Together, Always || An After Mockingjay Everlark Fanfiction

Chapter 15

We go to bed that night as we always do. I lie my head on Peetas chest and he wraps his arms around my body. We both seem to have both just accepted the fact that we need each other when it comes to sleep. So Peeta doesn't ask and I don't object when Peeta hops into my bed with me every night and wraps his arms around me. It feels natural.

He drifts off into sleep quickly tonight, leaving me wide awake and by myself to think. Think about Peeta.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about him. I know that I love him but I'm not quite sure in what way. I think about the way he makes me feel. Whenever I'm around him I get butterflies in my stomach and I feel nervous. And whenever he touches me I feel warmth like fire burning through my body. But Peeta can't possibly feel the same way about me.

But then I remember when Peeta was smiling and staring at me today. Or when he rushed to comfort me when I had a nightmare on his first day back from the Capitol. Or that he stayed with me every minute when I was in hospital. From these memories I assume that he must care for me at least. I know for a fact that he once loved me.

Does he still love me?

And what about Gale?

No. I do not love Gale. What I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of that myself. Then I feel something click into place in my mind.

What I need is Peeta, the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.

I hold onto Peeta tighter. Now that I have made sense of how I felt I feel much more relaxed and I drift off to sleep quickly and easily.

We spend another day together working on the book. We start with the next thing on the list after our families. Our friends. We start with Cinna . Peeta sketches a picture of him standing with us and working on our costumes for the tributes parade. I write a small paragraph about him. Normally when I try to do something like this the words don't come and I am left with a blank page. But for this book the words flow straight from the pen as if they were there all along. My eyes fall onto Peeta's finished painting and a tear escapes my eyes before I can stop it. Peeta rubs my arm comfortingly and I wipe away my tears.

We move to the next name on the list. Rue. I write about the stories she told me about her district in the first games. I write about her love for mockingjays and the song she taught me. I write about the similarities between her and my sister. Peeta finishes the same time I do and more tears rush down my face as I see it. He painted the same picture he did for the game makers in our private sessions. Her small lifeless body surrounded by flowers from the forest. A sob escapes my lips but I force myself to continue to the next one. Finnick.

Peeta sketches a picture of him at the tributes parade when we first met him. I write a small paragraph about him on the next page. A tear falls from my eye before I can stop it.

Do you want a sugar cube?

Do you find this... distracting?

I can't help but smile at these memories.

I remember his humour. I remember his cheeky grin. I remember his stunning sea green eyes. I remember his curly blonde locks that seemed to always be covered in a layer of sea salt. I remember his indestructible love for Annie. I remember his love for the ocean. And I remember the moment it was all ended with the death bite from a lizard mutt.

More tears fall and sorrow leaves my body numb. Why did he have to die?

Peeta has tears in his eyes too. I pull him into a hug.
"Can we have a break? I don't think I can do another." More tears fall silently down my face.

Each of their deaths are my fault. All three. If it wasn't for me they would all still be alive.

Sorry about such a depressing posting such a depressing chapter on New Years!! I still hoped you enjoyed it. I promise there will be some everlark soon 😉😉

Happy New Years!! I hope 2015 is an awesome year for you guys!

~everlarkeverlark~