Kidnapped at the age of 5 became Xiao Zhan's worst nightmare. Being captured and tortured and having his parents being killed in front of him, is a trauma no child should bear witness to.
But there, when the world was dark and painful with no hope...
(A/n: This chapter won't be an easy read as I would be touching on some serious issues. I would suggest don't skip this chapter as it forms the core of this book but know if you aren't comfortable, then kindly wait for the next update.)
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Xiao Zhan's POV:
Walking into my dark office save for one lone dim light from above, I gesture him to take a seat on the couch. He looks so pensive and sceptical. I wonder how would he react if he knew certain truth about Ruan and me.
"Care to listen to a dark story, BoBo?" I smirk and knew this whole scenario is making him extremely uncomfortable but if he claims that 'I am his', then he needs to know me well.
"My story began the moment I turned 18. Like any other young hormonal teenager coming of age, I too wanted certain kinds of releases but trust me when I say that none of them were remotely sexual. I never craved for sexual intimacy. I never could even dream of someone touching me, but I had urges. I was in extreme pain BoBo" his eyes were on me as I rolled my sleeves up by elbow to show him scars on my wrist.
His eyes widens. He knew what they are. Self mutilation.
"Yes, you're thought process is on the right track. These scars are of self-harm. I knew they were bad. Your father who was my doctor back then knew I was self destructive and tried to counsel me multiple times" I chuckle sadly "it was me who never could comprehend those words. As I said maybe blame my young self."
Taking a seat opposite to him I continue "It was during these turbulent times that I met Ruan. I won't get into the details of how we met but I want you to understand something of extreme importance. Ruan is a well-known Dominant who" I smile warmly "caters to various needs of people. The moment he met me, he knew what I needed. Being a doctor by profession though his area of specialization is quite different, he knew human psychology well. He knew I myself was a Dominant personality and thus could never submit to another soul." Rolling my sleeves back I ask Yibo "Have you heard of Cognitive Behavior Therapy or as I would like to call 'Pain Therapy'?"
He shakes his head slowly and I nod. Understandable, not many would know these methods.
"Did you know that the sweet release of endorphins that one gets from sexual acts has same effects through pain therapy?"
"What do you mean?" He enquires and I explain further "Why does one fall in love Yibo? Why does one have sexual intimacy with another?"
"I believe it acts as a de-stress method if you don't involve the concept of love in it" he adds and I grin "Precisely. An act of sexual intimacy is like a detox to your body. It relives all kinds of stress. Now how would a person who hates physical contact de-stress themselves?"
"I don't know" his answer is direct and it warms my heart. He's truly innocent.
"Instead of sexually intimacy, I use pain therapy. Basically each time I use it, the same amount of endorphins release from my body and that centres me to stop me from self harm."
