Against the Waves (THE PRESTIGE 1)

35

One foot in grave

There has a lot of things that changed over the past ten years. It took me too long to realize that change is necessary for us to grow.

Sometimes, our painful struggles can be a wonderful blessing. Sometimes, the darkest times of our life can bring us to the brightest place. I realized that the only absolute thing is change and everything is just temporary.

Moments. Feelings. People.

That was the year I didn't see coming. I was lost. I was drained. I stretched out in a long and wide journey not knowing where the end was. It seems like, the sunlight didn't reach me for a while. I was drowning.

Pinagbayaran ko na ang kasalanan na hindi ko ginawa! Pinagbayaran ko na. Kulang pa ba? Layana, kulang pa ba!?

I squeezed my eyes when the sun rays hit my eyes. My phone kept on ringing but I was too weak to move. I was wide awake during the night. His words pierced to my soul deeply. I couln't sleep. He is not the one who killed my family. His family is innocent and yet, I cursed him to death.

A tear fell from my eyes when I looked back to our memories together.

Hayes spend his life inside the prison and now he is chasing his life. He didn't even finish his college and I took everything from him because of these lies. The fact that I am the reason of his suffering made me lose my mind.

I believe it's because of how much I loved him that it hurts so badly. I've never loved anyone or anything as much as I adore him. And now that he was also a victim of life and injustice, I blamed myself for the demon I become.I know exactly how it feels to have your heart shattered in a million pieces all over again.

Muli akong nakatanggap nang sunod sunod na tawag. Hindi na rin ako nakapasok sa trabaho dahil ang bigat bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Para akong lantang gulay na tumayo at kinuha ang cellphone ko sa side table.

Si mama ang tumatawag.

I bit my lower lip to supressed my emotions. Kung ganitong bigat na ang nararamdaman ko, paano naman kung maging si mama ay malaman ang patungkol dito?

Papaano ko sasabihin sa kaniya na hindi ang mga Espinoza ang may kasalanan sa amin? Papaano ko sasabihin sa kaniya na ang taong pumatay sa pamilya namin ay hindi pa matukoy magpasahanggang ngayon?

Muling namatay ang tawag. I heaved a deep sighed and just sent her a message when I read her messages. It was nothing serious, she just wanted to ask how am I and told me about the continous delivery of flowers in to my office in New York.

After that, I called Amelie that I won't be able to work for today. I even told Abes and Migo to stay with Nathan because I am busy with work. Muli lang akong nahiga at namilipit sa kama ko pagkatapos. Napatulala na naman sa kawalan.

Hindi si Hayes ang pumatay sa pamilya ko pero siya ang nakulong. Hindi siya ang may kasalanan pero siya ngayon ang nahihirapan. I took away everything from him. Their riches, their respectable image...and even his child.

Slowly, I touched my empty womb. The same familiar pain stretched in my chest. It's still so vivid and fresh.

Humagulgol ako bigla nang maalala ang anak ko. Until now, I don't know what happened to her-where she is buried. I don't even have the guts to ask my mom about it not even my friend, Lene who is nowhere to be found.

"My baby," iyak ko.

I am crying so bad. I took the life of my own child because of these lies. I am the one who made my life like hell and yet, I blamed everything to Hayes well in fact, all he did was to protect me. How can I call myself a person? How can I call him as a killer when I am the real murderer. I am a murderer of my own child.