House MD

You want him dead?

There was a long pause.

I can't believe I just told that to Chase.
His perception of me is bound to be forever changed.
I mean, of course. I just confessed that I'm having instructive thoughts of murdering my long term boyfriend.

I shook that thought out of my head.
These are just intrusive thoughts. I was shot, changes are bound to happen. It's not like I want to do it.

Right?

I snapped myself out of my thoughts and stared back at Chase.

"S-so let me get this straight. You want to kill Wilson?" He said

"No no, of course not. It's just like when you have a song stuck in your head. It's there dominating your mind. You don't want it there but it is."

"King, your on the brink of a break at any moment. Are you sure these are just thoughts?"

"What are you implying?"

"King, I've known you for awhile now an-"

"No Chase, stop right there! You think I would kill someone?!? That I'm a murderer?"

"No no, not that it's just with everything you've been through I just wouldn't-"

"You wouldn't put it past me." I asked

He paused. Carefully articulating his next thought. Don't want to mess up an accusation this severe. Though, I'm beginning to feel Chase is the only one I can trust with this information.

"No"
He inhaled
"I wouldn't"

I was silent. Not so much out of shock, just thought.

Was Chase right? Could these thoughts lead to anything.
Could I really do that?
More importantly, could I really do that to Wilson?

"I'm not saying your a killer or anything. I just think that this needs to be attended to" he said

I hated to say it but I had to agree.
I was going to say something but then the rest of the team walked back into the office.

I shot Chase a look. Hoping he wouldn't tell the team.

He got the message and gave me a small nod. I smiled back at him and went to go talk to everyone.

2 days later

I lay awake in my bed, Wilson sound asleep next to me. I decided to get up. Maybe a walk around my apartment could help?
I quietly swung my legs over the side of the bed and silently walked to my kitchen to get a glass of water. The only light in the apartment was that of the moon shining through my window.
I followed the beam of light to where it landed.

A knife.

Not comically large. Though just large enough to do some serious damage. I could pierce the aorta with only a small maneuver. Quick. Simple.

Easy.

Damnit, plotting a murder while being a certified surgeon isn't even fun.  

No! What am I even saying?! I'm not plotting a murder these are just thoughts. Like when I have Beatles song stuck in my head, nothing more nothing less.

Though the knife did catch my eye for a reason. It shined it the dark. Almost as if it was asking me to grab it. I snaked my hand across the kitchen island and grasped the knife.

It felt good.

It felt right.

Maybe it just felt right because I'm a doctor. I work with knives all the time, well scalpels. But no, this was different, this was euphoric.

Without even realizing I had stood up from the island and was now walking down the hall, towards the bedroom holding the man who happened to be the star of my intrusive thoughts.

I got to the door and slowly opened it. There he was sound asleep. That's how everyone hopes to go, isn't it?

I slowly walked over until I stepped on something. It squeaked and Wilson jolted awake. I looked down, it was a cat toy from when I watched Cameron's cat.
But that wasn't my main worry. I was worried about the man staring at me. He looked me in the eyes for a moment, I had hoped it would have just stayed like that but his brown eyes travelled down my face to my arm. Specifically my hand. Where I held the blade. It was still shining against the moonlight.

Wilson saw it and his eyes widened. He looked back at me.

"Amelia, what the hell are you doing?!?" He said and jolted back

That's when I snapped out of it

What the actual fuck was I doing? I dropped the knife and fell to the ground. I went weak, the past ten minutes felt like I wasn't even in control of my body. I saw Wilson get out of bed and take the knife away from me. He propped my half conscious body against the bedroom wall.

"Hey hey, Millie? Stay here, stay awake. Help is on the way" he said as he dialled something into his phone.

"I'm sorry" I exhaled with the tiny bit of air I had in my lungs.

I didn't hear Wilson's mumbled reply. I just know that that was where I lost consciousness. It was all happening again.
Only this time it was my fault and I don't know if I can keep myself from doing this again.

I was unconscious but I was still able to vaguely hear what was happening around me. I heard Wilson tell the EMT worker what happened.
The knife, everything.

I wanted to move so badly, but I couldn't tell if it was to hug Wilson and apologize for what I did, or if it was to go finish the job.