Gangstress

July 1999 (3)

***Angel's POV***

After Marshall left I was so fucking sad. I hated that this was our reality, I hated that he had done this to us. Talking to him broke my heart all over again. I ran down to my brand new studio that had just gotten finished and flipped everything on. 

I went into the booth and threw on my headphones. A really slow beat that Diddy had sent my way started playing, and up until this point I had no idea what I wanted to do with it. Mary J. Blige was singing the hook, and I thought I was just gonna scrap it since I've pretty much only been recording really angry, or really sexual songs up until now. But all of a sudden I knew what I wanted to do with it. 

I had nothing written, everything I was rappin' was just a freestyle essentially. I just really felt like maybe getting it all out about how I felt right now might be the best thing for me. 

The whole time I was recording I was on the verge of tears, but I felt like I was really killing it and I didn't wanna fuck it up, so I kept swallowing my tears. I let them out in between takes, but when I went back to it I held them back as best I could. 

I ended up recording the whole thing in under an hour because I just kept going and going. I figured I was probably gonna have to cut a lot of shit out of it, because it ended up being a really long song. It turned out to be more of a love song than anything, but a really sad love song. It sounded like I was mourning the loss of mine and Marshall's relationship, and I guess I still was. Especially after talking to him. It was like losing it all over again. 

I titled it Hold On, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna release it, or just keep it for me yet. A part of me felt like it might be sort of inappropriate to release it, considering he was married and I was talking about how much I loved him and missed him. 

I also had a bar in there about my pregnancy, and while I know I had already talked about it on Don't Mess With Me, this one was just so much more raw, and I'm not sure if i'm comfortable with the world seeing that side of me yet. I also didn't wanna cause Marshall any problems at home, because I wasn't sure how Kim would react to that. 

I sent it back to Diddy to see what he thought about it, but I was still unsure. I figured I at least got the worst parts of my emotions off of my chest, and that's what mattered the most. The vulnerability of the whole track made me uncomfortable, but if theres one thing that Marshall taught me, it's that vulnerability isn't always a bad thing.

After I was done I sat in my studio just listening to it on replay while I cried. I sat down there for another hour until I thought I heard someone walking around upstairs. I quickly wiped at my tears and went back up to the main level. 

"Yo! We were lookin' for ya." Aidan said as he grabbed some juice outta the fridge.

I shook my head. "Sorry, I was just downstairs recording." 

"Thats aight, baby. How ya doin'?" Prodigy came and gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. My sadness was quickly replaced with butterflies. 

Me and him had been hanging out a lot recently. And him, Aidan, and Havoc had even started hanging out together, which I loved. I think we were both starting to develop feelings for each other, which I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet, but I also learned from Marshall that you can't really stop it. 

"I'm good. Where were ya guys? What'd ya get up too?" I went and sat at my island while Prodigy went and grabbed a bottle of water out of my fridge. 

"Just had some business to tend too." Prodigy said and I rolled my eyes. I knew exactly what that meant. A few weeks into me and Prodigy hanging out, I found out him and Havoc run guns and drugs. It didn't bother me, that was their thing. But I just didn't want them bringing Aidan to do that shit. 

"Ai, ya better not have went with 'em." I scolded him. 

He shook his head. "Nah, they just came and picked me up from work." 

I nodded. "Good." 

"Why ya care so much? He could be makin' so much fuckin' money." Havoc said to me. 

"He was in fuckin' jail, Kej. He's on probation. And he ain't need no damn money, I buy him whatever the fuck he wants."

"Yeah, but I ain't wanna live off my sister forever." Aidan piped up. 

"Ya ain't gotta, but till you're off probation, ya do." 

He rolled his eyes. "God, you're worst than livin' with dad." 

My eyes went wide. "Fine. Go live with dad. See how the fuck that works out." I got up from the island and stormed out of the room. 

"Aight bitch." He said under his breath. 

I heard a smack come from behind me. "Don't be talkin' to ya sister that way." Prodigy said and I smiled to myself for him standing up for me. 

I grabbed my bong and went out to the backyard, since I didn't wanna be smokin' inside my brand new house. As I was packing my bowl I heard the sliding door open and Prodigy stepped outside. 

"I got an early birthday present for ya." He smiled at me and sat down. 

I gave him a lopsided smile. "Ya didn't have to get me anything, baby." I placed the packed bong on the table and he handed me a big jewelry box. I squealed and opened it and it was a long silver chain. The pendant was the logo of my record label but completely covered in diamonds. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed and got a huge smile on my face. 

"Ya like it?!" He laughed. 

I nodded frantically and got up. I straddled him on his chair and threw my arms around his neck. "I love it! Thank you so much, Alb." I crashed my lips into his and his hands went to my ass. I went to go push my tongue into his mouth but he pulled away.

He laughed. "Chill baby, chill." I frowned. "We needa talk 'bout ya birthday. What'dya wanna do?" 

I shrugged. "I assumed we were just gonna go out." 

"Yeah, but where? 'Cause I was thinkin' I wanna have a party at my crib for ya." 

I smiled big. "Ya don't have to do that." 

He chuckled. "Well I think ya want me too." 

I nodded. "Yes." I said happily. 

"Aight, let's do that then. I'll get it all set up and we can do it next weekend, if that works for ya?" 

"Definitely baby. Thank you." I smiled and kissed him again. This time he actually let my tongue in his mouth and it felt so good to kiss him, especially after how my day had been going this morning.