Jordan's Mind

Who I Am

So, I'm writing the to tell everyone everythign going on. And I'm sharing this with my family and friends to tell them everything that is going on.

So at the end of 2014, I felt awkward being called Myckie, Mykayla, Kayla, and girl names in general. I felt awkward in my own body and felt different then most, girls. That was when I realized that... well I want to be male. I don't think I would get the gential surgery, due to the fact it's a very difficult thing to get and perform. But I want to be identified as a male. Not a female. I am not a she, I am a he. I'm not Myckie, or Mykayla, or Kayla. I'm Alex. I'm Alex Joslin. 

As well, at the beginning to 2014, I realized I liked girls. And I didn't want to really have any relationships with guys. I did date guys, so my parents would think I'm normal. But I don't really like guys. Yes, I have crushes on male celebrities but no one else. And I would call them more man crushes, because I am male. But other than that, I like girls. But, from me being male, that means I'm straight. But people who say I'm female, I'm lesbian.

I am not lesbian. Lesbian: A homosexual WOMEN. I am male. Not female. Straight: (informal) Heterosexual. Heterosexual: sexually attracted to the oppisite sex. I am straight, or heterosexual. 

Now, these are messages directed to people specifically. 

Dad: I know you are the most understanding. But you'll still probably not enjoy this. You want me to be your loving daddy's girl. But, I can't. I'm sorry. I can't be happy pretending to be someone I'm not. I want to be your son. And I know you want a son as well, so I doubt this should bother you much. 

Mom: You're not going to understand. And I know you won't. Because you're you. You never understand. And it's irritating. You'll try to 'convert' me back to a straight female. Well I'm really sorry. That won't happen. Ground me. Hate me. Watch over me like a hawk. But I will be who I am. And I'm not meaning to sound mean. I love you to death, but let me be who I am, not who you want me to be. 

Lissa: I love you. You're so understanding. And I already know you'll support during this. You don't know how reliveing it is to have you support me. 

Other family: I'm not fond of you all. And I know you guys won't accept my life decisions. But I don't care, because again, I don't care for you all. Hate me, I don't care. I have my opinion, and my life. Alex ain't caring. 

Family friends: I don't know if some of you will accept me. So I'm sorry. But I'm not here to please you. I am here for me. 

Friends: If you don't support me, goodbye. This ride was nice while it lasted. I'm not going to pretend I'm someone different just for you. Accept me how I am or f*ck off. 

Everyone in general: I am me. I am going to be who I believe I am, and who I want to be. And I know if I don't tell everyone who I am, and be who I am, I'll never be happy. And maybe that's why I'm the way I am. Because no one accepted me. I had to hide who I was, and I just don't care anymore. If you don't like me, goodbye. 

I am who I am. Take me as is, or not at all.