The Thorned Rose

37

It was pouring with rain outside, but I didn't care, I just needed something refreshing. I walked all the way down a set of stone stairs, into a part of the garden where there was a large fountain, with benches around the outside, and I sat on one of them. I tilted my head upwards, and let the rain fall on my face.

"SAV!" I heard my name being yelled from inside the house, but I ignored it.

"SAV!" the yelling came closer, and I looked to see Fabricio at the top of the steps, "come inside, its cold and wet." I could see he was freezing; his hands were tucked under his armpits to keep them warm, and he was hopping from leg to leg to try and help his blood flow.

"You go inside, you're cold, I'm fine out here."

"Sav," he came down the stairs towards me, "you aren't useless, you are absolutely amazing, we wouldn't have been able to achieve what we did without you, and I know you are upset about not being in the final battle, but the only reason it happened was because of you. You aren't useless. I promise."

"How can you say that? The people who were on your side were because of a coincidence. I happened to kill some people they wanted dead, big whoop... it is literally my fucking job. I didn't do it because I felt bad, or I thought it was 'right', I got told a name and a location, given a file, and I shot. It just so happened they were useful in this one situation." I pulled up my knees so my feet were resting on the bench, and my knees were by my face, and I hugged my knees, burying my face in them.

"Sav, they did it because they liked you, they loved you, and they believe in you, meaning they believed in me. Yes, okay, the reason we had the first meetings were because you killed people they wanted dead, but the reason they became allies was because of you, and your kind heart and warm self."

"What the fuck do you mean kind heart? You know nothing about me!" I cried.

"I do, Sav, I know you," he declared.

"I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!" I shouted at him, "I have 6 passports, all with different names, but none of them my own, I have different birth certificates, fake results letters and diplomas, fake parents, fake families, everything. I'm not even speaking my own language right now, I barely even think in my own language. I have never felt warmth, I have never felt happiness, all I know is murder, and death, and fighting, and I'm not even good at that anymore. There isn't a single record alive that actually contains my real name in it. I don't know who I actually am, so how can you know who I am? Tell me, please, because I call bullshit."

"I don't need your birth certificate, or full name, or a passport, to know who you are inside," he ran over to me, grabbing me by the shoulders, "I know you are inherently good, you are caring, and I am madly and deeply in love with who YOU are. You could have a million alias names, but it will never stop the real you breaking through the cracks." Fabricio put his hand on my chin and made me look in his eyes. "Maybe you don't know who you are, because you have been running for so long, but I do Savannah, and I can help you find yourself, just let me..."

I broke away from his hold and walked away. "There isn't a magical wand Fabricio, I cannot just magically feel feelings I have never felt in my life. How would I be able to differentiate between them anyway. How do I know whether I'm feeling love, or just happiness, or joy...? How do I know if it is real? Feelings make an assassin weak!"

"I don't know, but you have to trust me, and you have to work with me, please, Savannah, I am begging you, stop running away from your feelings... I know you feel something inside for me, even just the tiniest thing. I'm not expecting you to suddenly turn around and love me, I know it will take time, but I am willing to give it time, if you are willing to put in effort. You can't run away forever!" he yelled over to me.