Desserted

Piano Lessons

Leaving my room I went into the kitchen and found mom doing her thing. Yesterday I was definitely not happy when I saw Mr Andrew on top mom for no given reason but when he came back he just clarified all things.

I felt like if she was in a relationship all her attention would not be on me but on a man. It was driving me crazy cause that is not what I want to feel.

Mr Andrew was so lively, he made me forget all my worries and what mom did to me. He was like Mike but Mike and I had a stronger connection because he raised me along side with mom and he knew all about me.

"What you thinking of?" Mom asked from the kitchen and I looked up at her.

"Nothing, just thinking about Mr Andrew" I replied and smiled at the thought of yesterday.

"What did he say to you that is still making you smile up to now?" she asked further smiling.

All of a sudden I felt like she was invading my space and I became defensive.

"What's your problem mom, why must you know all about me?" I questioned and she contorted her face.

"What did I say wrong?" she asked me and I searched for the answer in my head.

"No need mom, let's just go" I said still scolding myself for speaking rude to her which I've never done before now.

Mom did not say anything and then walked pass me to the car and seated on the driver's seat. Exhaling, I walked forward and sat opposite her.

She revved the engine and we were on our way to school. Mom did not even look at me once which was what she normally did while I just ignored her.

A great urge was moving me to look at her but I was fighting back and in the end curiosity won and I looked up at her.

Her eyes were directly to the road and I could see tears pricking her eyes threatening to come out. Immediately I felt something I've never felt towards her, guilt.

The guilt for all I've done to her, how I've reacted to her and how I disrespected her. I could not control the feeling so I looked away and faced the window.

Tears started leaving my eyes as I saw the raindrops hitting my window in a rhythmic way. I wiped my eyes with the back of my palms and then relaxed myself.

"I'll come pick you up, bye" she said with the same emotion written over her and then I came down from the car.

Immediately she drove off and for the first time I bothered to look at where the car was going. It drove to a side of the road and then parked there.

My legs involuntarily took me forward, I walked slowly slightly bending my knees and keeping my head below the glass.

I started hearing sobs from mom's car and then she started hitting the steering and crying out a little bit loud.

"Why, why why you could have waited, you could have said no this was not what I wanted" she said to herself still crying and I started crying to.

I was behind the car behind her listening to what she was saying then I slid on the car and sat down on the floor cupping my knees and bringing it to my face.

I listened to her cry and shout at herself and what I wanted to do was to go comfort but I couldn't. She shouted and I just squeezed my eyes tightly as the tears left my eyes.

After some minutes of crying and shouting she comforted herself and then drove off.

I stood up on my feet and then wiped my tears with my hands. I also comforted myself and adjusted my clothings.