lockdown lover

twenty two

"What did my Dad say to you today? And don't give me any bullshit, I wanna know what he said," Billie asked, feeling Jen's body tense as she did so. They lay in their double bed, the lights off and Jen's arms tightly wrapped around Billie's smaller frame.

"Nothing Bil."

"Bullshit," Billie hissed, turning around to face Jen. "Tell me."

Jen huffed, not wanting to cause a rift between Billie and her father, but also wanting to avoid lying. "He told me that you weren't into girls, and that you're just confused."

"Motherfucker..." Billie hissed, sitting up and cupping Jen's face in her hands. "I'll talk to him."

"Billie, it's fine. I don't wanna cause any arguments between you guys," Jen smiled sadly, rolling over and encouraging Billie to do the same. "Let's just go to sleep."

It took some convincing, and soon Billie was in fact asleep in her arms as Jen lay awake, her mind still racing with Patrick's words.

He wasn't wrong.

Billie hadn't shown any interest in women before.

You see, straight girls see it as a compliment to tell someone they're "only gay for them".

Jen didn't see it as one.

She saw it as her being used as an experiment.

She saw it as a woman only liking her because she was more masculine.

She saw it as an insult.

But Billie wasn't straight.

She couldn't be.

It wasn't Jen's business what she identified as, in fact, it didn't matter.

Billie liked Jen for who she was.

[LOCKDOWN LOVER]

"What time do we fly?" Billie asked as Jen folded her clothes up neatly into her suitcase.

"Like... four am?" Jen said in a questioning tone, dropping a few T Shirts into her case as Billie mirrored her actions. "Jamie hasn't sent me the exact details yet."

Billie nodded curtly, sitting down on their bed and glancing over at Jen. "What if your family don't like me?"

Jen smiled softly, taking Billie's hand in her own and stroking it with her thumb softly. "They'll love you! They already do. My sister's always asking me when you're gonna visit and my mum loves seeing you around. Don't be silly."

"I fucking love you," Billie blurted.

In that moment, Jen's heart stopped.

Love.

Jen had experiences love before. She had definitely loved Ella. She knew that. It made her happy whenever she walked into the room. And when they were apart her body didn't feel right. And when she lost her it felt like she was dying.

And she definitely loved Billie, she just wasn't ready to admit that she felt that way again. After Ella broke her heart she swore to never let it happen again, she would never be in a position where she was so madly in love she could allow something like that to happen to her again.

"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't ha-..."

"No, no, no Bil it's fine..."