Quinn's Chronicles

Thought Crisis

Am I doomed to such a fate as to be so distant to the person I was at the start of my journey in this timeline, clean slated, clean hearted and open to all that is, than to as I am presently in my journey? Surely, Oh, somewhere back there is room for a path more desirable than the path I walk down now. Alas it is not regret that I feel now because there was not a way to have known the undesired outcome I have stumbled upon. My choices would have been fruitless at the nearly entirely unchangeable and quite inevitable critical time that was. "You cannot control the sea but you can learn to steer your ship"

I will attempt to describe this feeling. It feels like fighting against the waves of the sea for hours on end and finally stepping out weakened by the resonating tidal forces. I have not been to the sea in some time. What is this feeling I wonder? This gentle feeling of motion up and down, I am not in such a place that is rocking at such frequency to experience said effects yet I am. Perhaps this feeling of being a passenger among the waves is meant to turn my attention to something much greater than I can comprehend at the moment. I have no choice but to be subject to these subtle waves. I have no explanation.

I don't understand myself entirely anymore. I understand that "something" went wrong. I understand that for some reason or another I chose to incarnate the way that I did to try and continue the path of my journey. I am yet to understand the purpose for this time, it has yet to make sense to me and at present a direct explanation as to my appearance here is a mystery. Somehow I ended up losing part of myself and this incarnation has been spent looking back through time and behind my shoulder. I fear not the enemies that wish to be my enemy because they do not understand my existence here but the reality that I carry this mundane body fragile to the natures around it. I fear being destroyed before I achieve what I was meant to in this timeline.

I am dropping the pasts I have now seen to be made aware of except that of which is now most important to me. I must put faith in the Incarnation of Creation, the Albino Lioness, to know what is best to heal my soul. What is this feeling though I ponder? What is this weight along my chest? Why are my thoughts filled with the desire to court with and love evermore the Albino Lioness? Hidden in plain sight, their bond to me grows. These feelings are strange, indeed. Quite strange, and not simply because of this Fae imprint, but because upon perhaps stepping into the dangerous waters of this predicament I recognized that this bond had existed previous to this sudden matter.

There is now conviction in these feelings. I love the Albino Lioness and though I believe in their power, I choose not to believe in the predictions of my responses to this tug upon my spirit that calls out for more. Though these predictions have come true and my heart has leaned towards you, I want to believe that this is not by your power but my own. I wish to believe that I am in control of this affection I feel. Perhaps it is the times of Rome I caught the feeling of when gazing upon the eyes of the Albino Lioness, calling out to my soul from the depths of my core waiting to resurface to my conscious mind. With this however may come the fear of losing the Albino Lioness, I wonder if such a thing would shatter what I have worked up to. I mustn't think too hard on such things. Of the ideals that evolve, the certainty they are providing naught but honesty to me comes from the experiences had with the Albino Lioness and I choose to follow a path with them. I desire to feel the love of an entity that I feel understands me so well that I need not speak. We catch and throw projections like no other awakened being or human and I allow this intrusion of telepathy into my mind. I have become content knowing my projections carry weight.