and purposed with ring pops. There was the time we brought Harrison home. When Harrison first smiled and all of Harrison's first were really in that apartment of his. I bit my lip and fought back the tears.

"Harrison will never hear his dad play music or his mom play music. He will never hear his uncles or aunt. He will be made fun of it and it's not fair." I sobbed into Alex's chest.

Alex hugged me close to his chest like I was still a little kid. I still felt like I was a little kid sometimes even though I had a son of my own. Alex was still my protector and my best friend in some ways. While Ryleigh would always be my partner in crime Alex was my protector.

"They talked about an implant. Logan just because Harrison can't hear doesn't mean it's the end of the world. He is here and he is healthy otherwise. He is napping but he is usually smiley and happy to beat on your face. Maybe he will be deaf and be the next drummer for All Time Low." Alex said trying to make the situation lighter.

I really wanted Jack here so I could blame him and tell him I was right. I wanted to say it so badly to his face but I always wanted him here because he made the world feel safe. Jack, though we had our difference I was in love with him. I loved the way he wrote me letters and how he showed me all the things he wrote to Harrison and me when we weren't talking to one another. He wrote of his hopes and fears as he became a parent and he kept his own journal of thoughts in a drawer by his desk.

"I-I want to see Jack. I want to talk to him. I want to punch him and cry. I want Harrison to hear and I just-" I stopped and wanted to scream.

Alex looked at me before getting out his phone to call Rian. Rian answered and Alex pointed behind him saying he was going to talk to Rian. I felt bad putting them all in this position like they had to pick sides and take care of us. Jack and I should be adults. I got out my phone and called Ryleigh in tears.

"Hello," Ryleigh panted into the phone while I heard Zack in the background.

"R-Ry he... he..." I couldn't get the words out as the tears kept flowing.

"Logan where are you? Is Harrison okay? Did something happen to Jack?" Ryleigh became frantic.

"Alex and Lisa's. Harrison doctors appoint and Jack left. Harrison... He can't hear." I spoke into the phone softly like saying it out loud meant it couldn't be handled or dealt with.

"Oh Lo," She spoke softly like a mother would.

I heard her get up from wherever she was. Zack groaned as she got up leaving me to assume a lot of things of what the pair were doing. I heard Ryleigh shuffling in the background as a door open and closed. I heard keys jingling in her hand.

"I'm going to kill him you know?" She said jokingly spoke to me through the phone.

"Please, don't Ry," I whispered as Lisa came back rocking a sleepy Harrison.

I couldn't help but stop and stare at Lisa and Harrison. I saw a lot of Jack in Harrison at that moment. I held my breath but listened to Ryleigh as she let all her anger out into the phone conversation asking me why I wasn't completely mad that Jack left and how it was a dick move. While I agree with her completely the words that came out of my mouth I didn't expect.

"Because, Ryleigh, I am in love with him and I don't think I can do this without him. I am in love with Jack Barakat and he may never know it."