Will to Way, Wilt Away

Chapter 14

I spent the next three weeks superglued to Julius' side. Of course Julius' favorite foods were Shake Shake cheeseburgers, Olive Garden Fettuccine Alfredo, and Panda Express chow mein. We usually alternated between these three meals, and although I consistently tried to order myself a soup or salad, Julius always insisted that we order half of the menu and do family style. I told myself at every meal that I would just eat small portions, but once I took one bite, my F-it-I'll-just-start-eating-healthy-tomorrow mentality always took over.

Now that I was actually making money, I had been planning to go to TJ Maxx and reinvent my entire wardrobe. I spent all of high school looking homeless in my mom's oversized, stained hand-me-downs, though I guess I was homeless in a figurative sense. Now I had a home and the power to buy new clothes, but I never had more than thirty minutes away from Julius during the day to go shopping.

I thought gardening in the Wasteland would relieve my stress from my deteriorating diet and overall appearance, but crouching in the sun and breathing in the fumes of cow and horse crap every day was surprisingly less than enjoyable. Having to put on a smile around Julius whilst doing this was nearly impossible, but I did it. And as I got to know Julius more and more, I couldn't help but feel the need to continue doing it.

Most days after finishing our landscaping duties, we went back to Julius' apartment where he showed me old pictures of himself while we waited for our Shake Shack, Olive Garden, or Panda Express. Accompanied by his storytelling for each photo, I watched Julius grow up through his mom's scrapbooking.

As a baby, Julius' hair was much blonder than its current color, and every other photo was of him peacefully sleeping on his dad's chest. Julius had an uncanny resemblance to his dad, both of whom carried a certain charm in their smile that made them undeniably endearing. In most of Julius' elementary school pictures, he wore a Ninja Turtle T-shirt and Crocs, or he was only a blur of a hyperactive, curly-haired kid who couldn't stand still long enough for his mom to snap a picture. Julius' middle school look was characterized by a Bieber haircut that every tween girl thought was hot and that every tween boy copied to reap the benefits of looking like a Canadian pop star. Spoiler alert: there were no benefits and now an entire generation of dorky boys have photo evidence of their poor, juvenile decision-making.

Somehow Julius outgrew each of these phases and became who he was now. For some reason, I couldn't find the words to describe this current Julius. Besides his bottomless collection of polo shirts and his obsession with the same three restaurants, there was no common theme in his everyday life. This was probably the case because he was still transitioning from one phase to the next, or his quirkiness just made him seemingly undefinable.

With each subsequent photo he showed me, I became more invested in whatever this relationship of ours was. Julius stole my heart. Not in the lovey-dovey way, though, of course. Still an extra virgin over here. But he stole my heart in a way that made me want nothing more than to keep the endearing smile on his face. Because of this, I willingly let my control over my diet, wardrobe, and every other aspect of my personal life slip from my fingertips.

After showering, putting on the same old black jeans and lavender sweater, and scraping the manure out of my fingernails, I was ready for my nightly 7:00 PM dinner with Julius. I heard a knock at the door and opened it to Julius, who was wearing his favorite light blue polo.

"So will we be dinnering at Shake Shack, Olive Garden, or Panda Express?" I asked with Julius' favorite humor: the verbing of meals.

"Ahh, you get funnier every day," Julius chuckled. "But actually I invited Shi, Aria, and Indi. We're all going to Oxbow."

"Is that code for Shake Shack or something?"

"Nah, Oxbow's a public market about ten minutes from here."