Falling in love

Chapter 13

Dev saw Pooja lay flat on her stomach, she looked life less, Dev zoned out he felt numb he could hardly move his feet Pooja's dad was the first one to turn her around calling her name.. Raj called 911 right away, Mark went running to Dev caught him by his arm as he just couldn't move. It took him some time to even understand what happened. He came close to Pooja she wasn't moving but yes she is still breathing. He fell on his knees staring at Pooja's dad who is crying and screaming for help
D:: poo.. p.. Pooja!! Pooja!! (His voice seems to be stuck in his throat)
As Disha is checking her nerves and trying to wake her up. It's only two minutes but it felt like forever.
D:: Disha Di!! Poo.. Pooja!! (His lips are quivering, he feels choked, his hands are cold)
Disha:: Dev don't worry Bachcha Pooja will be fine. Don't worry she'll be fine
D:: but Di ..... (pointing at Pooja's face)
Disha:: Dev don't worry she only hurt her nose that's why she is bleeding and nothing else. Don't worry babu ambulance will be here in a minute.
Dev just realized that Pooja is hurt badly, he can't breathe anymore, he starts calling Pooja trying to wake her up. He is crying, his eyes are disoriented he can't think straight.
Raj:: Dev stay strong Bhai, she just got a shock I'm sure she'll be fine.
Just in 5 minutes the cops were there with the ambulance, they took her to the nearest hospital..
she was taken in the emergency room, all the tests were done, ultrasound, CT scan and everything that was needed. Pooja gained consciousness after some time. Ofcourse the family was informed but they still  were not allowed inside. She was brought back to the room.
Doctor:: Don't worry everyone, we did all the test, that was necessary, there's no internal injury as far as we can see and yes her nose is absolutely fine she did not break her nose, yes she got hurt that's why she was bleeding. Not only that we did her ultrasound and the baby looked fine and Mommy even listened to the heart beat, right mom?
(Pooja nodded slightly.) I would just suggest that she stays here for tonight just for observation and you can take her home in the morning. Okay?
D:: you are sure everything is fine? I mean so much blood came out, she hit her head.
Doc:: I do understand you are worried but we did CT Scan and MRI to see if there's any internal injury but there's nothing wrong.
D:: but then she was unconscious for such long time
Doc:: sometimes that happens, she was in a state of shock, she got hurt and everything together. Why don't you all let her rest and you guys can rest too. Okay mom take rest, I know it will be little difficult as you are wrapped up with wires but we need to observe you and the baby just to make sure. Okay?
P:: ok!
Doc:: I'll be back in the morning and if everything looks good then you are good to go
It was a sigh of relief for everyone. Dev went close to Pooja, his eyes are blood shot red, he tried to smile at her then he held her hand, Pooja signaled him to come close when he went close she gently pecked his lips
P:: what's wrong sweetie?
D:: nothing
P:: then why you still crying?
D:: no I'm not crying
P:: then why are you trying to hide your face
D:: Pooja I was scared, I ... I .. (he broke down now)
The family tried to console Dev who was inconsolable, he was very scared.
One of the nurse came and told them that only one person can stay and it's necessary the patient rests. Ofcourse now everyone wants to stay but then Dadi made everyone understand that Pooja will be more comfortable with her husband and anyway they are in the hotel here Dev can always call if he needs something. Jazz and Mark was there and they assured they'll take turns to come and check on them at night.
That was definitely a long night for everyone in the morning the whole family came back to the hospital and when the doctor came and checked all the results were good. There was no problem. The doctor suggested few days bed rest, very minimum walking atleast for few days and she should check with her gynecologist just to make sure everything's fine.
Even though Pooja's parents asked if Pooja could stay with them as her mom can take care of her, Dev did not agree. He said he will not go to work for few days and he will take care of Pooja himself. There was no way he was letting Pooja go anywhere. Even Pooja seemed happy going with Dev.
They reached New York and when they came home Dev made sure Pooja had all the comfort and she was not alone. She was still in pain as she fell really hard and the Doctor already told her that she might get body ache. Next day Dev took her to the gynecologist and everything was fine. Her doctor suggested the same that she needs to rest for few days and then after sometime she can go back to normal. The gyno told her to walk slowly but not too much. Dev has been doing everything for Pooja, he has been taking her to the washroom to changing her to feeding her Dev has everything in control. Pooja is still in lot of pain, she has been complaining about getting cramps so Dev calls the doctor and she said as Pooja is still stressed that's why may be she is getting cramps. She told him if the cramps getting worse then she should go to the emergency. It's been two days Dev has been very strict with his wifey. He didn't let Pooja mess up the routine. Third day evening Pooja was very angry with Dev as he was acting like some jailor who wouldn't let Pooja move. This time Pooja told Dev that she wants to have dinner with everyone and Dev won't stop her. He had no choice but to agree with her. Dev was holding her hand as she walked to the family dining.
D:: baby why do u want to walk let me carry you
P:: Dev please!!!
D:: okay sorry, I'm just scared Pooja. I still can't forget how you fell it really shook me from inside. I don't want to be mean or strict with you I just don't want you to get hurt
P:: awww bubu (she hugged him) okay why don't you carry me from the stairs? Okay?
Dev flashed a big bright smile and when the stairs came Dev carried her bridal style and took her to the table and seeing that, his family was so proud of him. They all were happy to see Pooja coming to eat with the family.
Dev put her down and pulled a chair for Pooja, he noticed his left arm it felt wet and when he looked it was bloody.
Dadi:: Dev what's on your arm? How do you have blood?
P:: what?
Dev is shocked
D:: Pooja
P:: Dev what's ....
suddenly she felt weird she got up, her white linen pant was all red, she was bleeding, her legs started shaking. Dev and Pooja looked at each other they knew what just happened but could not utter a word.
Dev just took her in a hug and cried Pooja went numb she was silent.
D:: don't worry everything will be fine, let's go to the hospital okay sweetie? You are listening to me right?
Dadi:: Pooja beta don't worry everything will be fine, nothing happened, it's only little blood, people sometimes bleed. Common Dev lets go to the doctor.
Nandini:: that's right, remember Disha was spotting during your wedding due to stress. It happens beta, have patience.
They took her to the hospital, Disha and Raj came Pooja's parents came too.
They are waiting outside as Pooja was taken inside and Dev was with her. Right away they did some test and ultrasound and there was no heartbeat.
Dev told the doctor she was getting cramps and her tummy felt very tight, she did complain about feeling tightness. Doctors did the necessary but ofcourse nothing could be done she was going through a miscarriage. She was 19week pregnant which is almost half way her pregnancy.
P:: Dev I'm sorry I lost our baby girl
D:: stop it Pooja, why are you sorry, baby it's not your fault.
P:: I lost my baby, I couldn't protect her Dev I don't have my baby
Dev was trying hard to be brave he just hugged her tightly, she was in a shock she just couldn't think right. She kept cursing herself.
The doctors gave her a shot for relaxation she fell asleep in sometime because of the shot.
Dev came out his shoulders hung low puffy eyes Pooja's dad was the first one in front of him, Dev looked at him breaking into tears he hugged him
D:: we just lost our baby, we lost her, she is gone we..we... just.....
They had no words that could console Dev, he was being brave in front of Pooja but now he couldn't any more.
D:: I don't know how Pooja will handle this, I can't see her in pain. She is blaming herself, it was not her fault.
Pooja was shifted to a cabin she is still sleeping, she was given a sleeping medicine to relax her body. The family was in the room, helpless stood there seeing a life gone which never opened her eyes in this world. Dev sat next to Pooja holding her hand.
Disha was 8 months pregnant she wasn't feeling too well because of all this stress. Pooja's mom realized that somebody needs to tell her to go home and rest coz it was not good for her health
Poonam:: Disha beta i think you should go home get some rest, you don't look good. Don't stress yourself like this.
Disha:: Aunty I'm fine don't worry
Dadi:: Disha Poonam is right I think you should go home and rest
Disha wasn't going to leave her brother alone, it was hard for her to see her baby brother go through all this.
They were always protected from every sorrow every pain, this was the most painful thing that happened in their life. Dev and Disha have never faced any major loss in their life this was something very big may be the worst they have faced. Even though Disha is a doctor and seeing death in this profession was normal but going through this yourself was very different. She was worried how her baby brother and Pooja will handle this loss?
Dev came too Pooja and kneeled in front of her putting his head on her lap. She could feel his tears seeping through her pant as he had his head on her lap.
D:: Di I'm fine, I know you are worried about me and Pooja. Don't worry we'll be fine. But I won't be able to tolerate anything more than this. Please Di take care of yourself. Go home!!
Disha:: Dev!! Don't worry babu, your Di is fine.
D:: i know you are but I want you to go home and take care of yourself and this baby (touching her belly)
Vijay:: Disha I think you should rest, Dev is right.
Ran deep:: beta go home relax we all are here and just imagine if Pooja gets to know you are stressing like this then she will be mad at everyone.
D:: that's right Di, remember how she always yelled at everyone for bothering you.
It was hard to convince Disha but when she realized that Dev is already stressed and he is getting more scared seeing her not feel good and she didn't want Pooja to go through unnecessary stress for her so she agreed to go home in one condition that she is informed about everything. She hugged Dev wiping his tears
Disha:: don't worry bachcha everything will be fine. You gotta be strong for Pooja right? Have patience, don't cry in front of her give her strength.
Raj took Disha back home, Dev asked his dad to take Dadi back too as Pooja was sleeping and they will be coming home in the morning anyway so it's better everyone goes home.
Dadi insisted that she stays till Pooja wakes up and rest of them felt the same way, they all wanted to be there for them.
Marc and Jazz who came later was nice enough to get some food and coffee for everyone. Dev wasn't able to eat anything, when everyone insisted Dev took a bite of a sandwich and almost chocked as he was still weeping.
The family was shattered it was hard for both the parents to see their kids go through this pain as both the parents tried their best to keep their children away from all negativity, pain, sorrow infact they have never seen anything serious in their life.
Infact Randeep remembered how much Pooja cried when her Gold fish died, she cried for two days he couldn't imagine His daughter going through such a big trauma.
Even for Dev, Nandini remembered how he was upset for days because Mark's 14 year old dog died.
After almost two hours Pooja woke up she saw everyone and didn't react at all. She was numb she was quiet.
That night some how passed and Pooja and Dev didn't talk about anything anymore. They both avoided talking about it because they felt they will hurt each other by reminding each other about it.
After they came back home everything has changed. Dev and Pooja has become quiet, Dev does everything to make Pooja comfortable but somehow the communication was missing, Pooja has been trying to be a good wife but she has been dealing with the pain alone. They both care so much for each other that they have hidden their pain to themselves and has gone the quiet way.
Pooja never cried in front of Dev again and neither did Dev. They never talked about what happened they never shared their feelings anymore. They both felt void, there are times when Dev noticed Pooja touching her belly and he avoided asking her about her feelings. He knew she was in pain but didn't want to remind her of anything. They were together but somehow they went far from each other. They both got busy with work, Pooja started going back to work as she felt suffocated staying at home alone and Dev as usual busy with business and work juggling between work family they both lost their innocence, their smile ofcourse it affected the family too they haven't seen the couple smile in days. Dev has not been hanging out with Mark and Jazz also but Pooja found two brothers in them. They would often do things to make Pooja feel better.
August 15th Saturday 7:30am
Raj called Dev
D:: hello Jij what's up? (Rubbing his eyes)
Raj:: Bro Disha is in labor I'm taking her to the hospital. Can you please inform everyone, I can't call everyone now.
Disha takes the phone from Raj
Disha:: Dev don't panic
D:: Di what happened? Jij just said you are in labor
Dish:: yes I am but it's still not that bad, I think it's gonna be a while till the baby comes out but we are heading to the hospital. Don't rush take your time.
D:: are you sure
Disha:: yes shona, Raj is freaking out for no reason, he is giving me headache now coz he threw up out of stress and I'm taking care of him instead of him taking care of me.
D:: ok Di, Good luck and take care, we'll be there soon so atleast I can take care of Jij and you can relax during your labor
Disha laughed and said you are the best brother. Come help me out!!
Disha:: Raj can you stop freaking out, I'm in labor. Maa can you please tell your son and papa not to freak out.
Kapoor Aunty:: Disha beta don't bother about them, they both have weak heart let them cry and throw up, we can start heading to the hospital.
Dev's room
After a long time Dev actually looked at Pooja without thinking of the miscarriage. Dev often felt guilty feeling he couldn't help Pooja, he couldn't protect their baby. Dev moved the hair from Pooja's face he kissed her forehead she opened her eyes.
D:: Good morning Sunshine ☀️
Pooja gave a very genuine smile after more than a month. Dev kissed her and she kissed him back, they were just having an intimate moment for the first time after the mishap. That kiss had so much passion, so much love so much pain. They have missed each other so much. Dev was almost about to go further his phone rang.
Mark:: Dev!!
D:: mark who does video calls 7:30 in the morning?
Mark:: Dev Jij called and said Di is in labor, he asked me to inform everyone as he won't be able to call everyone now
D:: (he rolled his eyes) Marky you know how OTT my brother in law is. He called me too and said the same thing. I spoke to Di she is fine and she said she still has time, they still didn't reach hospital but they are on their way.
P:: what? Di is in labor? You didn't tell me all this time?
D:: I was going to tell you that's why I woke you up
P:: seriously Dev? Instead of giving the news you were doing something else...
D:: okay I couldn't help myself when I saw my beautiful wife sleeping so beautifully
P:: Dev...... common let's get ready
Pooja is trying to get out of bed, Dev stopped her he pulled her towards him.
D:: Pooja do you love me?
P:: what kinda question is that?
D:: answer me
P:: ofcourse I love you
D:: then why you don't talk to me anymore? Why I don't see that smile on your face?
Pooja rubs her finger on his cheek and smiles
P:: come here come to mommy give me a tight hug!!
Dev hugged Pooja right away he dug his face in the crook of her neck.
D:: I miss you Pooja!!
P:: I'm sorry baby, I left you alone. I'm sorry
D:: don't say sorry, just be happy that's all I want.
P:: Dev I'm always happy when you are with me
D:: okay then baby wants some milk
P:: stop it now!!! Common let's get ready. Go take shower I'll get your clothes out and I'll call your mom and dad and dadi
D:: I love you
P:: I love you too
D:: can we continue what we were doing before Mark called when we come home
P:: Dev get up and go now....
Dev jumped out as Pooja Yelled at him and made a very sad face trying to show he is very upset
P:: Dev go now and stop over acting
Dev went to the washroom looking like a sad toddler
Pooja smiled just looking at her husband. They had this light hearted moment first time after the miscarriage. They were not being themselves since that day.
Pooja called everyone and gave them the news then she got her clothes out and Dev's clothes that was specially ordered. Their T-shirt said MamuJaan and MamiJaan.
It was Pooja's idea to surprise Disha she made special T-shirts for everyone. She did all this long back. She texted everyone with a reminder to wear their T-shirt.
Dev as usual came out in a towel still giving sad face to Pooja
P:: oh good you are out, just get dressed and I'll be ready soon, I called everyone so don't worry.
Dev didn't respond instead made an angry cute face, Pooja just couldn't stop but laugh at his antics. She went close to him and he thought she might kiss him. Pooja pulled his towel and ran off
D:: oh my God!!! You are not serious!!
Dev trying to cover himself that made Pooja laugh.
P:: are you serious Mr. Dixit you are covering yourself from me?
D:: you meany... wait till I get you
Pooja ran off to the bathroom. Dev couldn't believe she could do that, but he was happy that Pooja had a genuine smile on her face she was not forcing it.
It was a great surprise for Disha and Raj that the Dixit family wore same T-shirt From Nana, Nani Badi dadi even Mark mamu and Jazz mamu got their shirt.
Disha was still only 5cm dilated and her contractions were still far apart. The hospital looked more like a picnic spot as the whole family was there, it was a very Happy moment for everyone, even though Disha was in pain but the family kept her so busy that she didn't realize when she dilated completely and she was ready to have the baby. Raj as usual was so OTT he fainted once already Kapoor Uncle was crying because he was going to become grandfather. The Kapoor boys are very melodramatic. Raj went inside with Disha and soon came the news of the baby.
One of the nurse came and announced the baby's birth and everything was fine both mom and daughter was doing good. Everyone got a chance to go and see them but not all of them together as she is still in the delivery room.
Dev and Pooja went in they hugged Disha, they saw the beautiful baby right next to her bed in the cot.
Disha:: Pooja common go pick her up and bring her to me.
Pooja started shaking
P:: Di!!! I mean I can't... I mean I shouldn't
(Pooja was so scared that she might hurt the baby, she felt in case she trips and falls with the baby)
Disha:: Pooja nothing will happen and why you shouldn't. Are you trying to find excuse not to baby sit my baby and not give me and Raj some lone time? Common Pooja go bring her to me
Dev almost pushed Pooja she looked at him scared
D:: Pooja let's go bring her to Di... don't worry I'll stand next to you
Pooja atlast walked towards the baby picked her up  praying in her heart so that she doesn't hurt her. Dev stood next to her Pooja carefully carried the baby to Disha
Disha:: Nope I'm not taking her now, I'm too tired I'm already planning for my next honeymoon so it's you and your husband's duty to take care of my daughter.
Pooja couldn't help but have happy tears this made Dev and Disha cry too. After few minutes the couple thought of giving chance to others too so they came out Vijay was standing right there and saw Pooja coming out teary eyed but with a smile he looked at Pooja just the way Randeep looks at her, Pooja just went and hugged her father in law and it was such a beautiful thing to see how Pooja was connected to everyone in the family. Soon Disha was shifted to her delux room where the whole family was going crazy everyone trying to hold the baby and they were just being brown loud people. One of the nurse had to come and tell them not to touch the baby so much and both mom and baby needs to rest. But ofcourse brown people doesn't listen they tried their best to stay in the hospital even after visiting hours but they were asked to leave. Nandini and Raj was staying with Disha to take care of her.
Pooja and Dev came back home, they didn't talk much in the ride back. Pooja looked at peace she didn't look sad anymore.
It was definitely a long day the new Mamu and Mami are very tired they quickly changed and went to bed coz they want to wake up early and go to the hospital early in the morning.
Pooja and Dev facing each other in the bed
P:: she is so beautiful Dev
D:: yes she is...
p:: you think she will love me
D:: I'm very sure she will love you the most
P:: I hope I don't hurt her like how I hurt my.....
D:: Pooja, sweetie stop it now, it was never your fault, you didn't even know what happened. You were pushed by a drunk man that's it. Pooja stop being so harsh on yourself sweetie.
P:: I'm sorry Dev I know I've been ignoring you and not being a good wife. I know I'm not even doing the basic things that a wife should do.
D:: ssshhhh!!! You are not doing anything wrong, you are perfect, not only as a wife but as everything.
P:: but Dev I know I'm not doing anything right, I have been staying far from you. But I'm just scared I'm ...
Dev puts a finger on her lips
D:: ssshhhhh!! That's it!!! For me you are perfect!!
He gently kissed her lips and slowly she kissed him back, they kissed each other just the way they did their first day. Just kissed each other and hugged each other. This was their first step to going back to normal life. They were still not over the fact that they lost their baby in a mishap, it was not their fault they have not harmed anyone but still the baby was taken away. The baby was 5 months old she already had a prominent face everything was perfect. The baby was healthy there was nothing wrong with the baby but she was taken away because someone was not being responsible.
Loosing their child made them loose a part of them. They've been blaming each other thinking may be they did something wrong and now they feel they are not being good partners.
Suddenly there's a gap between the husband wife which was not there even when they first met. But atlast Pooja and Dev has started talking about it, they taken some time but Disha's daughter seems to be the light in their relationship. Next few days the family has been very busy with the new baby.
After a week Disha was having a family get together to fix a name for their daughter.
Disha:: ok everyone today we are going to play a game, if you look at the table all of you have a card with your name written and a pen. So we want you to write a name of your choice in that card and then we will pick the best name for our daughter. Okay everyone?
So everyone wrote their chosen name and now they are going to read the name.
First they started with Kapoor uncle and he chose Rani and Kapoor Aunty chose Poorni because it matches her name.
Vijay chose Vinita and Nandini chose Nisha
Raj chose Deepika because she is his favorite actress and Disha chose Ayesha
Ofcourse Jazz thought of Jassi and Marc chose Amy.
Ofcourse Disha and Raj was reading the names from the card and Raj didn't notice that Disha had Pooja's card so coincidentally they said both Pooja and Dev's name together
PARI!! (They both said it)
Disha:: Raj how do you know Pooja wrote this name?
Raj:: no I'm reading Dev's name.
Dev and Pooja looked at each other they didn't say anything but they knew it was time to let go.
Kapoor uncle:: wow PARI wah Bhai wah!!! This is perfect. My grand daughter is definitely the Pari for us
Vijay:: Kapoor sahab not only your family even our family's PARI.
Raj brought the baby and gave the Baby to Pooja and said
Raj:: yes PARI!! Dev and Pooja's Pari!!
Dev and Pooja didn't know how to react, they knew they lost their PARI but infact PARI was already here.
Disha hugged Dev and Pooja and very softly said to them
Disha:: thank you for giving me PARI
They had a little emotional moment there as Disha and Raj knew that DevPoo planned to name their daughter PARI.
None of them discussed what name they are writing for Disha's daughter but both of them felt it was time to let go and move on. They never talked about the miscarriage they never talked about the baby, they never shared their pain with each other because they didn't want to show how much they were hurting because none of them wanted to stress anyone.
That night Pooja thought of talking to Dev, she realized that if she lost her child even he lost his baby. He has been supporting her, taking care of her without complaining. He always put Pooja's happiness before him. He must be hurting so much but he still never showed any pain. Pooja felt guilty that she even stopped getting intimate with him or even touching him. Why was she punishing him?
Pooja was sitting in the balcony thinking about all this Dev changed into his night clothes and came out and didn't see Pooja in bed instead she was in the balcony.
D:: hey sweetie! What you doing here?  Remember how we used to sit here for hours?
P:: hmmm... just thought of doing what we used to do before. Come sit beside me.
D:: nope I'm going to sit down and put my head on your lap. It's been forever you didn't give me head massage.
Dev sat down putting his head on her lap, Pooja ran her fingers in his hair. Dev wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her belly. He rubbed her belly gently. Pooja knew he missed their baby too.
P:: it's okay Dev, you can cry too, she was not only my baby, she was your baby too. I know she was growing inside me but she was also growing in your heart. You must've made a picture of her in your mind too. I'm sorry daddy, I was so busy with my own pain that I never realized you were going through the same but all you did was think of my happiness. Do you think you can forgive me for being so ignorant?
Dev hugged her belly tightly and cried out loud and suddenly he said
D:: Pooja I lost a part of me, I couldn't loose you.
Pooja pulled him up to sit beside her
P:: look at me Dev
Dev with heavy eyes filled with tears looked at Pooja, she put her hand on his heart
P:: does it hurt here?
Dev nodded his head and he couldn't stop weeping
Pooja took him in a Hug
P:: oh my God!!! How did I not understand all these days. I'm sorry baby I'm so sorry.
She cupped his face
P:: Dev why didn't you say anything?
She kissed Dev as if she wanted to take all his pain away. Pooja got up holding his hand and walked inside the room she made him sit on bed. She took off her robe off she took his hand and put his hand on her heart
P:: can you understand what my heart is saying?
He looked at her tears rolling down his cheeks. She untied her string of her nighty and it fell off, she stood there bare in front of him, she ran her hand through his hair and the other hand on his neck pulled him closer to her breast and then pressed her breast in his mouth. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and opened his mouth as she pressed her bosom in his mouth. This was like consoling him and his soul. He gently sucked on her, this was a different feeling, she was giving him the warmth, giving him the access to her heart and soul once again. He kept his eyes closed through the whole time suckling on to her as if his soul was hungry forever. After some time he looked at her but she didn't say anything but took his T-shirt off then She laid on the bed.
P:: come to mommy!!
Dev lay on top of her she wrapped her legs around his waist giving him access to reach her soul. Even though Pooja was under him but today she was in control, he felt little nervous but she rubbed his back relaxing him.
P:: it's okay you won't hurt me I know (she whispered in his ears)
Dev's breath was uneven now but he gently pushed himself in her and she moaned his name and tear rolled down from the corner of her eye. She kept whispering her feelings in his ears. She told him how much she wanted him, how much she loves him. Dev's movement was slow but deep.
P:: tell me you love me
D:: I love you (he said with his uneven breath)
P:: do you want me?
D:: yes (he said it softly)
P:: say it again? Tell me you want me, you need me
D:: yes!! I need you, I want you for me
Every word he said he went deeper, as if he need her to feed his soul. Only she could give him the comfort that he was looking for, she gave him the solace, she gave him the home he was looking for. That night Pooja has given him that peace he was looking since the accident.
They slept in each other's arms. When Pooja woke up she saw Dev sleeping peacefully after a long time and she let him sleep...