Worlds Away

Chapter Eighteen: Leave it

Everyone quickly uploaded witty captions to their photos of Harrison. I sat on the floor between Jack's legs holding Harrison in my lap. Jack occasionally kept playing with Harrison's ears causing me to flick his. Alex eventually came over and took Harrison from me. I relaxed into Jack's chest as he wrapped his arms around me in a comfortable position.

"I can't believe people are being so rude it's none of their business," Ryleigh said as Zack took her phone.

"I know but Ry you signed up for it," Zack said softly pushing hair behind Ryleigh's ear.

Alex took Harrison and was bouncing him on his knee. Alex was a great uncle to Harrison honestly. He was the first person to volunteer his time with him. I knew T.K and Carlos would if they could get the time off. I watched as Lisa made silly faces at Harrison causing him to giggle. I put my head against Jack's shoulder while he leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"If you would have told me two years ago this where I would be, I would have laughed," He whispered while I nodded.

"It's crazy how fast time is going. I remember when I met you and you scared me. You were always Ryleigh's person," I whispered back while Jack kissed my temple.

Rian was the first person to get up and say something about leaving to get some sleep. I waved goodbye as he went to shake all the guy's hands. They all had a handshake they did and once they were done Rian left. Zack and Ryleigh were next to leave. Zack was getting antsy to get home. He probably had a cute date night or something up his sleeve for Ryleigh. It left Jack, Alex, Lisa, and me sitting in the living room. Alex began to rock Harrison as he got a little fussy. It was definitely past his bedtime.

"Do you guys want to stay here or are you going to head back?" Lisa asked placing a hand on Alex's shoulder as he worked to comfort Harrison.

"I think we will probably be heading back to Logan's parents' place. Brendon hasn't seen much of Harrison recently and probably will want to," Jack said while I got up and went into the spare guest room.

I collected Harrison's bag of stuff from earlier in the day and tried to tidy up the guest room that they turned into a makeshift nursery. I bit my lip laughing at all the toys and play mats that decorated the floor. Alex was holding Harrison out in front of him and making a sound like an airplane before bringing Harrison close to his face and peppering the child with kisses. I couldn't help but stand in the archway and watch how Jack, Lisa, and Alex interacted with one another and Harrison.

"I don't know what is going to happen at the doctor's appointment Monday. I am kind of afraid to hear what they have to say," Jack spoke while my ears perked up at this confession.

"I know but we'll get through it we always do," Alex said while continuing to lift Harrison in the air keeping him occupied.

"You should be afraid J," Lisa spoke putting a hand on his shoulder.

"If anything you and Logan will have new information and it should make you feel better talking to a professional in that sense," Lisa said before noticing me standing in the archway but just giving me a wink.

"I am afraid of Lo and I going back to arguing and fighting. I really don't want to fight. She kind of shut down after the interviews and It was weird. It's like one minute she'll be Logan and you can see her in all her glory and then other times it's like you're staring back at a wall you thought you had knocked down," Jack mumbled the last bit but it was still perfectly audible.

Alex moved to put Harrison in his car seat and rock him with his foot. After strapping, Harrison in Alex placed his foot barely on the edge and began to apply slight pressure causing the seat to rock back and forth slightly.

"I noticed that too today! Logan was like all fine and cheery during some parts of the interview and other times it was like she was completely somewhere else. I tried to ask Rian about it because they had an interview together but he was running late looking for Zack. Rian found out that Zack went and sat in the room waiting on him so Rian was running around looking for someone who was already waiting on him," Alex chuckled slightly.

"I feel like such a shitty parent," Jack said and threw his head back and then picked up his coat and began to put it on.

"You aren't a shitty parent," I spoke out from the archway I was leaning against.

Jack jumped noticeable startled upon hearing that I was eavesdropping. Alex wasn't phased by it anymore while Lisa simply knew that I was there, to begin with. I walked through the house and went to the door to slip on my shoes and coat. I looked at Jack as he looked down at me.

"You are an amazing dad and I am sorry I am a failure for not giving you a perfect son," I whispered the last bit as I went to get Harrison.

Jack stood there a little dumbfounded while I got Harrison and took his hand pulling him towards the car. Jack unlocked the doors while I made sure Harrison's car seat locked in. I climbed into the car with Jack while he looked at me nervously.

The drive to my parent's house was incredibly silent. Jack kept stealing little glances at me while I just looked outside at the dark cold sky. I felt drawn to just put my hands on the dashboard and scream not knowing how I was feeling. I was nervous about the appointment because what if this was something that was my fault. What if I was the reason for everything.

Upon arriving at my parent's house I unlocked the door. Dad greeted us with hugs while mom had drinks ready for everyone. I took Harrison upstairs and placed him down for the night and set up the baby monitor. I then went to my old room where Jack was laying on the bed reading a journal.

"You never explained to me why you left me," Jack said reading a line for a page I knew all too well.

"I am still upset he had to leave me but it was for the best I guess. I still feel for his family. I- I'm a failure and it's my fault. If I didn't try to lose weight while I was pregnant or fall or do all those terrible things then maybe Harrison would be perfect," I spoke lightly while Jack closed the journal.

"Logan you don't get it," He whispered sounding annoyed

"Door open you two! I don't care if you live together I don't want to become a grandfather again anytime soon!" Dad yelled walking by the room and opening the door.

I gave him a thumbs up and an annoyed smile looking at Jack. Jack's dark brown eyes were looking at me with soft bits of hope. I felt the tears begin to slide down my cheeks while I felt my body begin to shake. Jack moved his hands from his sides to my hip and back pulling me into his chest. I hugged him tightly and just cried into his chest letting everything out.

"Harrison is always going to be perfect and he will always be my son Logan. I remember meeting you. You were so shut away and you used your hands or write all the time and you just looked terrified all the time. I can't live not hearing your voice and I am so afraid of you going back there to being that person. I can't live not hearing your voice," Jack kept whispering against my skip before letting his lips attack my face getting a giggle out of me.

"There is a sound I love hearing," Jack said giving me a soft hurt smile.

I drew my hand to his chest as I grabbed his shirt and kissed his lips with a bit of passion behind it. I felt his eyelashes flutter close against my face. I pulled away to breathe before looking at the door and made the decision to go ahead and close the door just for tonight.