I Won't Ever Hide Alone

Ch: 18 Regrets

Julian was too drunk to truly try to process what just happened between him and Dom so he pushed it out of his mind for the most part. He admittedly did feel a tinge of regret for leaving Dom there at the bar, but he also felt so much worse for what he has done to Lori. At this point he didn't know if she just broke up with him or if she was just really upset. 

Regardless, he found himself at her front door, knocking on it and slurring her name.

"Lori... Please. Open up. I know you're in there... Please." Julian begged. After no response, he just rested his forehead on the front door. When that made his head spin, he decided to just start lightly banging it against the door. 

He wasn't keeping count, but at some point the front door swung up when he was about to bang his forehead off the door again. He almost fell right into her. He looked up and the sadness in her eyes killed him all over again, but he was happy to see her.

Her arms were crossed and she was in her pajamas, which usually consisted of a tank top and shorts.

"What are you doing here, Julian? Are you insane?" Lori was still infuriated.

"No. No. I just... I couldn't leave us like that. I feel horrible and I just wanted to come by and fix this." Julian really did mean every word.

Everything was silent for a bit, except the crickets chirping away.

"Ugh." Lori finally broke the silence, "Just come in." She stepped back and opened the door wide enough for Julian to enter inside the house.

Once he entered, she shut the door and started walking, Julian was following behind. They entered her bedroom and she shut the door.

He sat down on her bed and she remained standing up. "Okay, Julian. Say what you have to say then." Lori kept her arms crossed still as she waited for Julian to speak.

He cleared his throat and began, "You know, Lori, sometimes I really feel... I feel like I am not me. It has nothing to do with you. I have always been this way. I piss off everyone in my life to tell you the truth. Including Kara. We fight ALL the time. I guess what I am trying to say is... I appreciate you and everything you do for me. I know that I am always the one that is causing the issues between us and I honestly do not mean one bit of it, but I just feel out of sorts. I always will. I didn't mean to drag you down with me."

Lori released the tension in her body and seemed to be more relaxed. She now looked more sympathetic to Julian than angry.

"Julian... Why didn't you just tell me this before?" She asked, concerned.

"I-I didn't know how to say it and to be honest, I still don't. I have secrets, Lori. You're right, we all do as humans. Maybe one day I can come to terms with them and tell you, but for right now... just please let me figure it out on my own. Let me tell them when I am ready. Can you do that?" He looked up at Lori, hoping she would understand.

She nodded her head and sat down next to him. "Yes, but don't hurt other people in the process."

"I will really try not to. I promise. Everything I do is unintentional, but I will try harder."

Lori gave him the first smile he had seen in what felt like forever now. He couldn't help but smile back. It was a relief. Though he didn't tell her the whole truth, this was a start.

She placed her hand on his and they both leaned in at the same time for a kiss, but it wasn't just a kiss. It was deeper than that, from the both of them. This was new for Julian and even Lori, because neither of them really fell so deep into a kiss before until now. Julian wondered if it was the alcohol running through him still, but either way he just went with it. He was trying not to think like that. Since this was a different kind of feeling for the both of them, the kissing leaded to more intense gestures from the both of them. Lori was running her hands through Julian's soft, dark hair. Julian was actually gripping his hands lovingly on Lori's hips. He wasn't even sure if he was doing what she wanted, but he figured if she didn't like it she would tell him. She had a fiery attitude to go along with her fiery hair. He smiled a little at that thought as they continued to keep their lips locked. Lori climbed on top of Julian and he helped her by slightly lifting her so she was evenly placed on his lap. He broke from her lips and began to leave love bites on her neck. He could hear her breathing heavier as he did this, so he knew he had to be doing something right.

He gently lied her down on the bed and continued to kiss down her body. He stopped to take her shirt off and she did the same to him. He continued down and stopped. He figured this might be weird, but he had to ask, "Should I... remove these?" Referring to her shorts.

She let out a giggle. "Yes, Julian." She decided to do it for him though. He wasn't sure what he was to do from here so he just took his bottoms off as well and made his way back up to her mouth to kiss her again. As he felt her naked body against his, he had this really strange feeling. He wasn't sure if it was adrenaline or if it was something else, but he didn't let it stop him this time. They were already this far. He admittedly kept wondering if this would change the person he was or if it's going to make things worse. He tried not to think negatively though as they continued.

Lori broke his thoughts apart when she said, "Let me take over. I know this is your first time and I want it to be exactly what you want."

His words caught in his throat. He didn't know what to say to that. He just let her take over.

-

The next day came by so fast and Julian had to get himself up and ready for work soon. He felt pretty exhausted for the night's festivities, but he made himself get up anyway. Lori dropped him off at home so he could get ready for work. He kissed her goodbye and hopped out of her car.

Once he made it inside the house, he saw Carol sitting in the living room. 

"Hey, Honey, where were you all night?" Carol had the t.v. on super low.

"I was with D-Lori." Julian caught himself. He didn't mean to lie to his mom. It wasn't entirely a lie though. He was with Lori technically. He just didn't feel like explaining too much and didn't really have time to anyway.

"Oh that's nice. How are you two doing? I haven't seen her around here lately." Carol stated, She looked at her son as she spoke.

"Mom, she was here when you were in Nevada." Julian said, a little smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

"Oh was she?" Carol chuckled. "Well, I am glad you two are doing well."

"Thanks. How was Nevada?" Julian asked.

"It was a lot of fun. I am glad I went." 

"Awesome! Hey, I don't mean to cut it short, Ma. I miss you and all and I am glad you're back, but I have to get to work."

"Alright, Honey. I love you. Have a good day."

"Love you."

Julian ran upstairs and took a quick shower, then he dressed himself and headed out the door.

-

"You okay? You seem a little different today." Kara asked, concerned about Julian's obvious transformation.

"Is it that obvious?" He asked.

Julian and Kara were cleaning up tables at work and adding the new table toppers on each table.

"So something did happen. Do tell." Kara reverted her eyes over to Julian who was still cleaning the same table he had been cleaning for three minutes already. "I think that table's squeaky, buddy."

"Woops!" Julian set the new table topper down in the middle of that table and went to the next. "So, yes. Something happened. A lot actually, now that I think about me putting it all into words."

"Okay. Begin. We are here all day. We got time."

"Yeah, about 10 minutes though until customers start showing up."

"Perfect, better get started now." Kara said with a smile.

"Okay. So, I did go out with Dom lastnight. We were having a great time, but then Lori showed up."

"Oh!"

"Yeah. So, she was angry with me, because I haven't talked to her much and we got into a bit of a fight. Well, more like she was yelling at me but besides the point. It really was all my fault."

"Glad you can see that."

"Well, Dom was all over some chick in the bar so I decided I wanted to leave, but he was trying to get me to stay."

"Got it. You couldn't stand seeing him with another girl."

"Yeah... Anyway... He... kissed me..." Julian said this as if he was questioning it.

"Are you sure? You sound unsure." Kara noticed.

"Yes. I am sure he did."

"WHAT? That's.... WOW."

"Yeah but it wasn't like on the lips or anything. It was like... close, almost right there. More like the corner."

"That's... interesting. Actually that's kinda cute."

"Yeah but after that... I decided to get myself to Lori's."

"Wow. You keep surprising me."

"It gets better..."

Kara stopped cleaning and waited for Julian to continue.

"Lori and I... we kinda... or, no, we did... well you know."

"No. fuckin. way." Kara was in shock.

"Yeah." Julian wasn't sure how he was supposed to react.

"Wow.... And? Was it how you thought it would be for you?"

"Well, technically no, because I always thought it would be with a dude... but... it was with her and I care about her so it was... nice..."

"Nice? Oh my god, Julian, please don't say that to her if she were to ask."

"Is that a bad thing to say?" He was confused with this one.

"Okay. Let's put it in your perspective shall we? Imagine you and Dom had sex-"

"Kara!" Julian's eyes practically popped out of his head.

"Shush. Imagine you did and Dom just goes, Hmmm that was nice. How would you feel?"

Julian thought about this for a moment then looked up at Kara, "Okay... yeah that would feel awkward and weird."

"Exactly, grasshopper. Okay, so you and Lori are good now. What about you and Dom? You kind of just left him right? I assume he is confused?"

"I haven't heard from him and I haven't text him, but I want to."

"Then do it, dummy." Kara finished up her last table to clean, then added, "By the way Juls, I have a boyfriend now."  Before Julian could respond, Kara made her way in the back to prepare things for the work day.

-

"Hey. What are you doing here?" Julian asked. Surprised to see Dom walking into Amadeo's, and right up to the register that Julian was at.

"I had some time to kill. I'm going back home tonight, but I just wanted to come say bye. Fuck that text shit. You're my friend now, I need to say my goodbye's properly, yeh?" Dom said, smiling.

Dom was right up against the counter, and Julian had this overwhelming feeling within him just looking at Dom.

"You're leaving..." Julian felt terrible. "Look man, I am sorry I took off last night. Lori showed up, she was upset, and I needed to get to her before... well, I don't even know." Julian had trouble keeping eye contact with Dom. Nothing new.

"Mate. It's alright. No worries. I left shortly after you did actually."

"But what about that girl you were dancing with?" 

"She... was a weirdo." Dom was still smiling as he spoke.

"Ah. Well, I am glad you were able to get away."

"It was fun though. I mean, hanging with you. Getting to know you more. I had a feeling you were something cool the first time I met you."

Julian was speechless. He didn't expect to hear that, "Wow, man. Well, thank you. I don't even know what to say." Julian nervously laughed.

"Aye. Listen, I gotta go, but it was nice seeing you."

"Yes. It was..."

Dom smiled and turned around to walk out the door, but before he was gone, Julian called after him.

"Dom!"

"Yeh?" He turned around to look at Julian.

"When will you be back?"

Dom smiled. "Soon. I promise."

Julian smiled back. He remembered Dom stating he doesn't break promises and the warmness he felt from the statement coming from Dom was so different. It's like he knew he could fully trust in him.

-

"I wish I hugged him. Just touched him one more time..." Julian said to Kara.

"I know, Bubbs, but he will be back." Kara and Julian were in his room. They decided to have a sleepover like old times, watch some horror films, eat popcorn, and talk about boys.

"Hey!" Julian remembered, "Tell me about your man right now!" 

"I thought you'd never ask." Kara said as she sat up to get into the conversation.