MOONLIGHT IS TRYING TO SURVIVE

I'M ASKING THE WHY'S

Pain is what is in my heart, each memory that gives me images of you I start to cry asking the why's...Why, did you have to die? I try so hard to find the right words to write to describe what it is I am feeling inside, But there are no words to this hurt. This bleeding that is pouring out from my heart is an ongoing stain that will never go away. Pain, emptiness, lost, heartbroken, my body is numb but feels the aches, each and every day. I try so hard to keep a smile on my face, to let my family think I'm okay, but the truth to this matter, I will never be okay, when we lost you, apart of me had left with you. I think over and over in my mind, could I had been able to stop this from happing? although though I have known deep down inside my heart, I had no control over what was happing, but I am your mom, I should have known, I keep screaming these words hurts.

I never able to show all my love I have in my heart for you, I thought we had a lifetime for us, Oh, son, my son, my heart is on the run, I don't know how to handle this, I don't know how to get my mind to understand, I have lost you. I am so angry and confused about this abuse that had happened to you. Then I hear someone telling me, it was all out of your hands, it was apart of Gods plan, I looked up with the hurt in my eyes, I wanted to scream, and show the pain I was feeling within, but instead all I could do was cry. I know God has seen it all, right from the very start, to the very last breath, and I know,He knew I was going to be a lifetime broken. I look to the havens and ask for Gods hands, for Him to take the lead.

-Judy Emery © 2018 The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery.